why the bloody hell is my family life so bloody complicated.....for god sake. Dad's wife is a bitch and my mother is an interfering control freak who thinks i am nuts simply because she didn't like being told to stay out of things and mind her own bloody business.
I am not even sure my shrink listens properly sometimes. Maybe that's just my reaction to her seeing mum behind my back i dunno, but I hate the way i get treated in my family and it isn't going to change. I GET that, what I am not learning is strategies to stop getting blackmailed and roped into situations where everything gets blamed on me. It is almost as if i HAVE to do things mums way or I am alone and will get no help because Iam not doing exactly what she bloody wants. Its fine for my shrink to say avoid it and stay away from it, not so easily done and she knows what i mean when i say that, she's met my bloody mother.
Mum invites me over to dinner and then says she can't fucking drive me home, well for god sake.....ARGHHHH, i can't keep fighting with her over EVERY little thing. It's like anything I do has to be made difficult. It can't just be simple. WHY. I apologise if me needing my parents during vce bloody interfered with her god damn relationship. I am three years behind my brother in school. YES I DO feel like she has always been busy doing other things and its not like she fucking hasn't been. I know its tough being a single parent but to me, my brother and her partner (t) have always come first. None of them actually came to visit me. It was all Vietnam Vietnam Vietnam I Want to be with (t) wah wah wah poor me - oh his kids don't like me do something...for fuck sake. SHe needs to grow up. They are her problems NOT MINE. I have enough of my own already. If she thinks I am a pathetic little shit I can't change that but I am not going to continue to compete with her bloody "I'm a good mother act" which she always seems to pre empt before I even have any time to acknowldege my own reactions. Half the time I don't know because she's umped in and assumed it for me and ARGHHHHHH. SOrry. just needed to vent.