one week to go til i move into my new place. yay. <: looking forward to it. Mum and (t) have been pretty good under the circumstances. I know mum must be itching to make a fuss but she hasn't done it yet. Which is impressive - she is getting the message, albeit slowly.
They seem to have enjoyed the holiday, which is awesome. I am still a little antsy around them. But i think i need ot move on. I get stuck fixating on a problem for too long and can't seem to talk about anything else. I just wish she didn't consume so much of my thoughts and energy. I just want to be happy and be able to do normal things.
Well. time to head to bed. I have an early morning start tomorrow and it's midnight. Burning the candle at both ends is not something i can handle a lot of, and i have a fairly big week ahead. I am moving departments at work, which is good. Something new to do....I don't want to be on the phones my whole life.....I am getting along ok though. Funny thing is I asked about (j) a couple of nights ago. He is apparently doing great. I was surprised how much that upset me. I am still pretty hurt, angry, humiliated...whatever by what happened there and part of me resents the fact he moved on so fast and just didn't give a shit. He was fucking some chick on a desk in the office a few days after he had been spoken to by my boss about things. Did not give a stuff at all or learn anything. I may have found it easier to forgive or move on if he had at least shown some sort of remorse. Fuck i was even prepared to try and talk to him about it, he totally didn't want to. I felt SO god damn intimidated by their anger after it came out. And he is ' great'. I have had to pick up the pieces - i hate to sound like a whiney three year old, but it isn't fair. I deserved 2 be treated with some respect, why did no one help me when it was quite clear what was happening. I am not believed simply because i am a shit teacher that is just off. I wish i wasnt still so bloody affected by it, but i did not deserve to be treated like it. He does not deserve to be 'great' and as for the insensitivity of the person who passed this on.....arghhh. I think i really fell for him hard. But that is what i didnt understand. I was saying no, so how can i have feelings for him.