Starting to get my grove back.
Have had a couple more interviews which have been good to help me get into the swing of things. Getting the confidence back slowly. Now that i can breathe a little at home i feel better.
Arghh i had never realised how much i felt smothered by everyone elses expectations. I need to start doing things for me, but then again, when have i ever not? i dunno. I feel selfish, but i really need to focus on myself and what it is that I do that contributes to the difficulties yes outside factors don't help, but i need to have some responsibility too.
Anyway. (t)'s daughter is pregnant, which is awesome. Everyone is so excited for her which is great. I am looking forward to watching her go through the pregnancy. It will be good. 
I am hopeful about todays job interview. So who ever is actually taking the time to read this, wish me luck.
I haven't had a lot of motivation yet, but am starting to feel ok again. I even had an email last night from one of the girls on contiki with me, i didn't expect to hear from her again, but it was really cool to hear from her. Not the complete disaster i thought. Yet i told my doctor i got picked on, which i did....but i am used to it. I just need to find ways of generating the kind of attention i acutally want instead of negative attention and attention for the wrong reasons, because it's a big part of being a person - the more outgoing or better at getting attention you are, the more successful you are. It's just hard when i feel like i have been picked for every little things possible that there is to pick on - being teased for simply being a girl is quite close to the bone especially when i have my own hang ups already about my femininity because of my infertility and the turners. I need to give it a rest i kow, but it is something i need to deal with EVERY day and it gets exhausting so i need coping strategies to handle the taunts better and earn respect from people because i haven't really managed it yet. I don't think. 
