Did just try writing an entry and lost it all.
Short version. he did reply and suggest lunch but then never confirmed he was coming after I agreed.
7 weeks later I email happy new year & hope things are good with a bit of news and fyi you might get some reference calls. Now been just over a week and he did not bother to reply.
Feeling very hurt and stupid and disappointed.
What is wrong with me.
I told you in my last post I am interested in a guy. We had lunch and I got the impression he was interested in me. I also thought he was a genuinely nic, sincere person. Emailed him on Saturday to let him know I climbed the bridge asked him how he was going and that I hoped his business venture was going well. I also said to let me know how it goes and if he wanted lunch again or a drink.
Totally Ignored my messasge. My last couple prior to that he has replied to within a day. So now I am just so upset. Can't believe it happened again. Why is it when I do try and show interest they do this? For me to do that considering I am shy takes a lot more than it probably would for others so it hurts a lot. Why act interested if you are not. At the very least I wanted to make a new friend outside of work in this city. Why do I find people so hard. I really thought he was a nice one. Just feel stupid now.
Finally. Have tried posting a couple of times and wasn't working.
Well I am in my new team at work which is a lot better. Makes the place SO different. Nice not having people yelling at you in your ear all day.
Had lunch with my old boss that got made redundant a couple of months ago. I think I like him which is doing my head in at the moment. I couldn't stop thinking about him so I asked him to lunch. I have felt a couple of times as if we like each other and felt like he did at lunch. I am shy so find letting a guy know I like him hard at times. He said we should catch up more often at the beginning of the lunch which I agreed to and then at the end of the lunch I kissed him on the cheek goodbye and held the eye contact.
I didn't say anything because I thought well I really like you but I don't want to make you uncomfortable and figured if he doesn't ask or say he wants to see me again then he isn't interested and started to leave after saying goodbye. He then kind of called out as I was heading inside "we'll catch up again soon". I haven't heard from him yet and it's been a little over a week. I would really love to see him again. I was so happy he came to lunch.
On the one hand I kind think well he knows I like him (because considering I am shy I think my signals were quite strong) he would ask if he was interested and the other part of me is like well maybe he is not quite sure I do like him since I am shy my signals might not be as strong as I think.....so maybe I deflated his ego by not being interested enough or maybe he found me boring. The lunch was meant to be three of us but ended up being us two at the last minute so I didn't quite ask him on a proper date but we both seemed happy to be alone and didn't mind at all.
Guys in the past have pretended they like me so I have trouble telling if they find my conversation lame and I was pretty nervous and when I don't know someone well it isn't always easy flowing.
But this one is really nice. He is kind of shy too.I guess I can over think and over think. What it boils down to is I really like him. Hate being so shy cos it makes things so difficult.
Well 2 more jobs I interviewed for......and didn't get. One I just had a bad 2nd interview. The other they said they were looking for someone who would not require training and be able to just "run with it" but my interview was good and I was a strong candidate. So frustrating because I just don't know what is wrong with my answers and at the moment any time I go to answer I just think back to other interviews and go what the hell was wrong wit the answer then or then or then. It is not doing much for my confidence in trying to sell myself. The other unknown is I don't know who else I am competing with. Need a break from interviews for a bit I guess. Cos I am just not getting anywhere.
Work is crazy busy and I am crazy tired and fed up with feeling like I am always picking up the slack and sick of rude impatient arrogant obnoxious people on the floor and on the phones. Had one today whoc just wouldn'ttake me saying a system issue caused a delay....wanted more info which was difficult.
Other than that not much other news. My cousin is engaged. Mum and her partner came to see me perform at the concert - I may have mentioned that already.
Ok enough from me tonight.
Well,
the performance was this weekend just gone. Went quite well. The first night in particular was very exciting as it was all new. The atmosphere was amazing and inside the concert hall was just beautiful. I was very happy to be able to be part of it. Will definitely be hoping to do it again next year.
Work is work. The lady is still being really rude and ignoring us. Wont talk about anything personal. Didn't say welcome back or ask how my time off was or say happy birthday or anything. Just work related. F>*&^ she can hold a grudge and seriously I get she was offended, but it wasn't my comment and it was not the way it was meant and she started it by telling us what her work friends were bitching about. I just cannot be bothered with someone so nasty, petty and immature. Makes me angry. I am not asking her personal stuff either and treating her the same way - just work related. Grrr. Really how closed off and cliquey this city is just ruins being here. I am still finding it hard to make new friends. Perhaps I really should consider moving back home. I will be just as lonely and to be honest I am too tired to move again. I am sick of the packing up and moving process. Need to stay put for a bit.
