Rambling

have three job interviews lined up which should be good.  Mum's partner's daughter is pregnant, so that is exciting. 7 months to go......it's going to be exciting to be around for the pregnancy. I have never known anyone whilst they are actually having a baby if that makes any sense. Never beenthis close to the experience anyway. We will get to see a lot of them and what is going on i mean, whereas dad's grand kids i never hardly see, maybe some of that is my own fault, maybe some is family tension. (f) never seems to want us near her or her family. Her choice i guess, but i've never actually had anything against her or the family she is just a neurotic control freak. But anyway. Things seem better now i am back from new zealand. WOuld love to here from (p) but i guess we didn't know each other that long so i shouldn't be surprised. But I am glad he made me start dealing with the issues i have had and at least try and start leaving the past in the past. I seem to dwell and have trouble letting go...it is particularly hard when all the contacts i do have bar a few are overseas. None of the bloody NOVA gang actually like me. My friend from Invercargill hasn't replied to my emails. Maybe she is busy with the new job, i don't know. I get tired of thinking the worst sometimes. But she knew the others were all coming down as well. Maybe she is with them who knows. I could kill fucking (je) she should get her facts straight before spreading gossip far and wide thatis complete crap. But i guess she simply doesn't like me and neither does (k), they would have inlcuded me in things if they did and i was dumb enough not to make much effort with anyone else and was too upset at the work issue i had...it's the same thing i get upset try talk it over with someone, talk it to death they get sick of it and then i end up with no one. Real friends would be supportive and i never seem to get that. I find it hard to focus on anything else which is a problem in itself. i guess theyunderstand i am upset they think i should still try and have fun. It would be normal for me to just once actually WANT to go and pick up or meet men. I never do because i have too much other stuff going on and am to busy trying to establish some women friends. ARGHHHH.  Frustrating. But at least i am starting to understand why certain problems arose and do arise. Now i find it a little more difficult because of the whole gluten free thing....that only adds to it. I can't drink beer for one thing. Fuck (je) is a bitch.