Apr 28, 2007 at 21:32 o\clock


I am pretty much biding time at the moment. Have spent way too much time in front of the computer......cos I have seen all the touristy things in Calgary. Went out for dinner last night with a few people from the hostel which was nice. Not an overly late night.

One of men staying came onto me a couple of nights ago. He would be in his 40s, which was a little icky.....I must still have that clueless stupid gullible vibe about me.

I managed to find a freelance travel writing site and when I get the chance and find a computer that will let me copy and paste, I will post some articles there.

Anyways enough for now.  

Apr 27, 2007 at 07:43 o\clock

In memory of J

Since I don't think it's appropriate or me to add anything to (J's ) facebook page, but I would like to share a memory of him that is not a negative one about him asking me for sex etc. One of the first things I remember is him playing this song on the guitar after playing Risk my first few weeks back in Japan.....nevermind the fact that half an hour later he and (T) were asking to grope me and (J) asking me for sex and if he was going to get to kiss me ever, and then to either chose between a crutch grope/finger fuck or to punch him on the way back downtown and went through my handbag. Me yelling at them to stop, and actually punching a guy for the first time in my life. I will never really forget....I was actually really frightened and they found it hillarious...which just made it more scary. 


He performed it beautifully and you can tell he absoultely loved his music and playing guitar. He seemed really in his element...

At the time, that is what struck me.

So here are some of the lyrics.


The Pusher.

Snow Flakes rolling over my car, goose bumbing weather

If I'm hungry at 4.30 in the morning.

Pink dot will deliver

And I'm oh so tired of you pushing that thorny crown

Down onto my head so hard.

My knees are two inches in the ground.

And I said God Damn. God Dman that Bible Pushin' Man


You know I smoked a lot of grass and I've popped a lot of pills.

But I've never done nothing that my spirit couldn't kill.

And I walk around with these tombstones in my eyes.

But I know the pusher don't care, if you live or if you die.


And I said God Damn. God Damn that Bible pushin' man.

God Damn. God Damn. God Damn. God Damn. God Damn.


Just thought I would share that.

Apr 26, 2007 at 21:56 o\clock


Have decided to head to Banff because I am at the stage where I have seen all I can see in Calgary for now and I want to spend some time there before I start work just in case I don't get much chance for day trips later.....

Feeling happier today. Went out for dinner last night with a few of the people from the hostel, it was nice to get out and mix. Too much alone time can get depressing.


Apr 25, 2007 at 23:42 o\clock

Still Reeling

Saw some photos on 'Face Book" today of (J). Funny all the little things that came back to memory just from the expressions on his face in some of the pictures, I can imagine little comments he used to say being appropriate to the situations in the pictures if that makes any sense. Have spent some of the morning crying because I am a little messed up. Sad he has died, also still angry and hurt about what happened in Japan and the fac the never spoke to me about it, apologised or anything......I still get the feelings of helplessness, embarrassment, confusion and anger and trappedness come back clear as if it was yesterday and thatmakes it a little hard to breath cos it is overwhelming.

I probably sound really selfish but some of the stuff on face book is beautiful, yet to me seems really fake and like they didn't actually know the real him at all. He was a crack head, drug dealer, who slept with anything in a skirt. He had no respect for me anyways and that is how I remember him. It's a shame because other people seem to have very fond memoriesof him and some of what they say is partly what I liked about him myself a first.  I just feel really weird. Gotta go only have 15mins to use the pc and its probably up.   I am sorry he is gone, and sorry for his family don't get me wrong. It's just hard to describe at the moment because it is opening wounds as well.

Apr 23, 2007 at 22:45 o\clock

Calgary Zoo.....Kensington Rd and Bow River lookout

Well, so far I have been to the Zoo, the Museums and markets and looked at the major shopping areas. I have also today walked through the park in more detail this time and it is quite beautiful. I went up the stairs to the lookout which is spectacular and free - not like the Tower....I then ventured further out to see an old school shopping area which had a chocolatery, bookshop with a cat in it asleep on top of some comics. Lots of cute gift shops as well. I am in two minds about trying to not spend to much cos there is souvenir shopping I wanna do and yet I want to keep money if I need it - Lake Louise isn't paying much....It could probably wait til I head to Banff for a weekend or something....

Went to the Zoo yesterday which was pretty cool. Got to see Bears and a hippo being fed. They also have a baby giraffe Richard.

Anyways almost out of time, gotta go.  

Apr 21, 2007 at 01:41 o\clock

LOTS of Snow in SPRING TIME.........

The heading kinda says it all. It is the middle of spring and Calgary is still having snow storms. YAY.  It looks very pretty with snow around, makes it look less bare. Cos there is a lot space - an old mining and rail industry from way back so some of the land is pretty ugly, but some of it is also very beautiful. Like anywhere I guess. I have my phone sorted. The hotel release of payment finally showed up on the credit card. rude buggers.

I get a private room again tomorrow night for the rest of my stay here in Calgary. I was just reading and there is a $2.00 buss every Thursday into Banff or something for day trips so it sounds pretty cool. The Greyhound also goes regularly as well. I am pretty set. Just have to cope with shit pay and cold weather. Would be nice to do some kyaking in the lake though over summer and some hiking perhaps......I am tyring to be careful with money now, cos I am anxious about needing it when I get home and need to start over again looking for a place and a job etc. God I am a stess bunny. I should try and just enjoy the moment. I am, but my brain has too much alone time this week I think.....that and I have not wanted to brave to much of the weather excpet to go to the shops and the museum which was really interesting. Egyptian tombs had little containers - shaped and carved like the tomb with the internal organs and the museum had 2 of these on show which still had organs inside.  Also history of Calgary was fascinating too. Gotta go out of web time.

Apr 19, 2007 at 03:17 o\clock

Bills Paid

I am breathing a sigh of relief here, as I have now officially paid all my bills. The phone company has to send me a cheque which I should really have by now, but considering my gas has taken forever and I have been panicking about it (no need I know, but.....).

Bloody hotel still has a pending on my credit card which will probably come off tomorrow 24 to 48 hours or something once they release it I think......

Anyways, not to worry they will eventually when they reconcile their books. Either that or I will just chargeback the transaction when it shows up.....

I haven't done a lot today except use the computer and go and buy thermal underwear....Calgary is freezing. Sorry but can't remember if I already wrote that this morning. The lady at the shop thought it was funny/cute. We had a nice chat.

More later.  

Apr 18, 2007 at 23:25 o\clock


Have just arrived in Calgary and it is twice as cold as it is in Vancouver. I made a hike out to the shops to get some thermals and the shop assistant and I had a laugh at me being cold and wanting them.

I spent ages writing in my notebook diary about (J's death). Imagining what happened - did he scream, did he die alone... All the feelings from the harrassment came back though, and had me wondering why I should be morning and crying about someone who didnt apologise and only made more fun of me for being upset at the way I was treated by him and (T) and basically going out of his way to hurt me, humiliate, embarrass me and pick on me.

Emailed (K) because it seemed like the right thing to do. I really wanted someone to talk to about it and it was hard being all alone on the bus with this going through my head. Thank goodness for my ipod.

 Enough for now.

Apr 17, 2007 at 19:32 o\clock


I just got an email from (K) in Japan. Apparently (J) died in a climbing accident in Niigata. He was still with the married chick and she is flying his body home to Canada.....

Part of me is sad, part of me isn't sure why i was included in the message, cos we fell out pretty majorly.

Knowing that he is still with the married chick, justmakes me madder that I was such a joke and being taken the piss out of and totally picked on.

That is horrible I know, and I am sorry he has died, and I can only imagine it would have been terrifying and obviously quite upsetting to his partner and his family and people who actually were his friends.

I am stunned and not quite sure how to take the news. Part of me at the time thought I was in love with him and yet how can you love someone who would hurt you so terribly.

Initially I did enjoy talking to him and thought he was pretty cool. This is going to take some time to absorb. I guess I can only say I hope the Funeral is nice and that he wasn't in a lot of pain after the accident.

Apr 16, 2007 at 22:05 o\clock

Back in Vancouver

Tour is finished and I am here in an Internet Cafe soaking wet cos I got stuck in the rain, so trying to dry off a bit before I brave the hike back to the hotel to clean up.

The tour was great, met some really nice people. The Rockies are amazing and very beautiful, I uploaded my photos from the trip and arrival the other day cos I just wanted to chill and not go anywhere. My SIN card is still not ready....so much for 10 days, but I guess we have had Easter which I didn't factor in.....

In terms of the tour, I don't think I have ever seen quite so many mountains. It really was spectacular scenery. We had a campfire on night which was really cool fun as well. True to form the guide picked up one of the girls as well. This upset one of the other girls who was keen as well....Whoos. No news on that front for me at the moment, would be nice eventually though...I guess if I overcome my shyness then maybe someday it will happen....

Anyways, gotta go.


Apr 6, 2007 at 21:06 o\clock


Well, this is my last day in Vancouver before I head out on my tour tomorrow morning. It is Easter, and I forgot this and was getting all anxious about my electricity and gas accounts, but they probably wont arrive til next week after the Easter Break. There will be no post, and having worked for AGL, the billing area does not work public holidays. Its only general questions and emergencies and making payments.

But, other than that, I am having a good time in Vancouver. I have taken a tour bus around the city, seen Stanley Park and been up to the Observation Tower and lots of cool shops. There is a pretty little section called Gas Town which has nice restaurants and looks out along the mountains. It also has a quaint Steam Clock. All in all, a pretty good break in Vancouver. I moved rooms at my hostel the other night because some rude bitch brought a guy back to fuck. I left the door open for all to see when I went down and asked to change rooms. Really, if two other people are in the room and you are going to fuck in front of them, why not just do it in the corridor or the TV room.

Anyways, just a quick update. It's funny I feel tied to a computer sometimes - I guess the word is addiction. The hostel has three computers which are only $1.00 for half an hour. That's a pretty good deal.

The girl in the room I am in now is really nice. She is from Switzerland and has been living out near Toronto, but has come out here for a while. I also happened to bump into a girl I did the CELTA course with a couple of years ago. Small world, cos I have run into her on the way back from Sydney and we also caught up in Japan when we were there as well.

Enough for now.



Apr 1, 2007 at 23:48 o\clock

Note from Vancouver

Since I am being lazy, this is a paste of the email I have just sent.

Just  a quick note to say Hi and that I have arrived in Vancouver  OK.  The stop over in Taipei was a good break - the hotel was amazing and backed onto a Golf Course, which has seen the likes of Jack Niklaus.....

Anyways, I am here. I start work on the 7th of May at Lake Louise.

The first thing I did was lose  my return flight coupons (dated 6 months from now) whilst going through Customs and getting my work Visa. So I guess it looks like I am not coming back (just kidding, but I am going to have to sort it out on Monday down at the airline office in Vancouver).

After  panicking and crying from exhaustion because no one was very helpful about it, I had the information desk ring the airline for me and they told me to go in and have them re printed, so probably shouldn't panic too much.  What makes it a pain is there are two airlines I am going to have to deal with about it.

The bus didn't drop me off at the hotel either....I had to walk down the street and around a corner and the driver laughed when he saw what hotel I was going to on the coupon.....not a good sign before I  get there, but it seems good, the staff are friendly and it is in a central spot and clean so can't complain too much.


I will write more later when I have some more news. This was really just a quick g'day to say I am still alive and kicking.

Hope you are all well.



Apr 1, 2007 at 06:40 o\clock


Well I am back at the airport and have a while to spare. We stayed at an amazing hotel last night for the stop over. The Golf Course is 36 holes and is just beautiful and green and lush. I had a really relaxing bath as well because the bathroom was massive and had a separate bath and shower and having lived in a Studio, it was a novelty to have such a nice room.

Anyway, just an update. Havent seen or done much apart from be at airports and hotels and on planes. There were some good inflight movies which helped ease thje boredom, plus I have three books to read as well. Enough for now. More later.