May 31, 2006 at 15:00 o\clock


had a mega battle with the webhosting company tonight. i hope it is the end of it. i have requested and requested cancellation and it just isnt happening. i have called credit cards, so hopefully it doesnt happen again. they assured me they would take steps if i had forwarded on correspondance to them which i have, so fingers crossed. got monitored today and for once didnt fail a call with my TL they were threes and twos which she was happy with. she hasnt bothered to say anything about the other night either no one has....so maybe not as bad as i thought. dunno have my first shrink appointment in ages tomorrow. not looking forward to it. i dont feel like rehashing everthing again and again it is exhausting and i am getting along ok for the most part. i am sick of analysing evey little thing with her. will let you know how it goes, as it is meant to be review.... i am getting good feedback about my website as well which is cool. anyways bed now . gnite

May 24, 2006 at 15:30 o\clock

another day, another dollar

work seemed ok. kept quiet and to myself. just sat down and took calls and did my job. didnt need a team leader all day surprisingly enough. no unlock requests needed all day. I guess part of my problem is boredom and the monotony of the job..... they have been pretty good to me though considering all the fuck ups i have made. i was so new though i had no idea what i was doing. i am not sure if that was not taking in the training or if i am simply slow....i know what i am doing now. I suppose they would monitor me if it was a serious problem and i havent heard anything else. I will be in the bad books for the rest of the week though i suppose. who knows who cares. I think my problem is that i am lonely. all i do is come home to an empty appartment and go to work in the daytime. I dont have any interests at the moment outside of work. my website yes, but it is not helping me meet other people.... i have to say i am not fulfilled in this job. i want a challenge.....i dont want to be on the phones forever. Sorry. i hate to grumble, it is a good job really. I just wish i was doing better but that is the story of my life. Full time work doesnt seem to agree with me to well. Perhaps i do have an attitude problem. I got nice comments in my review though. Perhaps i worry too much and analyse too much. This is not a job I am going to waste tears on if it ends up not working out then fine, I am not going to bang my head against a brick wall and stay in an awful situation unneccessarily. On one hand i like the people, that is ok. It is an important yet very boring job. I seem to be making some friends slowly though. I can get past last nights humiliation. Perhaps i do need to take it on board i still think i should have been told off in private instead of in front of everyone. nevermind. Other than that, my site seems to be doing ok. I may add some stuff to it on the weekend, but for now it is cool. I am happy with the design. It is strange, i was happy the other day but now i feel empty. i miss mum. none of my family has seen me since i got back or vice a versa except for dad. Is that how it is going to be forever, i hope not. I am still very hurt but i miss her and wish things could be alright. I dont feel like i should be apologising though i am not the one making up lies and trying to be controlling, no i am the one who lets her blame me for everything. If i am a freak because i cant give her a granchild then i dont know who she is.

May 24, 2006 at 02:15 o\clock


got told off at work in front of everyone last night which was not a very nice feeling. Had a customer call up because they hadnt received a letter to activate pay anyone. explained to him he would need to apply agian because there is no other access to the number. updated the address details and ensured all of that was ok and he ended up wanting to escalate. The TL told me off for being rude to the customer and that i need to watch my tone when i am on the phone blah blah. fair enough but she shouldnt have screamed at me herself in front of everyone. She said she was listening to part of it and my tone was not good and dont bang your mouse,which i wasnt as far as i recall. Guess it will be ok, it just didnt feel very nice. We are busy and get no time between calls to draw breath i am tired and he was already agitated. I didn't understand what i was saying wrong i was trying to help the customer. I asked him if he was receiving statements he said yes. The TL showed me a print out of his address and the start date was 2008. dunno if i did that flustered or if it ws already there, but initially it hadn't been loaded properly which i tried to explain but he just wasnt listeing at that point. He said he wasnt going to complain about me so perhaps i wasnt as bad as i think, but for god sake i dont think being screamed at in front of everyone by the TL is any better. Wasnt my TL at least but she will hear about it and it will be gossip. Keep my head down and mouth shut i suppose hope things are ok. I wasnt deliberately being rude. It gets hard when they are yelling at you themselves though. I wasnt yelling and i certainly didnt realise i was banging things on the desk if i was. Not looking forward to going in today.

May 21, 2006 at 06:55 o\clock


Heading says it all. I cheated and requested to cancel the domain name, my site is running through blogspot. i have pics to upload, but the magazine section is ready and linked and operative. Sorry i didnt use blogigo to do this, but the layout is easier and a little more user friendly with what i chose. This is exciting. Finally all my work in the one spot, linked for people to get to from within the one site and it looks official. YAY. www.juniorpromedia.blogspot.com visit it and take a squiz. some of it you can already get to in old blogigo logs but it is all compiled here. YAY. Finally Progress. Other than that - went out last night with (k). and (l) the other night. Sounds like heading to the UK is the thing to do.....I am considering November 2007 perhaps.......I will have a lot of people i know over there and a great chance to see europe and the uk. Which I have to do once in my lifetime at least. Plan in that case is to continue with ANZ for another year, keep building my folio and head off around November. (K) will be there about 4 months later. It is at least a long term objective to work towards. i dont feel like i am plodding along with no goal to aim for which is nice. Hopefully open up some career ops for me as well.

May 17, 2006 at 12:31 o\clock

back to reality

rest of this week has been fairly normal i suppose. not really anything eventful. have a few plans on the weekend and tomorrow night, but other than that am a little bored. Lunch with Dad tomorrow. Should be ok. Looking at my pics and wish I was in Noumea again partly, but am also glad to be in Melbourne again. Dont recall if i wrote or not but I am considering moving overseas if possible though work. Would be unreal if I could. We havea couple of Kiwis that have transferred over here so seems like it could be an option. I would say it is performance based though so probably will need to wait until my yearly review. Give myself time though. Got a mail from (K) he is going to marry (K) my replacement at the job in Japan. I arrived home and found this message ENGAGED. they sound pretty serious which is nice. Part of me is a little jealous still and hurt angry cheated that the job didnt work out. I feel like it didnt get a chance and now i dont have the energy or motivation to try again somewhere else. I couldnt take a nother failure but i will always feel uncertain if it could have been different and gone well in the teaching profession. I dont know if i have the personality for it though. At least not in Japan obviously anyways. I just wish it hadn't been the case, it is still hurtful to think about and i still feel resentful about the lost opportunity. I can't pin it all on (j) perhaps i need to accept that, but......far out. If i move this time, i have no idea what i would do with my stuff. storage again perhaps........Would it really be a bad thing if i tried again somewhere else for a while. There really isnt much keeping me here. I like the stability of what i am doing an if ANZ could present the chance i would take it but is it a bad thing if i looked at teaching again somewhere else? I guess i need to ask myself if i am genuinely motivated for the experience. I dont feel i would want to live in asia again. I need to establish a career path i am not getting younger i cant just keep shunting around in entry level stuff forever. It may not be my dream job but perhaps i need to stick with ANZ for a bit and see if an opportunity presents. If i bring it up nicely enough with management as to what i need tp do/improve on etc......anyways, enough for now. Too much work talk. need to stop that. Learn from the past.

May 15, 2006 at 14:05 o\clock


back from my trip to noumea. had a wonderful time. absolutely gorgeous beaches and sights. some cute french and melanseian guys. maybe it was the accent.....but anyway. had a terrific time. took the tourist train around the city and bay to the zoo. went to a tropical island for a day tour and managed to get pulled up to dance in a grass skirt. Climbed the stairs of a lighthouse a sheet 247 steps in total and was totally exhausted and amazed by the view all at once. went for a swim in one of the most beautiful beaches i have ever seen. Managed to get stung by a jelly fish on the big toe i think or maybe it was coral....still trying to figure that out. Also had one of the largest alcoholic cocktails i have ever seen. saw the sunset, walked til my feet were about to drop off. Saw a marathon/triathlon, Souvenir shopping, ate out at some very beautiful spots. Got lost on buses. Slept, relaxed and generally had a great time. Am glad to be home again, but yeah. It was amazing. My 27th birthday as well, seems old when i say it. Can hardly believe I am fast approaching 30 and....we wont go there now, but yeah am feeling old and slightly feel cheated that i have missed a few 20 something experiences other people my age have had. Almost like i have had to grow up too soon. Maybe that is a little silly, but it's how i feel. Just got back last night. Am surprisingly tired as I had to get a tram into the city to go grocery shopping after work tonight. I have also had washing to do and needed to unpack.

Have a few outings this weekend. Seeing (L) on Thursday and (K) on Saturday. I also have a birthday that I have been invited to on Saturday, so we will see. I am early to work this morning. Managed to stay up until 1am last night though so am a little sleepy. Oh well. Still feels good being back. I am much more refreshed.....

Got my 6 month review yesterday as well. Seems ok. Nothing special, but I am plodding along ok by the looks of things as long as my stats stay at the expected levels.

Anyways, that is about it from me. Feels like a while since i wrote last....