Rambling

The last couple of days have been really warm. I would love to go rafting down the Bow River - lots of people seem to be doing it and it would be so much fun.

Went to see Transformers yesterday and buy the wedding present for K and K. Transformers is awesome. Glad I was in air conditioning most of the day as it was 32.

Not a lot else to write, been doing lots of thinking and stuffing around on the computer probably cos I don't have a lot else to do. Grocery shopping is done. I could go to the museum, but I have left it a little late. Maybe next weekend.

I tend to be pretty tired on my days off and by the time I get up and moving and about, it's lunchtime. It's been ages since (well ok, a month) since I went to the movies and I have been hanging out to go and trying to be good and save my money for the wedding and rent etc which makes it tricky. That's two weeks away now or 11 days away roughly which is not long.

Don't have anything else to add. Boring life at the moment just doing usual routine stuff. I could go down to the river for a bit I suppose. That oculd be fun if they have a festival on there or something. They have the last couple of days...so could be worth a look.

 

Well, I rang dad tonight and apparently my brother has a girlfriend. I have know this for a while, but first time she's been called the g word.  I am happy for him, she sounds nice and looks nice from the picture I have seen....

But part of me thinks - I feel like a freak cos I haven't had a boyfriend before. I would say by now he has slept with this one too. At 31 it's about time, but then again I can't talk. I am shy with the opposite sex too when push comes to shove and cannot usually handle more than being friends.

I rang my friend T at home and she encouraged me to make a move on this guy I am volunteering with......interesting. She said just talk to him and you will be in, you're hot.....ummmmm and reminded me her brother liked me.....I said I would keep her posted....Cos I can tell he has been checking me out, but I hope I haven't blown it by being shy so far......Need to find an opportunity to talk to him.....

Other than that, it was good to talk to T. Really good to hear a familiar voice. I even talked to A at work about guys a little today and I didn't feel pressured to make up stuff. I was just blunt and said i am shy and get nervous and told her about O in Lake Louise as well and we agreed, best to keep away from that one.

 

Ok, I think I like one of the teachers I am volunteering with....not sure if it's just the idea of him or wanting to move on from O and get him off my brain...but I can tell he has been checking me out. He said he is single the other day to some of the guy students....he's going to BC for the weekend with some of his guy friends....

I am so shy around him though and nervous. I don't want to blow it by acting weird around him simply because I am shy and excited that someone seems to from what I can detect - fins me attractive. Neither of us have a lot of opportunity to suss the other out though cos he is working when I see him and I have to leave the class early, which makes it difficult. And does not give him any opportunity to ask me out even if he wanted to. But I guess he would have made up some kind of excuse or something.....if he did like me. It's only been flirty glances so far, not much more than that. I am not sure whether to go for it or if that is the wrong thing to do and will scare him off. I don't like the whole awkward stage and usually only get comfortable when guys are taken and not single. Maybe he wants a sure sign from me before he goes for it as well. I am hoping I didn't take too long and stuff things up or scare him off  by being lame and quiet like I normally do simply becuase I am nervous......

He may also not want the whole class knowing.....it's a class of about 20 and not a lot of opportunity for alone time. Would I be right in thinking he would make up some sort of excuse if he did like me?

I guess it can't hurt to make a fool of myself. I already did by thinking a Chesterfield was a horse (it's a Canadian term for a couch/sofa). I was so embarrassed.

I am hopeless wirth men when I know they are checking me out. I never know how to act when I notice it happening. I always seem to stuff it up when I  think they are going to act on it as well. Guess I need to work on my self confidence and just do things I like doing. 

I think I really need a night out on the town. I am not sure that volunteering was the best way to meet people. I don't even necessarily mean to pick up. But I was hoping I would t least meet some new people to talk to and go to a movie with/ be able to chat with the teachers I am helping. There is not a lot of opportunity to talk and they are  both guys, so I guess it looks bad to the class if they seem like they are flirting.....

I just want to make some friends. Wish A and M had been more responsive to my attempts. Weird bitchy response when they were so nice before, maybe they thought I wanted to stay with them etc. I should have waited to make contact after I had settled perhaps...I dunno. If they want to be that judegemental bugger them.

Still missing O a little, but am realising what a player he was and just not worth the energy...

K and K's wedding is in two or three weeks, which should come around quickly. I think I mentioned I finished the Harry Potter, or maybe not. Either way, it is really cool and I could hardly put it down til I finished. Funny how it just seems to put you right in their world and feel as if you are right there in the thick of it....

I will stop now cos I have an early start and it's midnightish for me.

 

I always wonder if guys like shy girls. Sorry, my blog might be sounding a little guy obsessed at the moment. I can't help it maybe it's a delayed release of hormonal stuff that is supposed to happen when you are in your early 20s or late teens......I partly feel like I have wasted so much of that period of my life being shy...and all the stuff going on with mum and dad and my brother......and now its at the embarrasing end of my 20s.... how do i tell the guy I am a virgin without him thinking I am a freak if it happens. I definitely would like to meet someone nice, I just have trouble viewing men as not having a motive......sexually.

Aside from that, haven't done a lot this weekend. I have a full on week which whilst when I am at work it doesn't seem, like much, it is tiring by the time I get home cook etc and get ready for bed and now I am volunteering and I just applied for a second job today to try get me some play money. Not that I will have a lot of free time, but it will be nice to be able to relax the penny scrimping a little. I rang the place where I was working in Lake Louise the other night and talked to one of the girls. It was good to catch up. Made me miss being there a little. But I am in part, glad I am away from the pick up vibe that was around while I was there. She said to stop off on my way back from the wedding or on the way up.....could be good. We will see what happens.

Not a lot of other news. Still finishing off the book I am reading. I think I will go to the movies or the Museum next weekend.....will see how much I get paid and if I got my raise that was meant to come last time.

  so until the next entry, be good.

 

 

 

The New Book is awesome.....devastated it's the last one, being book 7 and all.

I have been tagged, but am not quite sure what to do so when I have time to concentrate  properly  I may get around to it.....properly.

Not a lot of news today. The "promotion" fell through cos the store is closing (the whole mall closes early next year) and we are relocating, they already have an assistant mgr for the new store, so nevermind. I am kind of happy about it. Mainly went for it for the money anyway. I am thinking of getting a second job just one day a week and maybe one night a week for some play money.

I like having another person at work to talk to and the new store should be ok. I am working 9 days in a row before I go to the wedding in August. Better be worth it. I know I am going to be uncomfortable as all hell seeing people from Japan that know what happened with (t and j). I hope I am not seated with them. I don't want to talk to a certain handful and will find keeping myself composed rather difficult if I do.

I have probably said all this a hundred times, sorry, i can be like that when stuff is on my mind I find it hard to focus on anything or anyone else.

 

PS - got the new Harry Potter. book.

I am just finished a Volunteer shift and feeling weird. The class is fun and the students are really nice.

Funny, but I am actually feeling like I should go home. I miss Melbourne and the security of my own place (not shared) and I miss my friends at the Bank.....Maybe I am just lonely. I also wish just once I could meet someone genuine. I cried last night for a bit, just partly glad to be away from Lake Louise, but also wishing I had heard from a couple of people there. The rudeness was pretty bad though. "I wish they'd just f... clean it" oh, "I'm not going to be awake that early" No bus, no politeness probably because everyone was pissed off at the whole situation. I miss K and M though. And I know I keep saying it, but Imiss O as well - I shouldn't though, he only wanted a screw. For god sake why is that the only type that is paying me any attention and it's fake attention at that.

 I have my answer at least.  It's been a month and I would have heard from him by now and he would have stopped porking M if he actually gave a rats about me. If he gave a rats about M, he wouldn't have tried to kiss me and hit on me when her back was turned and in front of her as well. He did email me but only to ask for other peoples emails and never even replied to say thanks for sending them.

He is probably already screwing someone else where he has moved on to anyways....Silly I know, but it would be nice to get attention from someone nice and not just a womanising pretty boy. Maybe he genuinely did like M. Obviously he like her more than me, or the sex was too good to give up. Whatever.

The lady I live with is going away for a week. I am hoping things are going to be ok with rent now that she has quit her job.....She shouldn't have much trouble once she actually does start looking, and she has had me here for a month and a half before she quit, plus money still coming in from her job and money from savings......she was thinking of looking again towards the end of August.....we all need a break at times, I can understand that, because I did the same thing when i first arrived in Canada. She should be ok, she wouldn't do that to her son if she was worried about that sort of thing.....

It gets a little crowded at times when we are all here. I keep thinking to myself it only needs to be until October or November. I am not even sure I want to stay in Canada until March next year. I am not going to be able to afford to keep renewing my health/travel insurance. Moving to another city is not an option.

Had my hair cut today and am still getting used to it. It's a little shorter than I have had in a while, I can wear it as a bob or flick it out and stuff.....

Am glad to have a couple of days off cos I am really tired. It has been really warm these last couple of days.

I am not sure if I wrote or not, but I got promoted to Store Supervisor. Doesn't mean a lot cos there is only me and one other (and possibly a new part timer) to worry about. Most of the rest of it I am already doing. Means more money hopefully, but they are slow on that. I didn't get the raise I was meant to for this pay either so I am going to need to be back payed....hopefully that happens by the next pay.

Was going to see Transformers at the movies, but I need to make sure I have enough for rent and the wedding, so I am going to try and be really careful and only vital groceries and my bus tickets until then.

Should be able to get my tax return done soon. Once my brother posts it all out to me.  Enough for now. Still missing (O) but I really need to move on. He did a good job of messing with my head.....it is so true when they say pretty boys are players. An attractive man will flirt like mad to see how many women he can get and gold for him if he does get there with several....Sincerity would be nice for once.

 

Had my first day volunteering today. Was ok. It gives me an outlet and social contact at least, which I need. Still miss (O) and wondering what to make of it all. He probably just thought I was an idiot not picking up on his hitting on me. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction especially when he is f*&**g someone else and tries to kiss me at the same time. Why is he looking at other girls if he is with her. I know it means he can't like her that much, but he didn't like me either if he was going to try something like that when he wasn't single. I know it wasa new hookup and all but it's not the point. You don't still actively pursue othr chicks when you do something like that and are bragging about it openly. Maybe he was just an arrogant sleaze. I don't know, but I have too much time on my hands to keep stewing about it.

My boss asked me to apply for the assistant manager position yesterday. Wasn't sure I wanted the responsibility but i would look good on the CV and is more money..........

more later.

Was awesome. I had a really good time yesterday. The show was cool. Had a band and everything. Still think the Bull riding is dangerous - one guy fell off and then the bull charged him and he flew up in the air and did a sumersault in the air before landing on his front and not moving for ages. He did get up again though luckily and they got the bull away from him.

The rides and merchandise are expensive so I didn't get anything. I had good seats, but my camera doesn't have a good enough zoom to take really good pictures Otherwise really good

The lady I am living with offered to invite her 26 year old nephew around for dinner.......She seems pretty cool to be thinking of trying to help me meet people.....I did say I was a little lonely and didn't know very many people. So it would be cool - even if just as friends....at least it would be someone my age to talk to. Am in the shop alone again today. Miss the people from LL, but cannot imagine I am everr going to see or hear from them again. Shame, but I am a little far away.

Looking forward to going to the boxing class on Sunday afternoon. Should be fun. I might ask A if I can come along to her Soccer......maybe she wont mind.....It would be a good way to meet some people.....and something to do at least. More later.

Went into the Plaza this morning until just after lunchtime where they had free performances and parades and music to promote the action at the Stampede. A sample if you like, which runs all week Monday to Saturdays. It was really good and I think I am going to enjoy the atmosphere on Monday when I go to the Rodeo. Not so sure I will like watching the toeing and heeling of calves and bucking bulls as it can get a little dangerous, but it's new and interesting at the moment....and I want to try finish the article I am going to write.

Would be great if I can actually get it published.

Work is better now there is another person around to talk to, but already said that. I will still have the odd day on my own, but it breaks it up a little and makes it a breath of fresh air. She is 23 and seems really nice.

Haven't heard from any LL people, and guess I shouldn't be surprised. I only knew them for a month and just had a feeling I wasn't fitting in cos I was a little older than a few of them. It got a bit highschoolish at times. Miss (K) though and it would be good to see her, but she already said she isn't going to get a lot of time here for Stampede so probably not going to happen.....Disappointed I guess partly because I am lonely. I think I will try a tae bo lesson next Sunday, it will be a good way to meet some new people and will get me out of the house at least. I am still waiting to hear what is happening with Volunteering at the YWCA was supposed to be an Orientation but I am working when it is scheduled....so....not sure what the go will be there.

Ok enough now. I have updated a lot lately.....

Been thinking today about all the people I have lost contact with and the amount of time I spend checking email pointlessly hoping to hear from people I am never going to see again. Comes from having too much free time I suppose.

The new girl at work is nice and it is great to have someone else to talk to and be there to cover breaks and stuff. I know the boss is busy, but it did get a little frustrating that she buggers off all the time. I had a customer come in today wanting a blue hat and we didn't have any in stock have no intention of having any in stock and she then wanted the managers name and to know who did the ordering and was really narky when I couldnt give a business card and just barked at me well can I have a piece of paper then blah blah. She was a really rude cow and I hope she doesn't bloody complain....would be just my luck, cos I gave her main receptions number since I don't even know the stores number.

I have three days off. Need to try and avoid spending money. All my wedding stuff is taken care of so I should be able to save most of the pay packet coming which is good.

Not a lot else to tell really. Just another ordinary day. Stampede is underway and I missed a parade this morning. Might head down to the plaza tomorrow with my camera and see if there is anything free going on there that I can have a squiz at. Will get me out of the house at least.

I am concerned about not having money. Things have been this bad before but thats always WHILST I have been saving.

Stampede on Monday which I am looking forward to. Bought my shoes for the wedding so am not really going to be buying anything when I do get paid on Friday except maybe a hoody so I should be ok.

O went to Jasper to visit a couple of the Lake Louise peoples.....he is going back in a couple of weeks (and as far as I know, visiting M this weekend.....) so all hope is lost and he was really just being a shit head boosting his ego cos he thought I liked him. The list of expletives I could let out here are endless but I wont. I hate the fact I miss him.

Work is better now there are more staff and I am looking forward to my three day weekend. Nothing profound to write tonight. Sorry.  

Yesterday was Canada Day. Saw some fireworks last night, which was really nice. Reminded me of when I was a kid and mum and dad (and my aunty and uncle even came once) would take us to the local council park and they would have a BBQ, rides and music and fireworks in the evening. It was a lot like that, which was really cool.

I broke another pair of shoes today - thongs or flip flops this time...so no as urgent, but if I want to wear a skirt I need to go shoe shopping again. It would even help to wear some with jeans so probably tomorrow morning on the way to work I might stop off. I can't imagine me needng much more groceries, but it may be a better idea to wait until pay day though. I have one pay with no rent then another pay with rent then another one with no rent before I have to go to the wedding, so I am trying not to be too overboard and buy lunch everyday and go out for dinner and save myself a bit cos that's where a lot has gone....It's always the way, I need to go SHOPPING Shopping cos I haven't in ages and I have no money.

Sorry to keep blogging about money, just on my mind at the moment.

Stampede next week. Looking forward to that. Don't think I am going to get to see and LL people which is a shame. Didn't really think I would, but it would have been nice.

Wrote an entry last night, but it didn't save. so lost it.  Was basically an update. I am volunteering at theYWCA. Igo in this week to sort out schedule and paperwork. Today is Canada Day so lots of celebrating.

I also had a minor panic attack at how much money I had spent. Not good,but not much I can do when it's been for necessities like accommodation. Gotta go.