New Years has been and gone. The fireworks were pretty cool. Very crowded but pretty. Everything else is still the same, people bitching about (C) at work. One of my friends has left to a different department, caught up with her and a few others from work. Her brother was there and he was nice. Gorgeous, too.
My own brother had his 30th birthday yesterday so i went with dad to his house and then out to a restaurant for dinner with mum and her partner. Was weird. Things are never going to change with me and mum. They even bought up blackburn the old house and were talking about memories from it and it was like it was just between the two of them, i felt excluded from having a history there. Not that I am probably making much sense when i write this. I don't understand why she didn't want to tell me and had to make up lies about it so that other family members were upset with me when i hadn't done anything.
Mum's birthday was about 10 days ago and her partners only a few days ago as well. I don't understand how he let her do this to me either.
I don't trust her, I am hurt, upset, angry and confused. It's like she can't bear to look at me becuase of her guilt and whatever issues she has about me not being able to have a baby. Maybe my presence reminds her all the time and she can't handle it because she blames herself...I don't know. I can try analyse as much as I like, I am not really going to understand anything other than she seems to get kicks out of hurting me and bullying me and competing for attention.
On a different note, work is starting to get to me. Cranky bloody customers and all the bitchiness of who gets invited where to social things. The main things i hate is getting screamed at on the phone. However thy have let me flag/help assist the newies whilst they are on the phones which has been really great.