Time Off Next Week
Have five days off next which will be great. Plan to go to a day spa for a massage. Feeling a little lonely (l) is away and I haven't heard from (k) not sure when she is going on her holiday. (New Years ish time I think....dunno). Should see if she is free, but she is only going to want to go out drinking. Would be nice if we could do something different together. I know I need to put myself out there if i want to meet guys, but with her it's seems constant and I want to talk about/ do other things. I should start suggesting some things, except she never seems interested when I do.....arghh.
Haven't heard much from the family. Had lunch with my brother last week, mum seems a little at a loss with no weekly family dinners anymore. I am still seeing my shrink, I am sick of feeling like I am under the microscope. If not at work in Japan then by mum and now i feel like i have to bloody 'check in' with my shrink just to make sure I am not mental this week for fuck sake.
Had a session at the gym today. I am pretty unfit. Really need to get back into the swimming routine I had going. I was at that pool all the time. Funny the premises are just not as nice or clean or enticing here. The change rooms I could have spent alll day in alone - massage chair sauna, spa.....was it anywonder I would spend nearly 2 hours a day there when i could.
My brother still hasn't seen the apartment yet. Be nice if he would make some fucking effort.
Mum has a new car, sold hers to my brother. She offered it to me a while ago, but i said no. Seems a bit pathetic offering me a car she wont even let me drive for god sake.
I can't change her perception of me, fine I aman awful daughter and i hate my mother. If it's never going to change then what is the bloody point. They need to work with me a little here as well. I AM THE ONE WORKING ON ALL THIS SHIT> I JUST NEED A BIGGER SUPPORT NETWORK> That is not that easy when i have made a life overseas and the people who have been part of that are overseas. I need to start again. Why does no one seem to understand that and all they want to do is blame me for their own bullshit problems and issues because they need an easy scapegoat. NOT ANYMORE>
