Weblog of Melissa

Mood: FUKIN SHIT

Mood: on my own not knowing wot 2 do

Well the worse day eva! well ive given up on Science German Geog o and now Re! Well 1 of my BEST m8s is scaring me like f*C*K. If he eva duz anything all his m8s wud b hurt and depressed! I know that people care 4 u! i have been down that road ova a guy, Family and skool and everything gettin 2 me but wid the help wid m8s being there 4 me i got my self bak 2 gether! u know the reason i didnt do it woz bcoz i went 4 a walk 2 think and the 1 thing that realli changed my mind woz bcoz of my m8s. Thinkin how they wud feel and how selfish it wud b! although at the time i realli cudnt take anymore i slowly realised the gd sides of life and believe me.  I dnt wanna loose any of my m8s! and i know this cud lead 2 1 of u 2 h8in me!! i am siitng writing this in tears and not ashamed 2 admit i am! Well 2day in re i ended up outside wid da teacher shouting at me and i woz shouting at him! the wole class woz watchin laughing but i woz shouting realli loud and other classes heard! so basically i had 2 admit 2 him y i had my mob out! It woz bcoz this 1 person i woz scared about txt me and i had 2 txt bak bcoz i woz so wrorried.   I always put my m8s 1st b4 me but i feel theres nuthin else i can do. I tried to help them last time and got the blame yet if i just leave them they will say o al i want is u 2 b there 4 me! but then i think well they wernt exactly there 4 me 1 just takes it all out on me and wen i try tlk 2 da other about a prob i get "owell thats life live with it" yet if i did that 2 her she wud get in a stress! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i luv them both there gr8 m8s! mayb i am just a waste of space a crap person 2 tlk wid and just tug on the bak of the group maybe no1 actually wants me 2 b there.  i always get the idea sumthin is going on bhind my bak wen im there about me but if tis tru i find it hard tp believe bcoz i feel close 2 them as bst m8s!  the onli people that i think actually like me and r there 4 me at skool r Loz Chloe,Kat and Claire. Ruth isnt exactly a tru m8! every1 else h8s me and i know that as a fact o and walkin outa skool i get my name wrote on da wall by the so called popular gang in r yr!!I at the monment laura and chloe r being gr8 and loz has gd advice.  i just dnt want Luke 2 have 2 put up wid all dis crap but thats a reason 2 keep going and not 2 giv up bcoz i know he cares.  I dnt no just cum bak from lookin out my window after watchin a thomson fy plane go ova yeh i no sad just needed 2 think!

2day im happy hehehe! well went 2 bmouth den dan and alyse left and me and luke decided 2 go 2 his house 2 have time 2gether so erin and chloe stayed in bmouth.  um stayed at his 4 a while got 2 know his sis and bro there quite kl aww por luke loved the hair though lol! umm went home 2 find out my parents had go me a winnie da pooh bday cake yay bcoz 2moz im going out 4 a meal wid luke yay! well every so often i get this sudden woz about the german speaking 1 bcoz i havnt revised 2 bcoz i dnt no wot i have 2 talk about well nun my m8s who im in german wid dnt have internet so cant ask dem owll!!

Mood: Hurt inside stressed upset

well 2day had been so crap! well start off i have a german gcse speaking exam monday on my bday o and i onli found out wot i have 2 2 4 it 2day bcoz i have spent most of this month sitting outside the class room thanks 2 people realli winding me up and spreading roomers!  Plus im not gunna have any time2 revise 4 it and im 1st in 9am! grr!! and my memorie is pretty shite! Well as most of u know now i ave a mentor at skool. Well its realli gd bcoz he helps me alot wen i feel stressed wid exams or woteva! however he knows wot ive been doing 2 my self well he knew i did the 1st time which woz about January! however bcoz im so stupid ad been feeling fuked up i have been doin other stupid perfetic things! onli my close m8s Alyse, Ruth and Sharron new about it. The reason i tld ruth woz mainly bcoz i know alot about her life and i new she wud understand me! well b4 i no it she turns bhind my bak and tells my PE teacher about it who then tells my mentor who then tells my geog teacher and so on o and then Chloe and Loz found out! well thank u 2 chloe and loz they have helped me through it but grr now the bloody teachers no! o and my pe teacher made me tlk 2 her and tellin me 2 get help over reacting! Ive neva tld any1 ruths problems and even though she has dun this 2 me i still wnt go round tellin any1! Well then had Gym actually realli lookin 4wrd 2 it 2day. Then had a few small rguments wid friends who put u down all the time and they woteva they do is perfect but im just crap at everything! ok i no thats tru but thnx 4 rubbin it in my face! well i walked out of gym sat down talked 2 luke on my mob as they sed i cant go bak in and just cried it all out! well after it finished about 30mins l8er i talked 2 1 of the helpeds at gym called Emma realli friendly and basically just sed im realli soz 4 every1 thing i, just havin trubles at skool and she reali understod me and explained 2 da other coaches! So thats all gd now well so it seems! dunno wot im gunna do bout da party 2moz not sure whther i am realli in da mood 4 it now although its mine i just realli cant b botherd! anyway r c how 2moz is! ok soz i no ive talked alot about total crap but thats how crap the day woz

Mood: Sleepy

Mood: Happy wid a bit of anger