Rambling

May 31, 2008 at 09:58 o\clock

CONGRATULATIONS

Well, I got the relief position I applied for and it now has the possibility of being long term, which is fantastic news. I will have to compete for it because they are losing a staff member all together. This means now they need to cover two peoples annual leave and then keep one of the people on. All I can do is work my arse off to do my best and better than my best. It's an administrative type role assisting with ETrade. I am still reporting to Internet Banking, but definitely more responsibility I wil get to do some investigative stuff and opening of accounts, maintenance and being a liaison point for business ETrade requests. It will be a new challenge. I start training on Tuesday. 

We had a huge party last night for the whole centre and consumer finance bracket. I had a really good time. Actually even enjoyed getting up to have a dance, which is normally not something I like to doing because I get elbowed in the head. I had heels on though, which boosted me to average level and it was great.  

May 17, 2008 at 12:08 o\clock

Raining

it's been raining today so I have stayed indoors keeping warm for most of it. Did the groceries and that was about it. We had a farewell at work for one of the people leaving. She had been there 2 years or just over, and is going to go to the UK on a working holiday. Kind of like what I have done. Didn't really start talking to her much til I came back to work the 2nd time really. She can seem a little immature, is quite loud and is a typical party girl type who's been through a lot of stuff. That being said, she makes a lot of sense when she talks about people. She is not the brightest, but she has smarts in a way that a lot of other people don't.

Anyways, other than that, a quiet weekend. Stretch party (cocktail party) is next weekend or the one after, so everyone is looking forward to that....It will at least be a social event for me anyways ans is better than being home all the time.  

May 14, 2008 at 15:01 o\clock

Lonely

Feeling lonley.  Part of that I think is not feeling so great about getting older. I don't mean to sound needy and pathetic but it would be nice to have someone to share experiences with. I sometimes just sit and reflect on things I have done - like travel to Central Aus, Japan, New Zealand, New Caledonia, Canada and it is stuff I have done solo. Sure I have met people along the way, but it would be nice to have someone to share those things with and to have experienced some of those times with.

Sometimes  I feel like I have wasted my 20s being shy and concerning myself with all the crap that seems to happen in my family which is just never going to change. I wish I had realised that sooner and actually not let i get to me so much. Hard though some of it is really hurtful.

I was talking to one of the girls at work and told her I feel lonely sometimes and that it would be nice to meet someone. I didn't add the fact I have NEVER really had a boyfriend.

I don't know, it's just like it would be nice to find out what that is like. Perhaps I am just super emotional at the moment, but it would really be nice. All I have is two arseholes that found it amusing to make fun of me and bet on getting a f*88* out of me. It has taken a while to move on from what happened there. Whilst I have male friends/acquaintances through work, there is no one special. Perhaps I am not ready, and perhaps I am just lonely being in my own place not having much to do. I guess also, that I shouldn't really want to meet someone just to help boost my self esteem. I need to be confident within me first.

But I feel like I have had enough. Emotionally I am exhausted and really don't think I would be up to handling a major crises. I feel left out with my family, and I have been hurt by people so much in the past that it just makes me feel like giving up sometimes and accepting defeat or that perhaps I am just meant to be single. I can't have kids so maybe I am shielding myself from having to deal with that. But at least if I had a partner I could stop dwelling on how hurt some of the family stuff makes me. I am not exactly ancient and still have life in me. I want to enjoy it and have someone to share experiences with, not just look back and go "wow, I did this this this and this.....all by myself". 

It's like what have I acheived in my life so far - I have struggled though VCE and graduating University. Divorce and medical crises (my own and that of other family members), being lied to by family, being lied to by friends, family feuds, travel overseas, being harassed. I have worked since I was 16 to help pay for things I want to do. I have a crap job but it pays good. 

I know I have written entries like this a few times, so sorry if I am repeating myself for what may seem like the billionth time.  

Sorry it's not a cheerier entry.  I am not sure if it made a lot of sense.

May 10, 2008 at 10:51 o\clock

8km

8km walk tomorrow. should be interesting. Not in that I wont make it or anything. Will probably be tired afterwards.... A few people form work are going as well.

Had dinner last night with Y, which was really nice. She had got me some flowers and beautiful japanese handed egg cups as a birthday present.

I am watching Friends at the moment, it is quite funny. I never really saw any episodes after Rachel had the baby.

Am a little tired from grocery shopping and heading over to the laundromat.

My roof hasn't leaked again YET. Hope to god it doesn't happen again.  

May 8, 2008 at 13:29 o\clock

Post Birthday

My 3G connection is still playing up.  Dinner for the birthday was nice. Am having dinner tomorrow night with Y, which will be nice. Think it's just going to be the two of us, which is will be good. A shame no one form work that I asked is able to make it though. Not much I can do though. Feeling old and a little lonely.

May 7, 2008 at 09:00 o\clock

Birthday

Well, I am 29 today.   Feeling really old.  Had lunch with dad today. First time we have really spent much time together since I came back and he sent me to the hotel. I got a free teapot and glass cups at lunch (its for green tea) which was really cool. The owner also gave us lunch for free. They must have wanted to impress dad (he is a health inspector....)

Am at mum's now. We are all going out for dinner which will be good. All in all I suppose not a bad birthday. Need to make a to do list of things I want to achieve this year though I think, and one of them will be getting my A into G for moving to Sydney. I also want to join a stitch n bitch or a walking club. I need to expand my social network a little. No one at work that I asked seems able to make it for drinks on Friday which is a shame, would have been nice. I don't normally have parties.

Work is same old same old. Customers getting upset about not being able to log in or aboout charges for this and that and blah blah. I am doing my best to prove myself again. Anyways enough for now.

May 3, 2008 at 12:42 o\clock

More

well, i have my table and the electrician has been and fixed the light. there was a bit more water waiting to come through, which he emptied into the bucket and by drillingsome extra holes into the light fixture/fitting thing. You can't see it now the light and fixture are all re assembled and back in place. But God help me if it leaks again, cos it will come out a lot quicker and probably short the light. Other than that, am just relaxing at home and it is nice not to have to worry about deliveries or anyting I can just enjoy the being here. Looking forward to my birthday celebrations (just not the part about being a year away from 30 and feeling like I havent done anything).

May 3, 2008 at 02:33 o\clock

Hmmm.

well, its been an interesting week. my roof leaked because the morons upstairs flooded their bathroom and dont use the shower curtain.... the plumber had to come out at 10pm in the middle of the week. seems ok now though the leak stopped and he went up there to check it out. Have an electrician coming today to check the light the bedroom didnt get damaged.

work is same old same old.  at least it is brining me in money.

my birthday is next week and I am a little weirded out because I am 29 and starting to get the whole "shit i am almost 30" feeling creeping up on me very quickly. Worry I have wasted my 20s a little... 

other than that not a lot more news to tell. Went to the movies last night to get away from the apartment. It has taken a while to get it just how I want, and I still need to get another set of drawers for some clothes....but after 2 weeks no fridge and 3 weeks without a proper bed, it is a lot better. Am tired, as it has taken a lot out of me getting everything sorted.