May 30, 2007 at 21:21 o\clock

Going back to Calgary.........I think.....

Am feeling upset about O and M and also about the job in general and sick of being surrounded by couples when I am not in a couple....Thinking of looking for work herwe in Calgary until (K's wedding) and then going from there........Will be easier for my Gluten free diet as well, cos I wont have to do my grocery shopping miles away and worry about running out....

May 23, 2007 at 20:34 o\clock

Feeling a little lonely

Still trying to figure out why  a guy would kiss one girl and then the next night come onto me and then go and kiss her in front of everyone because they are getting pushed together as a couple when i leave to go to bed for the night. He is just using her for sex and she is 19 and doesn't seem to realise this or care...I dunno. Maybe I misread things or maybe he just wanted a root and either of us would have done.

I am in Calgary today. Have left the others shopping because I am starting to feel really bored and lonely and wondering if this is for me....No one is happy about the renovations and feeling lied to about the job.

We had a meeting last night. Played cricket the other night which was really good fun, I felt comfortable and relaxed since we moved to the lodge. It is just very couply and whilst I have nothing against that  and it is normal they want time together, I feel left out. I am also one of the oldest ones here and this is the first time away from home for a lot of them.....I am probably not going to want to stay for the whole Summer. Others are talking about leaving as well.....Not sure if I should head up and see if I can get a job in Vancouver for a bit before the wedding or stick it out and look again after the wedding. They have also made a mess of delivering my bank card which whilst I am stuck in the middle of nowhere is a pain in the arse and they are not helpful. 

May 19, 2007 at 20:51 o\clock


At least one good thing about (O and M) hooking up the other night means I am not getting called muscels any more. I had gone to bed and apparently they started kissing in front of everyone.....

Part of me is a little jealous, but I am not surprised. He has been spendng every waking minute with her. Good for them I guess but I wish something nice for once could happen to me. Am I that unattractive....I am just feeling really miserable and out of sorts. 

I keep forgetting what day it is - that probably sounds terrible but.

I am also wondering if I should pack up and move on because I am not going to enjoy being the odd one out that isn't paired up with someone.......

We are all tired and cranky and sick of doing renovations when it is not what we signed up for....Which is why they gave us today to come to Banff.  

May 17, 2007 at 19:49 o\clock

Fifth Wheel

Feeling a little left out because everyone is coupling up and I am pretty much now the only single chick here. I think I am going to get really lonely. I wish something nice could happen for me. I hate being shy because it means I never get noticed and people don't make much effort.

The lodge is coming along. I helped the plumbers with a problem in the boiler room - I had small hands so I got the great job.

Better go only have a little bit of time left on the pc.

May 15, 2007 at 01:53 o\clock

Wanting to Swim

Well, it's been an interesting couple of days. People are already deciding to leave because it's too remote etc and I am even now as long as (K) replies to me that it is ok probably going to leave in August when I head up for the wedding. Look for another job then to tide me over for a bit and then try and head to either Europe or New York before coming home depending on the finances. I need to consider I want to set myself up in Sydney......which may require some research as well.....

Feeling a little more comfortable today.....Have had a fun morning just a little miffed there is no pool for people to use at leisure....its all memberships and really difficult. The one at West Lodge is not fixed yet so it's going to take a little before I get to go probably....

May 12, 2007 at 06:47 o\clock

Hoping I Don't Make the Same Usual Mistakes....

I don't think I mesh well with people younger than me, maybe I am just too reserved and don't like the way people under 25 are so me me me me me and want to tell stories about themselves all the time. You can ask them questions about themselves and they don't reciprocate. There are lots of couples here as well so I feel at times like I am in the way. There isn't really a chick I have bonded with yet. I like one of the Canadian guys here (not in THAT way, but he is funny and nice and closer to my age....).

I am feeling a little shy and out of my comfort zone. I miss working at the bank and the people there, especially (B- yet I haven't heard from him once while I have been gone, he is married, but it would be nice. He was a good friend. I would love to hear from T as well. Miss her HEAPS). I am probably just feeling homesick and grumpy cos no one of my friends were here for my birthday. I'll get over it....

May 10, 2007 at 02:39 o\clock


Food shopping done.  looking forward to Orientation on Friday. Only one more day at a loose end. Write more when I have more than a minute left on my usage.

May 8, 2007 at 00:27 o\clock

Happy Birthday to Me

My birthday today.....yay. Am considering heading to Banff to do a grocery shop for gluten free food. All I have is fruit and vege and eggs and juice at the mo and it's a little dull. We are moving over to the West Lodge soon (hopefully by end of next week......once plumbing is sorted...) sounds nice. There is a pool, which I am going to love being able to use frequently and get back into a routine. Still wish I had someone to talk to  about (J) to get it out of my system. i know I should try move on b/c he was nothing but horrible to me, but I am finding it hard especially when there is no one to talk to about it and the memories and everything is surging back.

May 6, 2007 at 02:00 o\clock

Lake Louise

Arrived this morning...........am feeling lonely and sad and can't stop thinking about (J) and crying.

May 3, 2007 at 23:08 o\clock


Raining today so thought I would use the op to update. I have been uploading photos as well the last couple of days. No, before you start - I haven't just been at a computer the whole time. I have been doing lots of hiking. Some souvenir shopping and went back to the Hot Springs yesterday. This is just some quiet time. Went to the museum this morning. AM running out of money so just as well I start work next week, cos I want money when I go home in order to get myself sorted.....If Sydney is my goal I am going to have to hav money to support the plan. I don't want to just walk back into the bank in Melbourne.  Still torturing myself by looking at the facebook site stuff on (J). It's amazing to see him being described as caring and big hearted.....and stuff like that. I look at the photos and I just remember him going "Do you wanna go home and fuck...do you swallow" amd all the other stuff and him actually laughing at me being uncomfortable.

Anyways, enough for now.  My hour is almost up....