Rambling

Found my own place. The application got approved pretty quick which was awesome. I am a little nervous about bringing it up with the family though, but that will probably not be an issue. The only one who is probabnly going to do something to steal the limelight or put a dampner on things is mum. It is going to be interesting because i haven't even told people i was looking.

I am a little freaked out about her reaction but i really need to stop letting her have that much influenc eon my decision. Not wanting to move out because i dont bloody want to upset her is the WRONG reason to stay and i cannot handle the scrutiny and her treating me like some pathetic poor little handicapped freak out of pity or whatever it is.

On a brighter note, i am going to the caulfield cup on saturday, which is nice.  I had lunch with (L) today which was good, she gave me the courage to accept the apartment. I am just not sure if i should hold off, but there were a lot of positives about the place. Yes it is tiny, but Location is great. It was clean, tidy, had a pool, modern, secure, well presented, close to work and the city and will give me some freedom and peace.

so.....a fair bit of good there.

ok, that's enough for tonight. I at least have some time to decide how i am going to break the news to my family.....i want to discuss it with my shrink first.  fuck i am a bit of a mess at the moment aren't i. Maybe i am but there is nothing wrong with that, out fmaily has had a lot to cope with and i am struggling to develop an identity in this family that isn't overshadowed by my mother.  sorry it always comes back to her doesn't it.