Rambling

I have been back a month and already family shit is getting on my nerves. All because mum panicked and decided to run around telling everybody i may or may not have something i don't have.

I came home after a bad experience, which no one has actually talked to me about. I can hardly even relate to my own family because of the bloody tension between mum and dad.

There is still a lot of ill feeling going around about what happened. I guess - people are still very sensitive to what happened. Why am I worrying so much. My brother makes no effort to go and visit or call Grandma etc and all of a sudden i want nothing to do with my family simply because i don't like dad's wife. It's not actually true. I am not holding a grudge I want to mend the bad relationships. Mum's fucking email to dad didn't help things. His wife never goes to visit his family either and my brother doesn't like going to visit when she is there either.

I have been away and all my family can do is get pissed off. Mum and (t) are pissed of because they haven't had the house to themselves. Dad and (f) are pissed because they are worried mum was asking them for money again. My brother i find hard to talk to. I try and show interest he never seems very responsive. He is doing a lot better and I am happy for him about that.  I wish i had a better relationship with him.

So yeah i need a holiday to get away from the family crap. I am looking forward to it.

I am trying to be supportive of mum, but i feel like she is rejecting my efforts. I didn't even know she was going to the doctors when all of a suddeni come home from the shops or a walk or something and ooh she has had a cancer scare. I don't know how i am supposed to react. I am anxious about how much people know, mum is emailing dad which has pissed them off and my brother i don't know how to talk to.

mum had a go at me today because she thinks i am making up conspiracy theories or something. It's not what i was trying to say, but i obviously upset her because she is hyper sensitive about the (my brother) issue. I just dont feel like i can do anything right at the moment. All I wanted was peace and quiet and rest. They get upset that i am trying to get myself back out there and at the same time get upset if i dont make the effort. They can't have it both ways.