Rambling

Jun 29, 2005 at 13:09 o\clock

Getting back out there....again.....

Mum is in hopsital, so have been visiting her. Had a job interview this morning and my doctors appointment. So been a little busy.

mum is ok, she was in a lot of pain and was pretty nervous about the operation. We went in with her and have visited her a few times. She comes home tomorrow. The operation went pretty well.

was up at dads on the weekend before mum went in to hopsital and also the pair of us went to visit my brother. dad's bitch of a wife was not even going to open the door when i rang the doorbell and then started in on the email mum sent to dad. They had gotten it up their noses that she was after money again, which she never did. I have been telling them this and am furious that this crap spoiled my weekend away with dad. I give up trying to get through to him. he needs to stand up for his kids at some stage. The week shit. I know he's my dad and thats why i can say it, he is spineless.

The interview went ok. I was a little nervous, but it was good to get some practice and to help get past things. I don't know if me trying to move on still is upsetting mum. What does she expect me to be doing, moping around??? I am glad she is ok. She was in pain last night and pretty groggy from the pain killers.

I have joined a book club and my holiday is at the end of next week - a little nervous but excited at the same time. Anyways...enough for now. My doctors appointment helped.  I think she wants to keep seeing me for a bit though, just not as regularly.

 

 

 

Jun 23, 2005 at 12:36 o\clock

Moving on - the new career path????

Have one more visit to the doctor this month, she is confident i will get past the setbacks, which is good i guess.

had my last visit at the careers counselling centre ACER today as well. This has been helpful in making me see why i have found the decision SOOO difficult. Mum has been good, looking all day for jobs for me pretty much.

I applied for one and am going to take some time tailoring some responses for the other stuff Mum and Tom have been very good to me considering mum is sick. She goes into hospital on Tuesday. I feel a little guilty, but this is time i need to be selfish because i don't want things to continue the way they are. I want to improve my relations with peers. I have a few friends, but really need some self esteem boosting. I would like to try teaching again perhaps - especially since the course cost me so much......i guess it's provided me with some useful skils i can apply to something else though. I really don't like the whole being a performer 24/7 that goes with the job in Japan, whilst i love the country itself.......it just got too much while i was sick and dealing with the other stuff.

I am mainly glad to be home, i am trying to get back into things agian. I don't know if this is upsetting mum at the moment, it might be but she hasn't said it is and i have been trying - hugs, massages.....it's difficult when it's not you going through it i guess and i have been panicking i am schizo.....I am not, neither doctor has said i am. I simply need to talk and have some guidance. At least i took it upon myself to go and see someone. I knew things weren't right.

Writing this has been good. I can't believe how upset i have been. It is a problem however that i can never focus on anything else once i do get upset and that kind of digs my grave for me, because i am too hurt to be rational.

Anyway, better finish up. I have a feeling things may geta bit better. YAY.

 

Jun 21, 2005 at 16:26 o\clock

Tuesday.

Mum got the results yesterday and was a little better. I am glad she is going to be ok. Everyone is. She keeps saying her body is achy, this is from the exhaustion i guess. She was at the doctors today and they want her to have her ovaries removed next week.  I think she is upset, but feels better knowing it's not cancer and its been found relatively soon. She said today she hates hospitals and i realized today, i have been to hospital a lot. My health has really not been good. Tonsils, Adenoids, Broken bones, teeth, turners - all the tests and prodding - check ups. The gastroscopy and testing which found i have celiac disease and the doctors visits in Japan -pneumonia/bronchitis, ear infection.....

I am glad mum is ok, she seems to be alot better about things today anyway.

We went to visit (t's) mum and dad which was nice. I was glad to see them. They still seem to be a bit worried about me though, which i can understand. but now is not the time to talk about it with them i guess. I just wish they would stop worrying. It feels a little patronising having everyone telling me "oh, you look well....."....I need to try and establish my self again. It is hard enough without mum telling the family and all her friends that i might be a mental case, neither doctor has actually said it yet. I am not alittle kid anymore, does the fact i went and sought counselling myself not speak for something? All i want is to foget about it and move on.

I was simply pretty overwraught because things DID NOT GET ANY SPACE. and if mum would listen it wasn't ALL NIGHT drinking binges, and at the time i did not feel there was a lot of other options for me. I did do my best to avoid them. It was alittle difficult when you get scared of what will happen if you do say no considering they had a history of violence. 

One thing i know about me is that i have always thrived on my independence, maybe to a fault. It is one of the big things i loved about living in Japan. Being able to travel wherever i want, whenever i want and having everything (ie shops and stuff) so convenient and easy to get to. Not like here in Melbourne.  

dad rang, he had forgotten about lunch today. I had a good chat to him about things, because i was upset that i had dragged mum into it when she was stressed about the blood test results. He thanked me again for "clarifying" things about the email.  He said, yeah there had been a bit of confusion. He even said this and seemed relieved when i said i was paying for stuff myselt. So they had been concerned about money, but i really shouldn't have spent so much energy on  worrying especially at a time when mum is sick, and i told dad this. I also told him i was worried i might be schizophrenic and that (t's) family know bits about what happened in Japan hasn't helped. He seemed a lot more sympathetic but said "if you are you'll get through it....there's a reason you are finding things difficult at the moment, but everyone makes mistakes...you've found out the job isn't for you".  I started crying. He also said he didn't think i was schizophrenic, but he hasn't really lived with me for the past 15 years. I said to him "there has to be something to it. It is too many people...". he still didn't seem convinced. I don't know. But the fact he kept ringing me back (three times and counting) after me asking him if he was upset, yeah i was worried, but mum hasn't had the enrgy to listen to this and i guess she is not the right person to talk to about it and i shouldn't have said anything to her. But he is my dad, and like she said i need a realtionship with him.  I asked dad why he hadn't talked to me about what happened - not only that but he didn't call me when he knew mum was going out of her mind. he said he was waiting for me to talk to him about it.

I gave mum a hug tonight and actually cried. Almost losing her, and the reality of how scared she was kind of hit home. I am hurt i can't talk to her about the sex stuff. The doctor i saw in Tokyo thinks it was abuse, but mum tells me to take responsiblity for my own actions. At the time it wasnt as simple as that. Now all i want is to get on with things and have that shit left alone. I don't know if this a normal reaction....

i have two more doctors appointments. She is helpful, but i am a little scared. She hasn't said i am sick yet, but i am guessing i am not well if she wants to see me again. Perhaps i just have a lot of history and baggage to tell before she makes the assessment, i don't know. It was interesting she said she wasn't sure she had been sympathetic enough to what i was telling her. Our last session was about dad and the family. She said she liked the way i talked about what happened and found me "engaging".

I guess tomorrow will be about the shock of this weekend.

Jun 19, 2005 at 10:49 o\clock

Sunday Blues

Mum has just found out she may have ovarian cancer. So the family is in a bit of shock.  I rang to see if she was ok and left a message, she rang back and wanted to be picked up. I went with (t) to the doctors and to pick her up from work. She is in utter shock. The family has been calling to see if she is ok. I am upset but i dont think it has quite sunk in yet. I am doing my best to be supportive and show i care. She must be going through absolute hell with worry, waiting for the results. She's been really good to me. I know she worries out of concern but sometimes it's a little too much.  I cried alone in my room about it, but i haven't cried in front of her yet. I don't really want to create more worry for her. I want her to be ok, but i can tell she is pretty devastated and shocked. So is Tom.

SAT

I am a little upset today because mum seems to have upset dad and his wife again about money because of what happened in the past with my brother. I am also concerned dad has spoken to my brother about the boys phone message and the weekend and mum's email. The phone message made the realtionship with dad which was already strained bad enough without them worrying that i was asking for money again. So yes this was concerning me.

None of my family actually know ALL of what happened. They haven't really asked me - i am not sure why, is it that they are waiting for me to talk or do they just not care.  I did have other guy friends in Japan, i wasn't thinking they were all after me, it was only TWO that i ever felt a problem with, but i think at the same tiime i was a little curious.

I am tired and my brain is overworked, i am upset mum is sick and i am tired and frustrated at feeling like the mediator between mum and dad and her telling everyone i am mentally ill before i got home did not bloody help and dad reading the emails from mum saying how worried she was about me. She doesn't have the time or patience to listen to me at the moment which i am finding frustrating. No one here was in Japan with me.

I am not saying people are out to get me, its instinct and a perception of his reaction to what i said when we went for the walk to get the bread...at the time this comment was out of frustration. a 10 hour drive whilst on treanquilizers and just after a 10 hour flight and mum telling me to look for a job, the first night i am back in the country probably didnt help. "i can't deal with mum worrying so much, i have had to change the holiday three times so far. I pretty much had it booked and she wasn't happy..... and i would prefer to stay with grandma not (i and p). He was upset, i could tell, but oh i dont have the energy to try telling mum this anymore.  It doesnt even matter. What is more important is that mum is sick. I am EXHAUSTED which is probably why my mind is overactive none of the doctors have said i am mental. I am simply exhausted and have alot of baggage.

I am tired of being lonely and would love to have someone be there for me EMOTIONALLY for once.  I feel guilty thinking like this when mum is sick, because i love her, but i can't help feeling a little frustrated. I am not a baby, they don't need to treat me with kid gloves.

Jun 16, 2005 at 13:15 o\clock

Still more to go.

At the same time, uni was about to finish and it was serious job hunting time. I had applied to go overseas and teach for a year in Japan. I got the job. Mum was worried but excited for me. I had never travelled before and wanted to go. Mum's partner had been a referee for me. It had not been difficult to get the job.

I was still a little upset about the fight with the girls i had rented with and also had to pack up my room because mum and her partner would be moving while i was away and my brother had taken a teaching job in the country. I had sold him my car. I had been car shopping with dad as the first car had died after getting it back from being stolen.  He and his partner had also decided to move again while i was away.

My time in Japan for the most part i enjoyed. I was around people my own age, and able to enjoy seeing a new country and take off for weekends whenever i wanted. The same couldn't be said for my teaching however, except for the fact that i was not told i was getting complaints. This upset me a great deal when i found i had been given a false observation sheet. I felt embarrassed and angry at being lied to. It kind of soured the experience a little. I came home and dwelled on it a little. I missed Japan and the convenience, the familiar faces and being away from the family troubles. Four months later had the new job lined up and was ready to head back again. My mother and her partner had been to Vietnam during my first time in Japan and they had recently gone back there. My father and brother were still in town, but i was living out at mum and her partners place, my brother was now living at my mothers house. He had slit his wrists while i was away after the family cat had been hit by a car. I had offered to come home, but mum told me not to. I spoke to her on the phone and dad. they were all being very supportive. I even rang my brother. He was still recovering when i got home and looking for another job. This process was another thing that would upset him and make him depressed as well.

I will continue this later.

 

Jun 16, 2005 at 12:34 o\clock

there's more

As i was saying, things got nasty. My brother had a breakdown. I had trouble in highschool because i felt self consious and shy about my appearance - more so because of having turners. I even remember writing a story about it in english which i used for an assessment in VCE. It got full marks.

Anyways, my brother has a breakdown, I crash the car a few days later this is all whilst i am studying for my exams in year twelve. My dad and his wife start wanting to stop paying for child support. I find out  four years later that the whole of my dads family were encouraging him to do it. Mum was a wreck and ended up on anti depressants. I wasn't coping and was angry because i got poor exam results in two very important subjects (Chemistry and Literature) the assessments before that had been good....I move on campus to university to get away from things because home life is difficult and i think it might help me concentrate on my studies a bit more. I am also angry at mum for having taken a holiday for two months with her partner whilst i was in year 11. My brother and i didn't get along. I was also jealous because mum had been incredibly supportive of my brother and he had all the quiet time and space he needed to study - nothing was to much, he was smart and expected to do well. At the time i resented the perceived lack of support i got during the same two crucial high school years. I was overall a good student except when it came to maths.

Living on campus i came to decide i didn't want to study nursing. I hadn't had too many friends in highschool and things seemed to be going well socially - i had a 'Group' as opposed to one or two good friends. Things turned sour because i developed a crush on one of the boys, which wasn't reciprocated.

I changed courses after almost having a nasty car accident. People were supportive of the choice, but i was a little upset. My marks were fine. I just didn't want to do it.

I stopped getting along with some of the people i was living with and things really turned sour when i changed lodges the next year. We had a pretty big falling out - they had been ignoring my phone calls and the door when i came to visit. I was incredibly hurt by this, which resulted in me moving home and cutting off all contact with the group.

I lived at home again for about a year and started writing for the uni paper and volunteering and made a good friend there (L), who was doing media studies. It provided me with some social activities to get back into the swing of things as i was feeling incredibly lonely after severing ties with the group of people i had lived with. Moving back home was alright for the most part, although i know there were reservations as things had been pretty tense before this.

I decide to move out again eventually during my last year of university after i hear one of the girls has a spare room. My mum's partner had also moved in the week before i moved out as they were renovating his house, getting ready to move in together once it was finished.

For the most part moving out seems to go well. Again it gave me contact and a network with people my own age. So i was happy. The living arrangement again didn't work out and resulted in me leaving on rather bad terms with the two girls i was living with. (D) one of the girls had arranged for two other people to move in, didn't want to continue living with me and basically didn't know how to tell me. Her best friend moved in a month after i moved out. She had actually wanted to move in at the same time i grabbed the room, so i was a little hurt. 

 

 

 

Jun 15, 2005 at 04:44 o\clock

Moving on

It is interesting how much more i am starting to remember about what happened now that i am talking about it with someone who can put a professional perspective on what happened. I even had diary entries while things were going on. People keep telling me i shouldn't have kept going out with the boys, the problem was i hadn't at the time remembered the extent of things they were saying. Some of what they were doing at the time i thought, its ok, they seem to stop when you tell them or, oh thats just them mucking around, but they WEREN'T. The other teachers in the office KNOW this and it was still allowed to keep going. The shit teaching was a separate issue, but it was little difficult when the boys were doing it in the office as well.

I guess my problem is that when i am upset i find it a little hard to focus on anything else. And there has been A LOT i have had to cope with. I thnk me moving away from my family has been trying to escape the family problems, but then i have problems with my peers as well. I dont think i have dealt with things properly and its time to, because i dont want to end up lonely.

Dad left when i was in grade 6. I found out the same year i had a quite serious medical problem, meaning i needed growth hormone and that i can't have children.  Academically i have always had problems with maths and was a little lonely at school. I would fake sick days a fair bit.

My brother was accepted into a prestigous school that year as well. At the time i was jealous of the attention he was getting. He had not been happy at his first high school and some teachers were worried about his fascination for violence and blood.

We would visit my father every second weekend, i found this a little unsettling. I didnt like having to cart all my growth hormone and medication around. I was starting to feell like a guinea pig i had been to so many doctors whilst in grade 6 and year 7. Apart from that I was enjoying my first year at high school. Had made a couple of good friends. i never told anybody about the growth hormone treatment. I was angry at mum for telling some of her friends and i don't think dad understood the implications of what had been diagnosed. We have not really talked about it much apart from "you'll be right".

My brother started going to church once he moved high schools. Had a rough settling in period but seemed to like the school and made some good friends.

My father and mother both met new partners. Dad got remarried and my brother did not like her. We would have fights pretty much every weekend we went to see him. She had a daughter living with her and my father as well.

In year seven i had my tonsils out as well. More trips to the doctors. My best friend moved schools at the end of year 7 and i found things a little difficult after that. year 8 was ok. I made friends with two of the boys in my level, but one of my girl friends seemed jealous of the friendship and poisoned it a little.

In year 9 i made a new group of friends, but they had a falling out with one of the girls (R) and as she was the one who introduced me to the group i kind of felt a little isolated by them for supporting her. But i tried to stay loyal.

A lot of my social high school time was spent dealing with a problem i had with one girl (ka). We essentially didn't get along and she used to exclude me from things which would upset me terribly because it was a group of  four and the other three liked me, but they would always do what she said.

In year 12 it was exam time. My father had remarried by this stage. I had been appy for them I even encouraged them to take a honeymoon. My brother had met a girl and shortly after this he had a breakdown. This is where things got nasty.

I will continue this in another entry.

 

Jun 6, 2005 at 16:36 o\clock

doctors

not much to add yet here, will write about the drs apointment later.

it was good to talk. I kind of miss the doctor i saw in tokyo though, he was easier to talk to about it because i guess he was a male. The doctor today simply said 'no more sex talk'. She wants to get to the bottom of the bigger picture i guess......But mum is shouting me a holiday which should be good to get away from things. so hopefully next time i write it is on a brighter note.  Time for a new weblog diary perhaps.

Sorry if this one is a little confusing, but my other diaries are on a ship somewhere still coming home and i needed to get it out of me. It is surprising how much more detail i remember now. I was even writing things down after they happened. I am angry but moving past this is probably for the best. It was quite obvious the company didn't like the fact i was visiting my support network, the fact that so many people knew - indicating JUST how upset i WAS gettting and nothing was being done, and the fact that i had something over three people pretty high up in management (the email). The fact they were covering up things after i resigned made that pretty obvious. What happened were real events i didnt imagine what those two did and to isolate me and then make it the running joke once i resigned just made me sick. Why would someone put themselves through it again. Anyway, onto bigger brighter things.

Jun 6, 2005 at 04:23 o\clock

your best to start from the very beginning.

this diary wont make sense if you don't

i started it on the 4th of June and there are about 5 entries for that day.

Being home is not all it's cracked up to be, i miss (p) in particular because he is the one who made me confront the issues i was facing.  I think i have a rough road ahead of me for a while unfortuantely, but i will get on top of things and put the past in the past. It"s just difficult at the moment that's all.  But writing about it has been kind of therapeutic, i need to let go of it and move on and this has helped.

i miss being in japan. I LOVED having my independence and not having to deal with the family problems, but i need to face them at some stage i guess, which is what (p) tried to get me to do.

I like writing and have been doing heaps of that lately, am even planning on getting the aikido/kendo article i was doing while over there for (d and e) up and running. FINALLY. I have talked about it for months, but gotten too side tracked by things.

The aikido/kendo will be another blogg. So will my story of (p).  

 

Jun 6, 2005 at 04:16 o\clock

Home again

HOME AGAIN

The flight home was a bit of a blur. I watched two movies but was not really concentrating. I am still too upset thinking about what has happened.  I cried a little and tried to get some sleep.

It is a relief to be back home in some ways but i am also a little disappointed. I'm going to miss my independence and having my own place, but it's going to take me a while to get back on my feet.

I am on tranquilizers which mum is not happy about and having been to the doctors they want me to cut down on them. At the time iwas too upset at the first harrassment being made a running joke under my nose and not even realising it until my old boss and old city confirmed the "rumour" mill for me.

Anyway, will keep you posted. I am hoping to settle back into things. There are some family issues i need to deal with as well and i really need to decide what i want as a career. I guess i did learn something positive from this and at the least something positive came of it for the company as well, they might be better prepared for handling something like this next time. But at the moment i am a bit of a train wreck.

I have a holiday to see the grandparents for a bit with my father which should be good. But i am 26 and starting to hear the clock ticking in terms of career. Finding the answer is not going to be easy, my friend (p) already told me this, but there is a lot of emotional baggage i need to sort out first.

I know there is two sides to every story, but all i ever wanted was for the harrassment issue to be left alone in the new office and be able to do my job but they were too worried of the potential damage i could do if i actually DID say something. After what i went through the isolation and bullying and then to make the harrassment the running joke was just sick.........and they wonder why i needed to see a counsellor and couldn't handle being the only chick in the office.

Jun 5, 2005 at 08:37 o\clock

part 6

My boss is down and seems to be hesitant to want to talk with me. But she
sits down gives me a gloating look and says teasingly and i MEAN this
"it's
>a completely different staff....". So i know the rehash/ running joke is true.
>I say the wrong thing about laying all the cards on the table - my
>intention was to get her to be honest because i know people havent been and i dont really understand what happened. She sees my anti depresents on the table and leaves after we exchange some harsh words. She tells me she moved me to give me a chance, which i dont believe and aks why i talked about it in my new office - i didn't and the only person who knows this for sure is me, the students and the other teachers themselves but they havent directly
>admitted it, but since my old boss has already told me, I am reminded of his words "you've walked into two unfortunate situations....." . I tell the boss that i think it is sick if she is making what happened in the first office a joke. "i tell her, if you honestly think being given a choice between punching and having your crutch grabbed is funny..." and she goes yeah it's hysterical. Shortly after this she leaves.
>At the very least it is bullying because i am being told by (M) to use
>different stairwells to avoid running into the new chick.
>(S) rings me while i am having breakfast, to talk about the new tenant. The
>landlords name comes up in conversation and as i mentioned before, the landlord comes in with the tenant
speaking
>only japanese. I say "nice to meet you (finally)" in japanese" and she smiles uncomfortably.  The next day she speaks english well enough
to handle the water bill payment and wish me a nice flight at the least.
(C) from (city name) also comes up to check on things while the tenant is there, she was supposed to pick me up the day i arrived and didn't.
>Something doesnt add up - the wild goose chase for the car 'but it was right in front of you' - neither of them were going to help me that day, (Ia) not coming to my birthday party and the fact he was laughing at me when i started arriving at 10.30 again. I honestly feel like they are finding excuses to get me into trouble and since they have influence with the boss, they can say whatever they want. No one ever sat down to tell me.
If i was being fired for bad teaching they never sat down and told me this. I know they invented a couple of complaints after the personality quiz becuase if frightened them i was talking about the email.
>Things were just nasty.
>The day I resigned (M) and (Na) took the new chick downstairs and told her everything about me and what happened in my old city, simply because they wanted to get in first . I can only tell
this
>from the fact that when the topic of movies (something happened with
the
>boys at the movies remember) came up later that day in the office she
gave
>me a sympathetic look and she actually texted (P) to check up on me.
>It's like the management is simply panicked about what i could say and
>trying to beat me to it instead of leaving it around. Little things
like
>saying 'i forget' seemed to make people react with a gulity
conscience.
>
>I have finally collected my last pay and am away from it, but it has
been a
>difficult seven months.  But I am suspicious about a lot of things. I
am
>also angry that i wasnt at least given a chance to be moved away from
the
>fact everyone knew about the harrassment at the very least. Every time
i
>tried dealing with the bosses daughter she wasnt honest with me - i
put
>this down to her name being on the email.
>
>I am sorry it is such a long account, but to me little things dont add
up -
>being told i could only apply for  3 months of guitar lessons, not
putting
>the water bill in my name. The fact the staff were busy doing
something
>dodgy with the health insurance while i was off for being emotionally
>overwraught. It at the very least was simply a situation where i would not have been able to do anything right. My conversations with my old boss who even acknowledged when i rang to say goodbye "it would have been simpler if you'd gone back to (country name)......i gave you some bad advice last time you were down (which was golden week)".
>
>To me it feels a little planned - she wasn't harrassed, she was moved
to
>two offices and she still didnt work out. Well its a little difficult
when
>the other teachers have barely had a conversation with me and things
have
>been this hostile. Not all of this seems a coincidence - getting in
trouble
>for arriving 'late' when it is the same thing that happened to the
office
>staff. I was told it was ok. Which reminds me of another conversation i overheard between (Ia) and (M) when she had just taken over about the coffee fight and they both looked at me and gave a little startled reaction.

They have never spent time with me or included me to know if there IS or WAS any improvement. It was difficult when it was the bosses daughter i was having the problem with and she didnt want me making friends with anyone in the company. 7 months of this crap and i am still dwelling on things and a mess. 

Jun 4, 2005 at 12:05 o\clock

teaching experience part five

> I invite the other teachers to my birthday and there seems to be an
> uncomfortable atmosphere in the air (By) says he is busy with (L). (Ia) says
> he will come, I also invite the staff (St and Mi and Mk). Two of them say
> they will come.
>
> It is during this week that i receieve the health insurance letter, but i
> did not open it at this stage.
> The night of my birthday I meet (e) at the train station and tell her how
> isolated I am feeling.
> She tells me  - "make friends outside, but you don't seem to be able to do
> that".
> We head to the bar (Mk) arrives and we meet another group of people one of
> whom is also having a birthday party.  I go and meet (k) and (kr) who are
> now an item. I take them to the bar. Everybody i invited from my old city is
> there and (M) the new girl and (P) are there, he has also invited some of
> his friends one or two (Ni and Jy) who i have met one night in april when he
> invited EVERYBODY including the other teachers of my company although noone
> came. (M) had a friend (Lu) coming to visit and i ran into her as i was
> going to get something to drink for (P's) waiting for him to arrive. All the
> teachers of my company call him to say they arent coming.
>
> Anyway I detect (m) is slightly angry at me she says "how is work?" I say
> "fine", she gives me a strange look and goes "yeah?".  I have a conversation
> with (Ni) he is going back to America and I say I am enjoying myself and
> tell him my family are planning to visit in August. (M) gives an annoyed
> sigh at this. I go to have a friendly chat with (Kr) and she asks me if the
> other teachers are coming. I tell her that (Ia) said he would come, and that
> reminds me so I call him but get no answer.
>
> We sing Karaoke most of the night after some dart playing. I am sitting next
> to (M) most of the night and singing away and then move seats and I am
> sitting next to (d) who is busy making out with someone. I ask (Kr) to
> choose a song for me. Some of the others join in. We head off soon after.
> (M) glares at me as she walks out.
> (P) and his friends stay at the bar. We go to a third bar which (e) meets us
> at later after not being able to find my apartment.
> I am detecting that (m) is angry at me when i am around (k) - note he is one
> person who was a witness to most of the harrassment and could back up a fair
> bit of the situation. She pulls me up to dance and throws/pushes me at one
> of the bar men, he starts trying to dance quite closely at which she gives
> me a strange look to imply "what are you doing". I back away and go and sit
> down with (k) again.
>
> She also seems annoyed when i talk to (Kr) she asks them both to stay in her
> apartment that night and glares at me. We have left (e) behind as she wants
> to stay and talk to the bar owners. I feel terrible and we stop on the way
> back to call her. (M) keeps walking but seems angry. We get back to the
> apartment eventually and (m) is still up we also see (p) and a friend of
> his. (Kr) needs to go to the toilet so we walk past and head to my apartment
> and i catch another evil look from (m) as they head into my place. I say
> something quietly to (k) while (kr) is in the toilet because i feel like
> something is up "I feel like a scapegoat" I say, but you were there "you saw
> most of it" to which he goes "i know....dont worry everything is
> fine....there's no problem, you're birthday was a good night".
> We go for breakfast after getting dressed. (d) has met us by then and we are
> to bring (m) back some McDonalds i kind of laugh at her and giver her a look
> meaning "you're going to have to open the door". I see (d) off at the train
> station after telling her about things. I bring up the feelings of isolation
> (j) is allowed to get on with things why can't i....it's too hard to get
> away from when the whole bloody new office knows about it and it just
> seems to keep being brought up". She encourages me to quit - give two weeks
> notice and see how you feel".
>
> The environment at work is hostile, at least i feel like it is. I arrive and
> (Ia) doesn't even apologise for not coming to the birthday party.  This is a
> tuesday and the area management is also down. I know something is up as
> none of the teachers are talking to me and the boss of my culture centre
> comes and asks if everything is ok. i ask to have a coffee with (m), she is
> hesitant at first but I give her a serious look as if to say "it's what you
> want" to which she nods.
>
> We sit down and have coffee and I say to her
> "at the risk of exacerbating things even further" to which she shakes her
> head, but i think she is lying. I continue " I am not sure exactly what is
> going on but I have actually had a word to (ma) about whats going on here
> and he admitted the yuki told the staff and that the teachers were told
> about my old city....I can't help the fact that people know... i have a
> reputation to live down i have to accept that". She replies "...you have
> noooooo reputation like THAT, let me tell you".  I continue and say "I feel
> like people are reacting to everything i do, it's little things like asking
> the date..I know people here know". She lies to me and says "no, the
> teachers finding out would be unprofessional of me". She continues " i don't
> talk to Na about it" i know this is a lie from the whole "crazy" and "stop
> it Na" incident and the dinner with (Yr) that she does and i haven't been
> theone who did it.
> We talk about who knows an she says " I know, management knows, and the
> people in the meeting at (.....) know, (jo) knows because you told us
> that night remember?" I say "yes". I say I don't want everybody knowing and
> I don't want to talk about what happened anymore" and she says "tell me the
> whole story..i only now some...it was totally like harrassment right". I say
> "it's a separate issue and i want it dead as much as you do. I am not
> running around trying to get everyone to quit ot turn the whole world
> against (j)". "i know" she says and smiles.
> I also add "I'm not an evil person...you have been panicking around me since
> (ne) observed me" she denies this, but i can tell i am right. She couldn't
> make eye contact with me that day. I say the other teachers seem worried"and
> she says "that you might use things against them". and i also add "I am
> sorry if I have upset you somehow, its not been intentional, but some of it
> has been to bait or test to see if you are actually worried about the email,
> I have no intention of suing or anything of the sort...". she says "i know"
> and smiles. Her mother had been worried about this
> when i was in sendai for the kids training so i knew it was partly true,
> they were trying to keep me happy, but i probably wasn't getting renewed.
> But i still wanted to know what was going on.
> She cuts me off and changes the topic.
>
> Instinct tells me that from what happened to (Br) that my birthday party no
> show by the teachers wasn't a coincidence.  I say to her "not everything i
> am doing is deliberate...but i think too many people know and the gossip is
> going around in circles". She tells me to relax and the conversation changes
> to more menial things. She tries to reassure me that nobody knows, which i
> know is a lie by the way they react simply to words like christmas or movie.
> I head back for class. (Ia) looks at me and gives me a disappointed 'hi'. I
> say nothing.
>
> The next day I call headquarters because i know (m) is lying to me, but i cant call her mother because its the bosses daughter i am having a problem with
> and i am tired of trying to get a straight answer out of her when i do ask
> her. I speak to (Ne - who's name is on the email) and tell him "look i don't
> know what you are hearing, but if you think i am running around threatening
> to quit again, it's not actually true I have never said anything of the
> sort. I feel like everything I am doing is being construed against me" to
> which he says there's no problem in the classroom"  He also adds "perhaps
> the other teachers are set in there ways" I simply go "sure", and he adds
> "you're happy right?" I reply with a terse "yes".
>
> I get back that evening and things have changed. The atmosphere is a bit
> better the staff seem pleased for me. The teachers seem ok, but things are a
> little awkward.
>
> We have a teachers meeting the following day and the tension between (m) and
> myself is quite obvious and its is obvious people in the room know about our
> discussions. Especially when the words pro development day and the name (ne)
> comes up as he is moving back home in August. I had lost a student (Iz)
> which i contribute to the fact that i was privvy to the knowledge she was
> sleeping with (Ia) - this is because (Br) told me while we were at the
> restaurant.
> Later they are joking "when is "Br" going to leave the office" - perhaps
> hinting at the fact that because i knew the same information i was disliked
> just as much.
> I leave for my culture centre shortly afterwards.
>
> That weekend I have a new lesson to teach I arrive for the first time in a
> while at 10.20 am
> and (Ia) arrives after me. He seems surprised to see me there and i notice
> him look at my keys strangely.
> Later that day I have a lesson to teach which the student is supposed to
> pick me up for. (Ia) had said he would walk me down. I ask (mh) where to go
> to meet the car and she tells me she doesn't know. this to me now seems a
> lie - she works there every saturday, she must know. I ask (Ia) as he walks
> out of a classroom and he gives me a long speel  mentioning an alley way he
> says it could be a mazda or it could be a station wagon. I go outside
> looking for the car and can't find it. I go back up twice and tell (Mh) that
> i can't find the car. (Ia) points his head out and says "he's right there
> and shows me the mazda" I apologise a few times feeling very frustrated at
> the tension that has been going on with all the teachers and he says "it's
> your problem with (mh), take it up with her.
> (mh) is on the phone to (st and management) I go back down the car has gone,
> so i come back up and (Ia) says "right in front of your face and you
> couldn't even see it, he's driven off". I am getting extremely upset by this
> I apologise and he says "don't get me involved in whats going on".
> I go downstairs looking again. I see the car driving off again and run after
> it and finally catch up to the car. My student from my last class had been
> there watching all of this commotion.
> Neither (Ia or Mh) actually told me to simply wait downstairs which is where
> the car always waits. They were being deliberately unhelpful. "i don't know"
> and "oh its.............".
>
> I come back from the lesson and (O - the manager of my culture centre) is
> there. I burst into tears and he and (mh) take me into another room. I have
> a lesson starting at 3. The student and her mother saw me crying just before
> i went to a separate room. I am crying a lot and (Ia) comes and talks to me.
> I have a go at him and say " i can't win, damned if i do and damned if i
> don't ", he says "can you teach a lesson? that's all that matters". and I
> say "the only way for you to prove I am not mouthing off would be to ask the
> students and people themselves...I'm sorry i went out with Br (because to me
> that seemed to be what this was about, i was getting the same treatment and
> isolation as him)".  In response (Ia) replies "i don't know what you are
> talking about".  I knew he was lying here because he had admitted it to me
> the saturday after the hanami party as i have noted.
> I continue that "if this is about (kr) she rang me, not the other way
> around". I had kind of twigged something was up here because the office
> manager gave me a funny look when i walked home alone with the new chick but
> again he denied knowledge. He went to teach his class I cried for a few more
> minutes went to teach and still burst into tears in front of the student but
> progressed through the lesson.
>
> That weekend (e) came down and I told her about the fight I had with (Ia)
> and crying in front of the students and she basically told me "you're
> leaving - write out the resignation tomorrow". I agreed. There was no point
> if i was crying in front of students. So i did this the following day.
>
> That Tuesday i went to work and asked the staff for a fax number to the head
> office. I had printed out two originals. I kept one and left the
> faxed copy on (Ms) desk. (Mh) came running in minutes later with my health
> insurance note saying it would take about two weeks. I gave the staff a look
> as if to say - don't tell me you weren't prepared for this already" and the
> staff manager nodded".
>
> Things basically got worse after that. I got no response or acknowledgement
> about the resignation whatsoever but i could tell they were pissed about it.
> They didn't like being made to look like fools and basically told me so.
> However i did not understand the problem when everyone had already been told
> i was leaving by (M). I was angry however because the words "I quit" had
> never actually come out of my mouth and they had nothing in writing until
> this day.
>  Sortly after this i was accused of throwing out a teachers gas bill, which if i did do i have no recollection of - the mail box had no lock it could have been anybody.

> It was unfortunate that the new teachers welcome party was coming up as
> well. The teachers managed to get there own back orchestrated a little by
> (S) in order to cover up for the new teacher who had twigged something
> pretty awful was going on from the minute she arrived.
> I arrive back from my day at the culture centre and (Ia) and (By) and (M)
> walk in angry at me. I am unsure why as i have not been in the office all
> day. (Ia) says hello to (Ba) but not to me. I am reading a book
> (Ia) almost drops his books and i ask if he is ok to which he gives me an
> angry (you bitch) look.
>
> The next day i have a sneaking suspicion crosses my mind that they have made
> 2nd harrassment claim to cover things up. (By) walks in and aks me about his
> tatoo "was he gentle" to which i smile and make a connection
> to what happened in my old city, i had complained "it's in the office as well".
> (Ia) arrives and is angry at me (By) looks at us both and gives me an angry
> look and I look at him 'whats going on?'.
> They start talking and i think well if i have done nothing wrong at i catch
> (Ia) out when i talk to him about australia and give him a questioning look.
> He isn't angry at me because he responds and then gets look of being found
> out and then he and (By) look at each other. I turn away later that night i
> get back in the office and they are talking to me normally but oviously
> feeling guilty about something and (By) even gives me an (I'm sorry) look.
> I can also tell by the fact the new chick seems angry at me and they will
> not talk to me in front of her or if (M) is around.  You would have to be in
> the office to understand how i mean this.
>
> By is going to the city where headqurters is the night of the farewell party which i also connect
> to reversing the gossip chain of who i told in headquarters branch about what happened -
> (By) is friends with (mr) so it is likely he has told him.
> I walk into the office that evening and (Ia) is gloating when he looks at me
> and so is (M). (By) gives me an (I'm sorry) look.
> Again I am only suspicious because of indirect comments and peoples
> reactions and knowing the politics i know i have stirred up trouble by not
> dealing with (m) directly anymore.
> But (P) in my apartment building tells me i am right.
>
> At the welcome party i am sat next to three students who are supposed to
> have complained - yet they bought me birthday presents and signed up again
> and hug me at the end of the night. One of them is sleeping with (Ia). I am
> also sitting next to (Ia) and he and (Na) wink at each other as they sit
> down and then look at me. So i know something is going on. (Ia) moves seats
> just before the end of the night.
>
> We leave and go to (p's) birthday party afterwards. I leave the party about
> 1 i think. I hear the next morning (By) showed up shortly after i left.
> I ring the boss after the morning after the welcome party and she will not
> let me come to headquarters to meet her face to face.
> Things have simply gotten very nasty since the resignation and my instincts
> tell me they are making up a 2nd claim.
> (m) starts joking in front of the new chick about how (By) is funny when he
> drinks - he does "hey baby" to everyone. I mention "i have never seen him
> drunk, he's never done that to me" she gives me a smirk and the new chick
> looks at me strangely. Later at lunch (m) says i am the running joke, so i am pretty sure it is what they have done and by now feeling pretty disgusted that they would make a joke of the first office.
>
> Teachers find out i am seeing a counsellor which creates more panick - my
> medical certificate says the words emotionally overwraught. From here things
> get worse.
> They definitely think i am up to something and from the way they are taking
> copies of everything and the incidences with the health insurance i now
> think something strange has happened. They are defintley worried
>
> I go to my old city  and tell them i think something is up. It has obviously
> reached back to my old city
> because (kr) my replacement has heard. She is friends with the boss (Ss) son
> and in contact with (m).
>
> Who is checking up on me to see if i am in my new city or not quite regularly.
> Even my old boss sounds relieved when i tell him i am in mynew city.
> Well if going to myold city was a problem then why did no one say anything.
> Hoever it is the implication i am receiving.
>
> My boss is down and seems to be hesitant to want to talk with me. But she
> sits down gives me a gloating look and says teasingly and i MEAN this "it's
> a completely different staff....". So i know the rehash/ running joke is
> true.
> I say the wrong thing about laying all the cards on the table - my intention
> was to get her to be honest because i know people havent been and i dont
> really understand what happened. She sees my anti depresents on the table
> and leaves after we exchange some harsh words. She tell me she moved me to
> give me a chance, which i dont believe and aks why i talked about it in my new office -
> i didn't and the only person who knows this for sure is me, the students and
> the other teachers themselves but they havent directly admitted it, but
> since my old boss has already told me, I am reminded of his words "you've
> walked into two unfortunate situations....." . I tell the boss that i think
> it is sick if she is making what happened in the first office a joke. "i
> tell her, if you honestly think being given a choice between punching and
> having your crutch grabbed is funny..." and she goes yeah it's hysterical.
> Shortly after this she leaves.
> At the very least it is bullying because i am being told by (M) to use
> different stairwells to avoid running into the new chick.
> (S) rings me while i am having breakfast about the new tenant. The landlords
> name comes up and as i mentioned before, she comes in speaking only japanese
> until the next day when she speaks english well enough to handle the water
> bill payment and wish me a nice flight at the least. (C) from shirakawa also
> comes up to check on things while the tenant is there, she was supposed to
> pick me up the day i arrived and didn't.
> Something doesnt add up - the wild goose chase for the car 'but it was right
> in front of you' - neither of them were going to help me, (Ia) not coming to
> my birthday party and the fact he was laughing at me when i started arriving
> at 10.30 again. I honestly feel like they are finding excuses to get me into
> trouble and since they have influence with the boss, they can say whatever
> they want. No one ever sat down and to tell me. If i was being fired for bad
> teaching they never sat down and told me this. Things were just nasty.
> The day I resigned (M) and (Na) took the new chick downstairs and told her
> everything about me and what happened in  my old city. I can only tell this from
> the fact that when the topic of movies (something happened with the boys at
> the movies remember) came up later that day in the office she gave me a
> sympathetic look and she actually texted (P) to check up on me.
> It's like the management is simply panicked about what i could say and
> trying to beat me to it instead of leaving it around. Little things like
> saying 'i forget' seemed to make people react with a gulity conscience.
>
> I have finally collected my last pay and am away from it, but it has been a
> difficult seven months.  But I am suspicious about a lot of things. I am
> also angry that i wasnt at least given a chance to be moved away from the
> fact everyone knew about the harrassment at the very least. Every time i
> tried dealing with the bosses daughter she wasnt honest with me - i put this
> down to her name being on the email.
>
> I am sorry it is such a long account, but to me little things dont add up -
> being told i could only apply for  3 months of guitar lessons, not putting
> the water bill in my name. The fact the staff were busy doing something
> dodgy with the health insurance while i was off for being emotionally
> overwraught. It at the very least was simply a situation where i would not
> have been able to do anything right. My conversations with my old boss who
> even acknowledged when i rang to say goodbye "it would have been simpler if
> you'd gone back to australia......i gave you some bad advice last time you
> were down (which was golden week)".
>
> To me it feels a little planned - she wasn't harrassed, she was moved to two
> offices and she still didnt work out. Well its a little difficult when the
> other teachers have barely had a conversation with me and things have been
> this hostile. Not all of this seems a coincidence - getting in trouble for
> arriving 'late' when it is the same thing that happened to the office staff. I was told it was ok.

Jun 4, 2005 at 11:18 o\clock

teaching experience part 4.

the office manager was scared she'd get the blame if
> you fucked up", I ask him "why" and he says "because the staff and teachers
> were told". he later adds....."I'm sorry i really let you down.... I in turn
> ask  "why did he (j) get renewed, so many women have complained about them
> its not funny, someone is going to have to listen eventually".
> and he said "S likes J, she wanted to keep him, they (t and j) aren't here
> tonight, that says something....they're not nice people.....you can come
> here and no one would have a problem, you scared us sometimes, but
> anytime...there's no problem". He gives me a hug.
>
> Back in my new office
> No one really talks to me about the observation - Br tells me they were
> going through my files while i was gone though. I try asking (M) again a
> couple of times - once in the office and again when i visit her in her
> apartment.  I know something must be up because i have actually lost a
> wednesday night kids class, but at the same time i have signed up three new
> kids and an adult on saturdays. I seem to be making her angry simply by
> making eye contact and she doesnt want to give me much information. I get
> short answers when i ask her personal questions. and she never asks me any.
> I am not sure why she is distancing herself, but it is clear she doesn't
> want me around.
> She even seems to resent me making the effort to be friends with (Na) and
> perceives it as a political move to get a good word put in for me with (S)
> rather than sincere. They are quite good friends and I am not being accepted
> as a third basically. They take no interest in anything i say.
>
> Towards the end of april one of the teachers (Br) is leaving. He has invited
> all the teachers out to a students restaurant - mainly (Ba, By and Ia) for a
> boys night, but they decline and he asks me. I go.
> After the restaurant - singing karaoke and playing the flute we talk about
> why he is leaving - he had been interested in one of the teachers and told
> her he was attracted to her - she went to (Na) who in turn told (S) as they
> are good friends. Next, he meets a young japanese woman (who he is now going
> to marry). Her mother at the time complained to the school about the
> relationship and they weren't impressed. Her mother wrote a letter saying
> things were ok and the matter was resolved. (Ia - still boss at the time)
> told him to keep it as proof things were ok. (Br) missed a pro development
> day and afterwards (Ia) pulled him aside and told him (S) was pissed he
> didn't go and he was basically not getting renewed. Soon afterwards (S) was
> visiting (Na) for the weekend as she frequently does and (Na) called him to
> come and visit. He didnt go and he overheard (S) say "oh, i don't think Br
> is fitting in here...". After this the other teachers basically isolated him
> and stopped including him in things - this is according to him. I tell him
> about what happened to me and we have a bit of a whinge. Please note at this
> point this is a HIGHLY political company there is a foreign side and a
> japanese side shall we say and the two managers DO NOT get along.
>
> The next day at work i am given a gloating look by (M) as I am sitting at my
> desk, she is smiling or gloating looking down at me and i am not sure what
> is going on.
> I have a cigarette with (Na) on my way to work and offer to help set up for
> the hanami party.
> The next morning  (Na) and (M) hardly look at me and don't even acknowledge
> my help at the end of the day or during. Neither do the other teachers. They
> don't talk to me during the day and all back away when i try talking to
> them.  In fact i go and meet people at the bridge like a bit of a taxi
> service, i dont even get a thankyou for that.  One of the staff (Mk) had
> arrived early and the three of us were talking or at least i was talking to
> (Mk) and the other two weren't even acknowledging i was there, they simply
> talked to (Mk) or each other. I ask (Na) where they had their christmas
> party and she gets an angry look on her face but replies with a restaurants
> name.
>
> During the day i meet one of (Na's) students (Yr) she is a GP and has
> travelled quite a bit so we get talking. Na invites me out with the three of
> them. (M) glares at her.
> I overhear (M) telling the student and (By) that I am leaving. I assumed at
> the time that they meant me moving places to talk to other students.
>
> That night is (Je's) farewell party. (By) and (Ba) are there, but i dont
> talk to them much. My mum calls and i tell her i am feeling a little
> isolated and getting frustrated that (M) wont tell me what the problem is
> and that my efforts don't seem to be being acknowledged. I leave the party
> earlyish.
>
> I am intending to go to an onsen and text (Na) about where to go. I have
> also had a message from (Kr) my replacement asking me to call her to talk. I
> call her and she asks me about the situation with (t and j) I tell her a
> little bit of it hesitantly as she says that she understands where i am
> coming from the dynamic is a mess and she feels stuck in the middle and that
> she had a bad weekend.
> I end up going to visit (k) and (e) that night in my old city instead and see
> (Kr) there. We talk more during a walk to family mart. This seems to get me into to trouble as it obviously gets back.
>
> My new boss (M's) brother is coming to visit, he has been in Canada sorting out visa
> work. I know things arent ok at work because (Na) and (M) have stopped
> asking me to join them for cigarettes.
>
>
> That night i am having a cigarette as (na) and (ba) get out of a taxi and
> they laugh/look at each other knowingly and walk straight past me. Up in the
> office they ignore me and are talking about the dinner with (Na's) student
> and ignore me while i look at them as they are making plans about it.
>
> The tension is getting pretty obvious to co - workers especially (Br) and he
> advises me to try tallking with (M). I take his advice and go. This is a
> tense conversation. I ask her bluntly "I am detecting some tension with you
> me and Na", to which she lies and pretends nothing is wrong, I say - "is
> this about Br, because I have heard some gossip about why he is
> leaving". She says nothing. I ask her if people know what happened in
> (my old city) she says no, nobody knows, which i know is a lie - I can tell
> (Na) knows from her reaction to me saying the word christmas and dr. I
> say look, I appreciate the transfer i do, you know the history - which she
> did because i told her at the training and her mother had also filled her in. "
> she said i know bits and pieces of it. I say "look i want to be able to be
> open with you if there is a problem. I would like to keep my job" . She says
> things are fine i go out and meet her brother who seems angry at me also,
> but this passes.
> (Na) comes to visit as well and we make plans to meet for the student dinner
> that night. I can tell they don't want me to come.
> They also tell me they are planning on heading down to (my old city name) for a festival during golden week, which (D) had invited the whole company - all
> the branches too. The say yeah, we are meeting up in (city name), so lets go
> together. I say ok. They then start talking about (Ne) and say to me "you
> remember Ne right?" .  (his name was on the email) I simply say "yes". They
> then all start mucking around calling each other bitch.
>
> The next day at work  I am supposed to teach a class until 8.30 and we meet
> for the taxi at 8.40.
> I am sitting at the computer next to the staff. The students havent shown up
> and all of a sudden at about 8pm (St) the office manager asks me to stay
> back. I decline, saying i have a student dinner to go to with Na and M. She
> says nothing except that it is fine.
>
> I walk to the taxi with (M) and she asks me if i had a better day today. I
> say yes and again repeat that i appreciate the transfer. She says she is to
> observe me in may sometime. My old boss (Ma) and she says "yes he is a good
> AMC" (boss) and then says something which is verbatim from the email about
> him being open and direct.
> (M) asks me how work was today as we check the mail and I say (good) to
> which she gets annoyed at.
>
> (Na) seems surprised to see me at the dinner but i sit down next to (yr) the
> student. I am feeling alittle uncomfortable becuase i am detecting a lot of
> anger at me from them both, especially since they are ignoring me and only
> to talking to either (Yr) or each other. I mention that the students
> cancelled, a slight look of guilt passes over Na's face.
> I order a wine, while the others order beer. It is the first time i have
> drunk since the transfer having given up for lent and also simply because i
> just didn't feel like drinking. I had met (Yr) at the hanami party where i
> was drinking coke and she says "you haven't drunk in a while". Na says
> angrily "for lent right" and I say "yes" and give her a look to mean no i
> haven't said anything. So it is obvious she knows about the Yonezawa story
> and I have not at this stage ever said anything to her myself.
> The night continues and i do a personality test where you need to draw a
> picture. Certain things represent your family and partner and choices in
> life. (Na) and the student enjoy it (m) seems to get upset by it. I give her
> a look to say- i dont mean it like that.
>
> Note : I use this test in a couple of classes and the students seem to enjoy
> it. One of the students is sleeping with (Ia) and she cancels two weeks
> later. I use the test with one of (M's) students as well and (Na's) they
> enjoy it. I haven't twigged this is a problem yet. The students walk out
> happy, one gave me her email address. I et birthday presents from a couple
> of them and also presents from my culture centre students after golden week.
>
> The day after the dinner we help move things from (Br's) apartment into the
> new arrivals place. There is also a truck coming later to move the fridge. I
> help with the move. That afternoon she has some friends coming down to
> visit. One of the is (Jo) the young woman i spoke to first about things up
> at the business training where i had the meeting with the head boss (s). (Na and M) dont seem to want me to meet her again.

> We have coffee in (m's) apartment and they seem a little angry at me. (Na)
> tells me she is going to be away for golden week, I had previously offered
> to look after her cat for her, but she says nothing about it, so i dont
> bother to offer again. I tell them my birthday is coming up - may 7 i say,
> to which they say nothing.
> I also know that (Ia) has a friend coming down who is a psychologist.
> (By) is away in Thailand and no one can tell me when he gets back.
>
> We finish moving and shifting a few things in the apartment. The girls seem
> to want to be alone all of a sudden (Na) starts singing the words "crazy,
> crazy......"  to which (M) replies "(Na) stop it" they laugh a little. I get
> upset and go to my apartment. I tell them i have futons if the new girl
> needs them and to call me if they want them. They say nothing. As i head up
> to my apartment (m) looks at me and mimicks "cos i dont wanna be alone". I
> glare at her and get upset but head back to my apartment.
> I stay in my apartment the rest of the night. I know they don't want me
> around. Call it a hunch if you might but i think it was to stop me meeting
> (Jo) again, as she was the one who encouraged me to speak up about what was
> happening.

> (Br) has been giving me advice as well and we both decide that they are
> probably angry about going to the students restaurant - the politics - that
> student is sleeping with (Ia) and i know too much gossip that i could use.
> Considering what happened to him, it makes sense. He also says that "it's
> written all over your face that the politics are getting to you".
>
> Anyway, the next day is Saturday. I bring (Ia) his mail and tell him i
> helped move. The tension has been obvious and he says "thankyou", gives me a
> look and says "(Br) is the issue". I nod and say " I know". Later that night
> as i am leaving i wish him a good golden week and he tells me to take care.
> He can't tell me when (By) gets back from Thailand either.
>
> I go to (my old city) and my old boss is a little quiet towards me at first but
> detects there is a problem. We go for coffee and i tell him about what has
> happened - bring up the being ignored decorating and the fact that every
> thing i do seems to upset (M) and its not all intentional, I simply want to
> get on with things, but they are reacting to things i say. I tell him how
> frustrated i am. I say, I am not mouthing off, but people seem to know. I
> feel like every conversation i have is being used against me. I say i'm not
> drinking for lent". The other teachers seem be baiting me into it looking
> like I am its little things - if i forget something, then it means i am
> referring to one of the complaints here. If i cant find something in the
> bookshelf, then i am mouthing off about the fact it is right in front of my
> face and i could see it, no i never opened my mouth. I havent said anything
> to Na or Ba or By. I say  By knows because he and Mr are friends. Ia and Na
> know because (S) told them and I know the staff were told because you told
> me. But i said, "I am on the wrong side of her and I am not sure why and she
> wont tell me when i try asking her which only makes her more annoyed".
> I also happen to add here that Kr rang me and told me she had been hearing
> things about me and wanted to hear my side of things. He says "thats my
> fault she'd had a bad weekend"
>
> I said, it's like i can't win. "you guys wanted me here on Tuesdays for
> classes in March".
> He said "you will need to make your own life and friends outside of work,
> you don't need the other teachers, your personal life shouldn't be an issue,
> who cares what S thinks"
> I said "it's a no win situation, I am not a ...city teacher anymore, but
> ....city doesn't want to know me".
> I also told him about (Br) and that perhaps the teachers were upset i knew
> some gossip - it wasn't anything they didn't know. I also added "people are
> reacting to everything i say, i don't know if it is guilty consciences". to
> which he nods and i continue "I'm not actually angry but if people think i
> am then perhaps they think i have good reason to be". I also add that "if i
> haven't been motivated thats because i haven't really felt like I have been
> given much reason to be. I visit the teachers and they ignore me, if i don't
> visit then I am not making the effort..i feel like i am being forced into
> this".
> to which he agrees and says "it's politics".
>
> We go for coffee again later and i say "it feels like i am not allowed to
> establish myself or make friends with anyone connected to (M) or the company
> ". He nods and  again tells me not to worry, "you've walked into two
> unfortunate office situations". I give him a disbelieveing look. I say "I
> can't help the fact so many people know, but that also means there is a damn
> lot of evidence i was getting upset" he nods looking slightly guilty "i let
> you down, (j) was almost not renewed and if he thinks he is on an easy
> ticket he's wrong. He blew up at (Mh - japanese staff member) the other day
> for giving him another kids class and she wouldn't speak to him the whole
> day". To which i reply "then why doesn't he get introuble for this shit".  I
> also add, " i didn't feel like i was wanted around during golden week, tell
> him i helped move and didnt get a thankyou...they don't even acknowledge my
> efforts". I add " I can't help the fact people know, I am not deliberately
> mouthing off".  I continue to add " i feel like people are trying to bait me
> into it".  he acknoledges it is simply me being present that is bad publicity.

> I also say,  "if there was such a problem in the classroom down here, why
> didnt (S) or (Sc - the area manager) come and observe me?" At this stage it
> had only been (Y - the office manager and she is not a teacher and (ma)
> twice himself)." I add "no one high up busted a gut to get down here and
> watch me or tell me, I was the one asking for help with the toeic and
> business classes".
>
> I watch the festival and invite the teachers up for my birthday. I get back
> on the Wednesday and Spend the day in my apartment. I can hear the others
> meeting the new chick, who i haven't met yet. This is going to look like i
> can't be bothered making the effort I am thinking. The next day i introduce
> myself and she comes to visit that evening. We have dinner with (P) and (M)
> the boss comes looking for us.
>
> Afterwards I am having a cigarette on the balcony and (M) sees me we have a
> quick conversation and i say "I'm not smoking in my apartment as much
> anymore, it's starting to smell" she comes over and asks me how my holiday
> was and I say "good " I also add exasperatedly (d) invited everyone. She
> asls me what i did yesterday. I lie and say i went to Nikko, i don't feel
> like telling her anything.
> She points at the balcony and says. We talk about obon being the next
> holiday and she heads back to her apartment "we should get some chairs,
> we'll work something out" I simply glare at her. I have invited her, the new
> chick and (P) to my birthday party. She lies and tells me she didnt realise
> it was my birthday. I had told her twice before golden week and (Na) twice
> as well. I leave a note for (P) to visit me as i am upset.
>
> That Tuesday at work it is obvious they are trying to avoid me having alone
> time with the new teacher and none of the other teachers are spending long
> in the teachers desk area while I am alone. (Ia) takes the new girl to lunch
> that day which i notice is when we would have been alone in the staff room
> together when looking at the schedule.
>
> I invite the other teachers to my birthday and there seems to be an
> uncomfortable atmosphere in the air (By) says he is busy with (L). (Ia) says
> he will come, I also invite the staff (St and Mi and Mk). Two of them say
> they will come.
>
> It is during this week that i receieve the health insurance letter, but i
> did not open it at this stage.
> The night of my birthday I meet (e) at the train station and tell her how
> isolated I am feeling.
> She tells me  - "make friends outside, but you don't seem to be able to do
> that".
> We head to the bar (Mk) arrives and we meet another group of people one of
> whom is also having a birthday party.  I go and meet (k) and (kr) who are
> now an item. I take them to the bar. Everybody i invited from my old city is
> there and (M) the new girl and (P) are there, he has also invited some of
> his friends one or two (Ni and Jy) who i have met one night in april when he
> invited EVERYBODY including the other teachers of my company although noone
> came. (M) had a friend (Lu) coming to visit and i ran into her as i was
> going to get something to drink for (P's) waiting for him to arrive. All the
> teachers of my company call him to say they arent coming.
>
> Anyway I detect (m) is slightly angry at me she says "how is work?" I say
> "fine", she gives me a strange look and goes "yeah?".  I have a conversation
> with (Ni) he is going back to America and I say I am enjoying myself and
> tell him my family are planning to visit in August. (M) gives an annoyed
> sigh at this. I go to have a friendly chat with (Kr) and she asks me if the
> other teachers are coming. I tell her that (Ia) said he would come, and that
> reminds me so I call him but get no answer.
>
> We sing Karaoke most of the night after some dart playing. I am sitting next
> to (M) most of the night and singing away and then move seats and I am
> sitting next to (d) who is busy making out with someone. I ask (Kr) to
> choose a song for me. Some of the others join in. We head off soon after.
> (M) glares at me as she walks out.
> (P) and his friends stay at the bar. We go to a third bar which (e) meets us
> at later after not being able to find my apartment.
> I am detecting that (m) is angry at me when i am around (k) - note he is one
> person who was a witness to most of the harrassment and could back up a fair
> bit of the situation. She pulls me up to dance and throws/pushes me at one
> of the bar men, he starts trying to dance quite closely at which she gives
> me a strange look to imply "what are you doing". I back away and go and sit
> down with (k) again.
>
> She also seems annoyed when i talk to (Kr) she asks them both to stay in her
> apartment that night and glares at me. We have left (e) behind as she wants
> to stay and talk to the bar owners. I feel terrible and we stop on the way
> back to call her. (M) keeps walking but seems angry. We get back to the
> apartment eventually and (m) is still up we also see (p) and a friend of
> his. (Kr) needs to go to the toilet so we walk past and head to my apartment
> and i catch another evil look from (m) as they head into my place. I say
> something quietly to (k) while (kr) is in the toilet because i feel like
> something is up "I feel like a scapegoat" I say, but you were there "you saw
> most of it" to which he goes "i know....dont worry everything is
> fine....there's no problem, you're birthday was a good night".
> We go for breakfast after getting dressed. (d) has met us by then and we are
> to bring (m) back some McDonalds i kind of laugh at her and giver her a look
> meaning "you're going to have to open the door". I see (d) off at the train
> station after telling her about things. I bring up the feelings of isolation
> (j) is allowed to get on with things why can't i....it's too hard to get
> away from when the whole bloody new office knows about it and it just
> seems to keep being brought up". She encourages me to quit - give two weeks
> notice and see how you feel".
>
> The environment at work is hostile, at least i feel like it is. I arrive and
> (Ia) doesn't even apologise for not coming to the birthday party.  This is a
> tuesday and the area management is also down. I know something is up as
> none of the teachers are talking to me and the boss of my culture centre
> comes and asks if everything is ok. i ask to have a coffee with (m), she is
> hesitant at first but I give her a serious look as if to say "it's what you
> want" to which she nods.
>
> We sit down and have coffee and I say to her
> "at the risk of exacerbating things even further" to which she shakes her
> head, but i think she is lying. I continue " I am not sure exactly what is
> going on but I have actually had a word to (ma) about whats going on here
> and he admitted the yuki told the staff and that the teachers were told
> about my old city....I can't help the fact that people know... i have a
> reputation to live down i have to accept that". She replies "...you have
> noooooo reputation like THAT, let me tell you".  I continue and say "I feel
> like people are reacting to everything i do, it's little things like asking
> the date..I know people here know". She lies to me and says "no, the
> teachers finding out would be unprofessional of me". She continues " i don't
> talk to Na about it" i know this is a lie from the whole "crazy" and "stop
> it Na" incident and the dinner with (Yr) that she does and i haven't been
> theone who did it.
> We talk about who knows an she says " I know, management knows, and the
> people in the meeting at (.....) know, (jo) knows because you told us
> that night remember?" I say "yes". I say I don't want everybody knowing and
> I don't want to talk about what happened anymore" and she says "tell me the
> whole story..i only now some...it was totally like harrassment right". I say
> "it's a separate issue and i want it dead as much as you do. I am not
> running around trying to get everyone to quit ot turn the whole world
> against (j)". "i know" she says and smiles.
> I also add "I'm not an evil person...you have been panicking around me since
> (ne) observed me" she denies this, but i can tell i am right. She couldn't
> make eye contact with me that day. I say the other teachers seem worried"and
> she says "that you might use things against them". and i also add "I am
> sorry if I have upset you somehow, its not been intentional, but some of it
> has been to bait or test to see if you are actually worried about the email,
> I have no intention of suing or anything of the sort...". she says "i know"
> and smiles. Her mother had been worried about this
> when i was in sendai for the kids training so i knew it was partly true,
> they were trying to keep me happy, but i probably wasn't getting renewed.
> But i still wanted to know what was going on.
> She cuts me off and changes the topic.
>
> Instinct tells me that from what happened to (Br) that my birthday party no
> show by the teachers wasn't a coincidence.  I say to her "not everything i
> am doing is deliberate...but i think too many people know and the gossip is
> going around in circles". She tells me to relax and the conversation changes
> to more menial things. She tries to reassure me that nobody knows, which i
> know is a lie by the way they react simply to words like christmas or movie.
> I head back for class. (Ia) looks at me and gives me a disappointed 'hi'. I
> say nothing.
>
> The next day I call headquarters because i know (m) is lying to me, but i cant call her mother because its the bosses daughter i am having a problem with
> and i am tired of trying to get a straight answer out of her when i do ask
> her. I speak to (Ne - who's name is on the email) and tell him "look i don't
> know what you are hearing, but if you think i am running around threatening
> to quit again, it's not actually true I have never said anything of the
> sort. I feel like everything I am doing is being construed against me" to
> which he says there's no problem in the classroom"  He also adds "perhaps
> the other teachers are set in there ways" I simply go "sure", and he adds
> "you're happy right?" I reply with a terse "yes".
>
> I get back that evening and things have changed. The atmosphere is a bit
> better the staff seem pleased for me. The teachers seem ok, but things are a
> little awkward.
>
> We have a teachers meeting the following day and the tension between (m) and
> myself is quite obvious and its is obvious people in the room know about our
> discussions. Especially when the words pro development day and the name (ne)
> comes up as he is moving back home in August. I had lost a student (Iz)
> which i contribute to the fact that i was privvy to the knowledge she was
> sleeping with (Ia) - this is because (Br) told me while we were at the
> restaurant.
> Later they are joking "when is "Br" going to leave the office" - perhaps
> hinting at the fact that because i knew the same information i was disliked
> just as much.
> I leave for my culture centre shortly afterwards.
>
> That weekend I have a new lesson to teach I arrive for the first time in a
> while at 10.20 am
> and (Ia) arrives after me. He seems surprised to see me there and i notice
> him look at my keys strangely.
> Later that day I have a lesson to teach which the student is supposed to
> pick me up for. (Ia) had said he would walk me down. I ask (mh) where to go
> to meet the car and she tells me she doesn't know. this to me now seems a
> lie - she works there every saturday, she must know. I ask (Ia) as he walks
> out of a classroom and he gives me a long speel  mentioning an alley way he
> says it could be a mazda or it could be a station wagon. I go outside
> looking for the car and can't find it. I go back up twice and tell (Mh) that
> i can't find the car. (Ia) points his head out and says "he's right there
> and shows me the mazda" I apologise a few times feeling very frustrated at
> the tension that has been going on with all the teachers and he says "it's
> your problem with (mh), take it up with her.
> (mh) is on the phone to (st and management) I go back down the car has gone,
> so i come back up and (Ia) says "right in front of your face and you
> couldn't even see it, he's driven off". I am getting extremely upset by this
> I apologise and he says "don't get me involved in whats going on".
> I go downstairs looking again. I see the car driving off again and run after
> it and finally catch up to the car. My student from my last class had been
> there watching all of this commotion.
> Neither (Ia or Mh) actually told me to simply wait downstairs which is where
> the car always waits. They were being deliberately unhelpful. "i don't know"
> and "oh its.............".
>
> I come back from the lesson and (O - the manager of my culture centre) is
> there. I burst into tears and he and (mh) take me into another room. I have
> a lesson starting at 3. The student and her mother saw me crying just before
> i went to a separate room. I am crying a lot and (Ia) comes and talks to me.
> I have a go at him and say " i can't win, damned if i do and damned if i
> don't ", he says "can you teach a lesson? that's all that matters". and I
> say "the only way for you to prove I am not mouthing off would be to ask the
> students and people themselves...I'm sorry i went out with Br (because to me
> that seemed to be what this was about, i was getting the same treatment and
> isolation as him)".  In response (Ia) replies "i don't know what you are
> talking about".  I knew he was lying here because he had admitted it to me
> the saturday after the hanami party as i have noted.
> I continue that "if this is about (kr) she rang me, not the other way
> around". I had kind of twigged something was up here because the office
> manager gave me a funny look when i walked home alone with the new chick but
> again he denied knowledge. He went to teach his class I cried for a few more
> minutes went to teach and still burst into tears in front of the student but
> progressed through the lesson.
>
> That weekend (e) came down and I told her about the fight I had with (Ia)
> and crying in front of the students and she basically told me "you're
> leaving - write out the resignation tomorrow". I agreed. There was no point
> if i was crying in front of students. So i did this the following day.
>
> That Tuesday i went to work and asked the staff for a fax number to the head
> office. I had printed out two originals. I kept one and left the
> faxed copy on (Ms) desk. (Mh) came running in minutes later with my health
> insurance note saying it would take about two weeks. I gave the staff a look
> as if to say - don't tell me you weren't prepared for this already" and the
> staff manager nodded".
>
> Things basically got worse after that. I got no response or acknowledgement
> about the resignation whatsoever but i could tell they were pissed about it.
> They didn't like being made to look like fools and basically told me so.
> However i did not understand the problem when everyone had already been told
> i was leaving by (M). I was angry however because the words "I quit" had
> never actually come out of my mouth and they had nothing in writing until
> this day.
>  Sortly after this i was accused of throwing out a teachers gas bill, which if i did do i have no recollection of - the mail box had no lock it could have been anybody.

> It was unfortunate that the new teachers welcome party was coming up as
> well. The teachers managed to get there own back orchestrated a little by
> (S) in order to cover up for the new teacher who had twigged something
> pretty awful was going on from the minute she arrived.
> I arrive back from my day at the culture centre and (Ia) and (By) and (M)
> walk in angry at me. I am unsure why as i have not been in the office all
> day. (Ia) says hello to (Ba) but not to me. I am reading a book
> (Ia) almost drops his books and i ask if he is ok to which he gives me an
> angry (you bitch) look.
>
> The next day i have a sneaking suspicion crosses my mind that they have made
> 2nd harrassment claim to cover things up. (By) walks in and aks me about his
> tatoo "was he gentle" to which i smile and make a connection
> to what happened in Yonezawa, i had complained "it's in the office as well".
> (Ia) arrives and is angry at me (By) looks at us both and gives me an angry
> look and I look at him 'whats going on?'.
> They start talking and i think well if i have done nothing wrong at i catch
> (Ia) out when i talk to him about australia and give him a questioning look.
> He isn't angry at me because he responds and then gets look of being found
> out and then he and (By) look at each other. I turn away later that night i
> get back in the office and they are talking to me normally but oviously
> feeling guilty about something and (By) even gives me an (I'm sorry) look.
> I can also tell by the fact the new chick seems angry at me and they will
> not talk to me in front of her or if (M) is around.  You would have to be in
> the office to understand how i mean this.
>
> By is going to the city where headqurters is the night of the farewell party which i also connect
> to reversing the gossip chain of who i told in headquarters branch about what happened -
> (By) is friends with (mr) so it is likely he has told him.
> I walk into the office that evening and (Ia) is gloating when he looks at me
> and so is (M). (By) gives me an (I'm sorry) look.
> Again I am only suspicious because of indirect comments and peoples
> reactions and knowing the politics i know i have stirred up trouble by not
> dealing with (m) directly anymore.
> But (P) in my apartment building tells me i am right.
>
> At the welcome party i am sat next to three students who are supposed to
> have complained - yet they bought me birthday presents and signed up again
> and hug me at the end of the night. One of them is sleeping with (Ia). I am
> also sitting next to (Ia) and he and (Na) wink at each other as they sit
> down and then look at me. So i know something is going on. (Ia) moves seats
> just before the end of the night.
>
> We leave and go to (p's) birthday party afterwards. I leave the party about
> 1 i think. I hear the next morning (By) showed up shortly after i left.
> I ring the boss after the morning after the welcome party and she will not
> let me come to headquarters to meet her face to face.
> Things have simply gotten very nasty since the resignation and my instincts
> tell me they are making up a 2nd claim.
> (m) starts joking in front of the new chick about how (By) is funny when he
> drinks - he does "hey baby" to everyone. I mention "i have never seen him
> drunk, he's never done that to me" she gives me a smirk and the new chick
> looks at me strangely. Later at lunch (m) says i am the running joke, so i am pretty sure it is what they have done and by now feeling pretty disgusted that they would make a joke of the first office.
>
> Teachers find out i am seeing a counsellor which creates more panick - my
> medical certificate says the words emotionally overwraught. From here things
> get worse.
> They definitely think i am up to something and from the way they are taking
> copies of everything and the incidences with the health insurance i now
> think something strange has happened. They are defintley worried
>
> I go to my old city  and tell them i think something is up. It has obviously
> reached back to my old city
> because (kr) my replacement has heard. She is friends with the boss (Ss) son
> and in contact with (m).
>
> Who is checking up on me to see if i am in my new city or not quite regularly.
> Even my old boss sounds relieved when i tell him i am in mynew city.
> Well if going to myold city was a problem then why did no one say anything.
> Hoever it is the implication i am receiving.
>
> My boss is down and seems to be hesitant to want to talk with me. But she
> sits down gives me a gloating look and says teasingly and i MEAN this "it's
> a completely different staff....". So i know the rehash/ running joke is
> true.
> I say the wrong thing about laying all the cards on the table - my intention
> was to get her to be honest because i know people havent been and i dont
> really understand what happened. She sees my anti depresents on the table
> and leaves after we exchange some harsh words. She tell me she moved me to
> give me a chance, which i dont believe and aks why i talked about it in my new office -
> i didn't and the only person who knows this for sure is me, the students and
> the other teachers themselves but they havent directly admitted it, but
> since my old boss has already told me, I am reminded of his words "you've
> walked into two unfortunate situations....." . I tell the boss that i think
> it is sick if she is making what happened in the first office a joke. "i
> tell her, if you honestly think being given a choice between punching and
> having your crutch grabbed is funny..." and she goes yeah it's hysterical.
> Shortly after this she leaves.
> At the very least it is bullying because i am being told by (M) to use
> different stairwells to avoid running into the new chick.
> (S) rings me while i am having breakfast about the new tenant. The landlords
> name comes up and as i mentioned before, she comes in speaking only japanese
> until the next day when she speaks english well enough to handle the water
> bill payment and wish me a nice flight at the least. (C) from shirakawa also
> comes up to check on things while the tenant is there, she was supposed to
> pick me up the day i arrived and didn't.
> Something doesnt add up - the wild goose chase for the car 'but it was right
> in front of you' - neither of them were going to help me, (Ia) not coming to
> my birthday party and the fact he was laughing at me when i started arriving
> at 10.30 again. I honestly feel like they are finding excuses to get me into
> trouble and since they have influence with the boss, they can say whatever
> they want. No one ever sat down and to tell me. If i was being fired for bad
> teaching they never sat down and told me this. Things were just nasty.
> The day I resigned (M) and (Na) took the new chick downstairs and told her
> everything about me and what happened in Yonezawa. I can only tell this from
> the fact that when the topic of movies (something happened with the boys at
> the movies remember) came up later that day in the office she gave me a
> sympathetic look and she actually texted (P) to check up on me.
> It's like the management is simply panicked about what i could say and
> trying to beat me to it instead of leaving it around. Little things like
> saying 'i forget' seemed to make people react with a gulity conscience.
>
> I have finally collected my last pay and am away from it, but it has been a
> difficult seven months.  But I am suspicious about a lot of things. I am
> also angry that i wasnt at least given a chance to be moved away from the
> fact everyone knew about the harrassment at the very least. Every time i
> tried dealing with the bosses daughter she wasnt honest with me - i put this
> down to her name being on the email.
>
> I am sorry it is such a long account, but to me little things dont add up -
> being told i could only apply for  3 months of guitar lessons, not putting
> the water bill in my name. The fact the staff were busy doing something
> dodgy with the health insurance while i was off for being emotionally
> overwraught. It at the very least was simply a situation where i would not
> have been able to do anything right. My conversations with my old boss who
> even acknowledged when i rang to say goodbye "it would have been simpler if
> you'd gone back to australia......i gave you some bad advice last time you
> were down (which was golden week)".
>
> To me it feels a little planned - she wasn't harrassed, she was moved to two
> offices and she still didnt work out. Well its a little difficult when the
> other teachers have barely had a conversation with me and things have been
> this hostile. Not all of this seems a coincidence - getting in trouble for
> arriving 'late' when it is the same thing that happened to the office staff. I was told it was ok.

Jun 4, 2005 at 10:34 o\clock

teaching experience continued part 3

I had kids training that weekend as i was in
> trouble with a couple of kids classes and (M) the boss (S's) daughter had
> called me to come for the training.
> She walks in a little nervous and i bring up the email to which she says
> "what email?" at which point i tell her - "the one saying I'm weird" and she
> says "oh, THAT one".
>
> I spoke to (S) the head boss again about things told her some more of what
> (t and j had done) and that the email didn't help, which she acknowledged,
> but didn't aplogise for. She said, look "there are three issues here. the
> teaching, the harrassment and the email".
> I was pretty upset. She could see this and told me she had called around and
> i had the support of the other women in the office to back me up. She said
> that the email had been in reference to the eye contact problems i was
> having in the classroom. The earliest she said she could transfer me was
> April, but she gave me a choice and said "as a friend i would leave - you
> don't need this, but its your choice". We went through my options and she
> encouraged me to hang in there and said she had spoken to the girls and
> other teachers. At this stage i did not know she was going to ring (j) that
> night.
>
> That Tuesday he was furious at me and neither he or (t) were talking to me.
> (t) had already been unusually quiet towards me since fukushima so they must
> have known something was up.
>
> My boss (ma) had responded when i read the email on the monday "it was
> pretty harsh" and apologised- i told him straight away because i was very
> angry- he claimed that words were underlined for staff to use a dictionary -
> this was a ridiculous comment because it was peoples names and the words
> weird and strange that were underlined. The staff did not need a dictionary
> for these things.
>
> I was upset and had been talking to my mother who had also ended up ringing
> the head  boss (S) about matters, they had a discussion about things - the
> email, the boys and the problems in the classroom. Mum was worried  because
> i was quite distraught about the email. But (S) explained she had spoken to
> me about it and apologised for it over the phone.
> By this stage (j) had been spoken to and the boss had rung around to check
> with the other teachers what was happening. (ma) had also done some
> investigating with the other teachers and locals. I had a word to the boss
> (S) after she had spoken to my mother and she said that (j) had been
> "genuinely surprised that you were upset, because you were up at the school
> with them",
> to which i replied "they knew -"(k) has spoken to them on my behalf as
> well". She was pinning (t) as the ringleader and saying (j) is ok, he just
> follows (t) too much. Part of this was true as the lines (j) used were from
> the conversation i had with (t) after the movies. She wanted me to try and
> tough things out, but said it wasnt a gaol, if i wanted to leave i could do
> so. She told me i was being too sensitive and imagining things. But she also
> said we could work something out "i don't want a law suit any more that you
> do". I had mentioned i had contacted the labour office to her.
>
> The atmosphere in the office was pretty bad after this. there was silence
> for a while and then i had a word to (k) because i wanted things back to
> normal and said i didn't like the silent treatment. One of the office staff
> actually thanked me as she walked past me.
> They (t and j) were both furious at me, but the sex talk still continued -
> however not towards me and i was avoiding the office. I had to give a class
> i had lost to (t) and as i was giving him the files i said - i "i have tried
> ...........and they wanted a male teacher" to which he replies "yeah, I'll
> stick my dick in them". I said nothing.
>
> Things got worse because i actually tried talking to (t) about what had
> happened and said some very harsh things. I was observed at a company class
> which was the night i tried talking to (t). I was upset and probably would
> have spoken to anybody who was there. The management had no confidence in my
> teaching and things just werent going well. I was a mess.
> This only exacerbated their anger towards me. Because they wouldnt listen
> properly or even prepared to hear me out. I was not only upset about them,
> but being sick and all the other factors involved as well. I dont know if
> they interpeted this properly.
>
> The morning after I walked in and the boys started singing  "i hate you, you
> hate me......" theme song for  (school name). I walked away to get a coffee
> overhearing
> "so is dingo sex one word or two words?" - "no, it's one word".
>
> I had been talking to my boss (ma) about things and he was saying - its hard
> to come down heavy on them because you've been going  out with them. I had
> been out with them twice on my own the other times were as a group or (k)
> had been there.
> Don't forget (k) has been threatened with violence and put up with a lot
> from them as well. "You need to be able to separate your personal life from
> work".
>
> I had called the (city name) labour office twice around this time and posted on
> the "teacing in japan discussion forum" around this time as well at my
> parents advice and also because i was upset. They were just as angry for me.
>
> I had been visiting (e) a lot and talking things over as i was finding it
> difficult to make a decision - quit or not etc and was still raw from what
> had happened. I had physical reactions - not wanting to drink and basically
> feeling like something had been forced down my throat and wanting to be
> sick.
>
> At the same time i am ringing (S) about the problems in the classroom - and
> this is making the situation worse because (t) and (j) think it is about
> them. I am also having trouble feeling like i can't approach the office
> manager her response is always "I'm busy".  I know she is angry about the
> classroom problems, but i didnt know the full extent and didnt realise why
> she was angry with me half the time.
>
> They seem to be enjoying making fun of me
> " i kissed a boy but i'm, a defenseless woman and didnt want to". looking at
> me and then smirking and laughing at each other. Mainly silent treatment
> though.  However i still had to catch a taxi with (j) to the trains station
> on Tuesdays for a class and part of them was trying to find out what was
> going on and I am not good at keeping my mouth shut, which made things
> worse.
>
> After reading the email I was quite distraught and had been out with a
> student who (t) and (j) both happened to teach. Earlier that month she had
> asked me for their numbers, which i didn't give out. I told her how upset i
> was at work and started crying. She ended up panicking and ringing the
> office manager after I had gone home. Her and my boss had everyone looking
> for me. This was a genuine over reaction. I was simply very upset, but the
> student was concerned.  Two weeks later she complains about (t) harrassing
> her as well. She was the same student (j) had asked me to kiss at the
> christmas party. I don't know the full details of her complaints but (t) was
> no longer her teacher after it.
>
> I decided to resign because i couldnt handle staying and the anger and
> tension in the office was quite hostile. I rang my boss (S) to resign and
> said look I am digging myself into a bigger hole staying here. I can't get
> on top of things because i am getting too upset.
> I resigned and a few days later she rang me back offering me a transfer
> beginning in March instead.
> I accepted and was transferred. I am upset to be leaving but know i have to.
> I have dinner with the other teachers and some of (e's) friends.
> The boys are loving every minute of me leaving. I am hearing them talking
> about screwing one of the female replacements - (t and k are also leaving in
> a few months and my replacement is another woman). "one of them's going to
> have to be dumb enough to" and (j) replies "well its happened before". I am
> upset by this but only have a day or so left so forget about it.
>
> A teacher from Shirakawa is supposed to meet me, but the boss (S) meets me
> instead and is still convinced i was imagining things. This is because i
> tell her about a conversation i had with (j) about high school girls and
> kids games and sharing - it's how they think......if you heard the talk you
> would know what i mean. People in the office understand what i mean about
> this. She just thinks i am being silly.
>
> She takes me shopping to buy some things for the new apartment. I am
> introduced to one of the other teachers (N) and (S's) daughter (M) is also
> down for the weekend. They have helped set up my apartment. During the day
> (S) has a meeting with (I) my boss to be at the new office. I am also left
> in my apartment to set up a little while (S, Na and M) have a discussion
> about things.
> I am taken shopping by (N) to get some tables and chairs for the apartment.
> I have bought some things off (Je) one of the other teachers.
> Things seem fine for the first month i am in the new office. I gather that
> the staff and teachers know the full story. (By) one of the teachers is
> friends with (m) who i spoke to about the situation  at my old boss (ma's)
> birthday party. I also had to ring him about my apartment package as it was
> his apartment i had moved into in the first office. He says to  me that
> "(By) told me you were moving..." I say yes, ask him about the package. (Y)
> my office manager was angry at me because i want everything now now now.
> Again i couldnt help it. I was moving the next morning. I needed to be paid.
> Anyway. Basically the gossip chain made things difficult for me and while
> none of the other teachers have actually admitted it to me. I know they have
> been told the full story and so have the staff.
> I needed a map to get to the train station on my second day and (I) had a
> word to me and said don't worry, people were concerned because you were
> concerned - they were worried "is she flipping out again, is she quitting".
> So I know he was told by (S) when i was moved and they had a meeting.
>
> I think i should write some of the complaints in the classroom and also what
> the teachers were saying about me at the fukushima meeting when (S) was
> trying to get to the bottom of the teaching problem.
> (j) told her i was a little odd and that (t) had been quite beligerant and
> rude towards me.
> (d) said weird
> (ma) said weird
> "she looks down", "she always eats salad". "she laughs and smiles to
> herself"
> I was also blanking out in the classroom - not noticing when students had
> finished an activity and drifting off (when I had the ear infection and meds). Forgetting names also.
>
> What i am going to write next is difficult to put across, but to me it feels
> like they planned to recreate the first office to get rid of me simply
> because of the email. Something odd defintley happened. No one ever said
> anything directly to me - if it was complaints or if it was going to visit
> my old city. I only have instinct and indirect comments and a conversation with
> my old boss and the bosses daughter to go on plus the fact some very shady
> covering up was going on when i did resign. I started to feel like a
> scapegoat. But at the very least there was some nastiness going on which i
> didnt understand - getting sent on wild goose chases for cars, being accused
> of throwing out gas bills for example.
>
> 1. Health Insurance - i paid for one year in  my old city and again paid for one
> year when i moved. The receipt for the new city/ the date of payment is
> 17.4.19.  I received a letter from my old city hall in the last week of
> april basically refunding me 2,400 yen. This is dated 17.4.15. I hadn't
> opened
> this letter until after i resigned in wiriting on the 16 May. I get a note
> from one of the staff about my health insurance sayng it will take two weeks
> and they will give me cash because the post office can't accept the payment.
> I did not ask city hall to do this in either city and i did not verbally ask
> them to stop my health insurance and neither had i verbally expressed that i
> was quitting at any time until i gave the resignation in writing on may 16.
> After i resigned i had the last week of may off work for being emotionally
> overwraught. I was called to come in and bring the health insurance book. I
> thought nothing of it at the time. They kept the book. I got home saw the
> letter and looked at the date and thought something seemed odd - i went back
> to the office - this is about 10 minutes later and the staff are busy
> photcopying all the pages. I ask for the health insurance booklet back and
> they seem a little hesitant, but i get it back.
>
> 2. Water bill. We have a family who own the apartment building (the Nd's). I
> was never introduced to these people and usually you need to meet them to at
> least have your water bill put in your name. I was not given a receipt for
> this.
> I did not meet the landlord until she came to collect my last bill et the
> end of May. No one introduced me to them at any stage either despite me
> asking. The new girl that arrived at the beginning of the month and met
> them, she was waiting for them to bring forms to sign for the water service.
> I never did anything of the sort. Electricity and Gas were in my name but i
> have no idea about the water.
> When i move she brings a new tenant to th apartment - i have just spoken to
> the boss (s) who knows i havent met her at this stage. The lanlord comes in
> speaking nothing but japanese. I say nice to meet you in japanese which she
> simply nods at and smiles.
> The day she comes for my water she speaks perfect english enough to wish me
> a nice flight and collect the money for the bill. I say again, "nice to meet
> you finally", to which she says nothing.
>
> 3. I come into work after seeing a counsellor in tokyo this is the day after
> i have given them a medical certificate for being emotionally overwraught. 
> (m) and the staff see me at the photocopier and have nervous looks as i
> photocopy the apartment package list. Again (m) is a little jumpy when i
> hand her thelist and she sees i have a copy for myself.
>
> I will explain why these three points concern me in more detail
> later...first........
>
> During march we had to go to the boss (S's) daughter (M's) birthday party. I
> arrived and was met by her son during the party i was being watched like a
> hawk for my social skills - putting a drink down etc, and to see if i was
> paying attention to the conversation. (J) and (D) from my old city were also
> at the party. The last seat available was right in front of (J) and he
> laughed at me as i sat down. We didn't really talk except to pass food
> around. The night ended around 11 and i went back with the boss and (N) to
> her house. (j) had taken off. Neither of us went to the 2nd party.
> I went pretty much straight to bed and (S) and (Na) stayed up talking. I
> came down to get a drink of water and heard (J's) name being mentioned in
> their conversation. I went back to bed.
> The next morning (Na) and i went back to my new city by her car. I didn't
> say very much.
>
> Somewhere during my arrival - i think my first week. We had a small house
> warming at (By's) place when i arrived. All of the teachers were there. I
> wasnt drinking and was pretty quiet. I met (P) my neighbour this night as
> well. They were planning to go out afterwards, but i didnt want to go. (P)
> came to my apartment to see if i was ok, because i had kind of taken off. I
> told him briefly about things in my old city and he said "people have talked
> about you here". He left not long after to join the others.
>
> That weekend I was down for (a's) birthday party and happened to meet my
> replacement in the office (kr). I still had transfer forms to send her. I
> had been going to my old city on Tuesdays to teach as they had no one to
> cover my classes for the day. I asked for her number in case she needed to
> call me about the classes. I went back to (E's) house to stay.
> It was clear they didn't want me going to my old city because at
> first they had said i could stay over in my apartment while no one was there
> instead of taking the last shinkansen at 9.11pm - i finished teaching at 9pm
> and had to rush out the door. I had been visiting on the Mondays as this was
> my day off to see (k) and (e) who had been very supportive of me through the
> whole mess. I happened to tell the boss (S) when she rang me about (m's)
> birthday, that i would be staying over at (e's) on the monday in my old city to
> be ready to teach on the tuesday. and all of a sudden I am no longer able to
> go to my old city on Tuesdays until 4pm and must catch the last train home.  I
> was not aware of this and arrived one Tuesday as per normal and (y) the
> office manager says what are you doing hear? I said - "it is Tuesdays, I
> teach here". She made me ring my new office to see if this was ok. The staff
> and my new boss (I) had cleared it the friday before and said it was fine.
> I made a compromise and was allowed to catch a 3pm shinkansen to give me
> time to plan my lessons.
> The next weekend it is now april. I have a new boss, which just happens to
> be (M) the daughter of the head boss (S).
> I am down for (e's) birthday party and have a heart to heart with my old
> boss (Ma). I had just also been observed by the (city name) head management (Ne - who's name was also on the email) and told him i was a little concerned. He
> said that (S) had been happy with me and that i had found my niche in my new
> office he said "she is happy with the job you're doing".
>
> I said i was worried because (M - the bos