http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko Welcome to a world of mental illness, homeschooling, caregiving and just plain life. en dedgekko dedgekko Wed, 22 Mar 2006 02:34:59 +0100 daily 1 We finally sold our house at the end of February. It was such an excrutiatingly long time to wait. Since the closing, the weeks have passed quickly though. I have passed the time by getting my daughter into the dentist because she needed to be seen for her wisdom teeth. She's having them removed tomorrow. Surgery for four impacted wisdom teeth...eeek. I also had my husband seen by a dentist to set up a plan for receiving a full set of dentures..Yay...no more hillbilly teeth..no offense to hillbillies but enough is enough. We also retired the old 17 year old car and got a new Nissan Xterra. The old one was so rusted the sliding door wouldn't slide anymore and the rear hatch had it in for me. Always trying to smash me on the noggin'....Now we have a sunny yellow Xterra, that can be seen across the parking lot. Perfect for a blind old fool like me, who forgets what planet she's on half the time and the other half doesn't even care. Well, got to go and unplug this wire so my father can go to bed. Bye all. Wed, 22 Mar 2006 02:34:59 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Returned-from-the-Land-of-the-Lost/64/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Returned-from-the-Land-of-the-Lost/64/ I am frozen to the bone at the moment. I've been out raking leaves again from the big old tulip tree that loves to drop it's leaves very late in the season. But it needed to get done, so be done it was. It has been diffiicult writing like I used too. I still haven't had my computer repaired for lack of money. Back in September we put our house on the market too and that seemed to have gone very well but we are stuck in limbo now. The house received offers after only one open house and we accepted an offer within the first week and we have been waiting for the closing date since then and then our lawyer delayed the closing but hasn't told us the final date yet. I am going crazy not knowing the date. It's very scary because I am afraid the deal will fall through and I'm also feeling paranoid about it. And you know how fun it is to dream about spending some money when you haven't had any for so long? That is what I have been doing. I thought the kids could have some cool stuff for Christmas and now the... Sun, 27 Nov 2005 23:19:49 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/A-Cold-But-Cheery-Hello/63/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/A-Cold-But-Cheery-Hello/63/ I was walking around my yard this afternoon,feeling rather dejected. For no matter how old we get having our father mad at us can still stir feelings of dispair. Honestly, I wonder at times, what I have to do to get over the feeling that I am not a child and I don't have to feel as if I am being judged for making sensible decisions. You see I had been discussing with him that I was researching the ins and outs of selling a house and what it involved and he had to tell me all about the reality of it from his standpoint. That would be like asking Archie Bunker his opinion. And he concluded the discussion by saying he would probably be dead by then anyway. Oh happy day, another beautiful sunny day destroyed by pouring acid on my open wounds. So, anyway, I took my dogs outside so I could pick up crap (fun, fun) and what do I see out of the corner of my eye.... a fat-bug-like thing darting around among the old-fashioned orange tiger lilies. I had to take a closer look, because even a new bug is worth a peek... Sun, 31 Jul 2005 01:00:15 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Visitation-of-the-Hummingbird/62/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Visitation-of-the-Hummingbird/62/ Welcome to the summer 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. 1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:15 am 2. Diamonds or pearls? pearls 3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Farenheit 9/11 4. What is your favorite TV show? House 5. What did you have for breakfast? toast 6. What is your middle name? Rena 7.What is your favorite cuisine? Italian 8. What food do you dislike? lamb 9. What is your favorite chip flavor? salt & vinegar 10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Velvet Revolver-Contraband 11. What type of car do you drive? Dodge Caravan 12. Favorite sandwich? Italian sub 13. What characteristic do you despise? LIARS !!! 14. Favorite item of clothing? old blue jeans 15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Norway... Fri, 15 Jul 2005 16:41:30 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Friendship/61/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Friendship/61/ Thanks for looking out for me everyone. Hi Jackie. I'm glad I know you by name now. I've been stuck using an iMac computer instead of my own Pc for quite some time now and the screen shot here is very different. This is the first time I've even been able to see the side bar where I am able to record an entry. Anyways, my dog Jing is doing well minus his cancerous toe. His leg looks like a dachsunds, all shaved smooth but he is back to his old self, only slightly demented. Last night he was standing near the bushes lost in thought and I practically had to drag him inside because he was lost to the world. Don't know what was going on but doggy Alzheimer's can just go away and stay away. Dealt enough with that with my mother. At least now the fireworks exploding around here don't seem to bother him anymore. Now my Eskimo is the one running to me, scared to death. Poor fellows. How's everybody's garden's doing....those that partake of flowery follies? I am in heaven, my garden is more than I could ask for,... Tue, 05 Jul 2005 01:51:06 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Well-now-the-system-is-working/60/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Well-now-the-system-is-working/60/ You know you have no life when selling items on ebay is the highlight of your entire decade. I decided to finally become a seller on ebay last night. I have put up for sale my homeschool books that I'm no longer using  because I need room for the newer books for this upcoming year. And since I need every cent I can get now I decided to try to sell everything I can. It's very addicting, isn't it. I was so happy when I made my first sale. I'm such a sap Of course now I'm going to try to sell every last thing I own so I can get some money for my doggy's surgery. He has been doing okay. He keeps trying to get his sock off though. I hope so badly that he doesn't have cancer. Well, whatever happens happens. My neighbor has been very nice to me lately. She gave me some tomato plants the other day. I was happy to take them because my seedlings are tiny and the way the weather has been so cold they may never progress beyond toddlerhood. Mon, 23 May 2005 00:55:13 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/You-know-you-have-no-life-when/59/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/You-know-you-have-no-life-when/59/ Yes, I am still alive! Thank you for asking. I have been gardening and playing chauffeur to my daughter who goes to the doctor many times a month. I've enjoyed the gardening part of it and hated the driving. We've been going to the eating disorder's clinic and playing their game which really adds up to my daughter eating properly when she finally decides to do it. I understand how frustrating it must be for her. I can relate it towards smoking. When I quit finally there was that hurdle I had to get across, it must be the same for her. Frankly, I don't have an eating problem. I eat just fine, probably too well but I enjoy it just the same. My weight has always been a problem but when it gets to really bother me I know I have to eat less and exercise more. There is no secret pill or formula. Presently I have worked my knees into their gardening condition. I didn't think I would be able to this year because I have gained the pre-menopausal stomach that us fat women get. But I managed to crawl through the... Sat, 21 May 2005 02:47:37 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Hi-I-am-well-and-thanks-for-asking/58/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Hi-I-am-well-and-thanks-for-asking/58/ Yesterday we took Theresa to the eating disorders clinic at the children's hospital for her appointment with the medical doctor. It was supposed to be an hour appointment. The doctor decided that she should have an EKG because Theresa had been experiencing heart palpitations. Because of the time of day we had to go over to the emergency room and you know what that means. It's too bad I don't know how to knit. I could have learned in the time I was there. We spent six hours there for the time it took to have an EKG. But I am glad to say that it was normal. They are not sure why she has the palpitations. I am wondering is she has a sensitivity to that fake sweetener phenylyne or however it's spelled. I've told her to stay away from it just to see if it makes a difference. Of course, her starvation diet could cause it too.  But that is the whole point of her attending this clinic in the first place. Sun, 01 May 2005 02:01:45 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Hello/57/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Hello/57/ Once again I disappeared off the face of the earth but I am back. I am not sure for how long though. Life is tolerable at the moment. The green of the earth calls me outdoors and I spend little time tapping away at the computer screen. My daughters are doing okay. My older daughter is enjoying life and has a boyfriend that is treating her nicely. My younger daughter is taking her Ritalin and is okay. She still has occasions when she loses it and has problems with anger but we are working on it together. Hope everyone is doing okay too. Thu, 28 Apr 2005 17:35:15 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/My-Face-on-a-Milk-Carton/56/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/My-Face-on-a-Milk-Carton/56/ The last two days my daughter has been enrolled in a partial hospitalization program aimed at preventing a full hospitalization. Supposedly she's to learn how to cope with her problems and not react with so much anger that she punches herself in the head and do further damage to herself. My family is familiar with the program since my other daughter went to it last year since she is bipolar and she suffered from severe depression. My younger daughter is the exact opposite in character though and 4 years younger. After two days she no longer wants to attend and I can't blame her for wanting to leave. I would love to know who the genious was that decided 11 year olds should be with kids up to 16 to discuss their problems. After all, I'm sure they have the same issues to discuss. She came home to tell me all they talk about is how they take Ecstacy and cocaine and drink all the time and have sex. I should have known better too because we homeschool and she is not even subjected to the public school... Fri, 01 Apr 2005 01:47:26 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Hours-to-Myself/55/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Hours-to-Myself/55/ This weekend my daughter and I went out to buy Cds after dark. Truly a rare occurence since I drive very little after dark. I bought Ozzy's new box set and my daughter got 50 cent Massacre, with the promise to listen to it with headphones only. That's the last thing I need is my father wanting to know what is she listening too. I still remember back when I was a kid listening to Pink Floyd's 'The Wall'  lp and the song "Mother" had the lyrics 'mother do you think they'll try to break my balls'. My father almost killed me for bringing that trash into his house. I mean that figuretively, of course. Maybe it's a Godsend that he's lost alot of his hearing. Had a nice Easter though. Went out in the yard and raked off the layer of leaves that the snow had uncovered and really took joy in seeing what shoots had come up. My sneakers got covered in mud and this is my spring christening. Sitting out back picking mud out of the cracks of my sneakers. One day I'll learn to keep an old pair of... Tue, 29 Mar 2005 01:32:33 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Rainy-Day/54/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Rainy-Day/54/ Woke up to see that very little snow had accumulated and even though it was still snowing it didn't take a genius to add up that we weren't going to get the amount that the weatherman said we were going to . I was happy about that. A little too happy though. You see, mania has started creeping back in to my personality slowly but surely. It has started to show up in the morning because I don't have any medication in my system yet and I was always a morning person. They used to love me at my last morning job. I used to open up the store and been done with my work while everyone else was just walking in and I would have all this energy and I really enjoyed myself and my work. I still miss the people and the job. Anyway, this morning I was laughing and having a great time telling my poor father all about something or other (I can't even remember) and blabbing about this and that. Luckily he didn't even notice it but I did, so I took my pills and did the dishes and decided to call my sister and talk some more... Thu, 24 Mar 2005 22:56:03 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/A-thanks-for-little-snow./53/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/A-thanks-for-little-snow./53/ I feel slightly sick right now. I'm not sure why. I didn't eat too much and turned away dessert, a chocolate cake that my brother had picked up at the bakery. Maybe it's the feeling of knowing we're having another snowstorm that is making me feel like this. Hmmm...whatever it is, it will pass. I finished reading my book this morning at 5 a.m.  I woke up too early and didn't feel like getting up so I read the rest of it. It ended sadly, I wished the title character had found more happiness in his life but that's the way it was meant to be be. I recommend the story highly and I am going to read her first novel too because it received even higher awards. Now I will be taking a few days break from reading because of Easter and the need to do a little extra cleaning. I tend to fall into that spring cleaning routine anyway. I have developed extra energy because the Depakote has been leaving my system and it is very strange what is happening to me. I can remember my dreams again and have very strong emotions... Thu, 24 Mar 2005 01:27:57 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/I-Feel-Sick/52/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/I-Feel-Sick/52/ Today I had to go to Staples to by a new protracter because my daughter broke the one I had in a fit of frustration. I wasn't in the store about five minutes when I had to go to the bathroom. You know the feeling, like if you don't get to go RIGHT NOW...everyone within three hundred yards is going to wish they had never been born! Thank God they are nice enough to put in public restrooms. Anyway, after relieving myself I decided to buy two daily lesson planners for next school years because they can be hard to come by. They were on the shelf that was situated slightly higher than my head and when I was trying to pick through the various pretty colors two of them slid down off the shelf and slammed me in the mouth. All of this happened in front of the store clerk who , of course, had to ask me if he could help me with anything. Sure, tape my mouth up and give me the books for free! Aside from the embarressment I finished buying my stuff and then went out the door to be faced with the odd feeling of not... Wed, 23 Mar 2005 01:05:46 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Dude-where-s-my-car/51/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Dude-where-s-my-car/51/ Today was another day filled with amazement. I got to up the dosage of my medication again and about an hour after I took it, it hit me like a brick***BAM****and then I felt a little but nauseus. It passed quickly though because we couldn't stop laughing at the 'International Male' catalog that had come in the mail. My brother gets tons of catalogs because he buys from the King Size catalog. If you have ever seen the International Male catalog then you know what I mean****pink shoes?.....okay...... I spent most of the day hiding from my daughter and reading a book I started last night. It's called, 'The Namesake' by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have enjoyed it so far. It's very engrossing and I've been able to escape this insane asylum for awhile. Mon, 21 Mar 2005 23:54:37 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/whatever/50/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/whatever/50/ Finally the first day of Spring! This has seemed like a very long winter season. We had a very nice day here in New England, sunny and temps in the 40s. My daughter came back home today acting all sweet too. She wanted to show me the presents she had bought for the little girl down the street who was having a birthday party. She can be such a nice little girl when she wants. Sort of like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. It didn't take 30 minutes for her to change when I reminded her she needed to have something to eat before heading out for the afternoon to a friend's house. She finally agreed upon a slice of bread      ( I still think she was switched at birth)   . I tried my best to ignore her behavior and just focus on the fact that she ate something, anything. My dad has been coaching me on trying to ignore her since he has noticed she is really challenging me and it is really a power struggle. So, since I can't control her I have to learn to control myself. You'd think I'd... Sun, 20 Mar 2005 23:52:11 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Yay-Spring/49/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Yay-Spring/49/ Aaahhh.....a day filled with nothingness. Is there such a word? Well, there is now. Talked online to a friend overseas for three hours this morning, played video games, ate lunch, washed dishes, more computer, more video games, more laziness, ate dinner, more videos and more computer, a little cleaning of my daughter's bedroom and that is all I have done ALL DAY LONG! and I don't care.........I did call my husband's to see how my daughter was and of course she is fine now, thank God, but I just wish the weekend would last a little bit longer. Tomorrow I will do the housework I didn't do today. I also need to decide eventually whether I am going to continue to homeschool her or not. I checked some of the tuitions of private schools here and they are all in the $23,000-$25,000 a year range. That's a giant OUCH! Don't know about you but my husband works in a factory and I went to a public school. I've homeschooled her for three years succesfully and can continue to do so if she doesn't drive me insane first... Sun, 20 Mar 2005 01:50:38 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/nothingness/48/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/nothingness/48/ Oh my goodness..what a day this has been. First of all, my medication has been okay. I started at one pill a day for three days and upped it to two today and so far so good. In the meantime I have had to lower the dosage of my other medication because I will be discontinuing it. The only problems with it is that I occasionally use the wrong word for things and my typing really sucks at time.    But the medication for my daughter is another story. I am still not sure of this. I wish I knew if I was doing the right thing or not. The Ritalin seemed to really help her at first. She became alot more relaxed, 98 % of the time. The only time she wasn't was when she didn't understand her math assignment and even then she didn't throw a giant tantrum. But today she woke up with a headache. I told her to just take it easy and we would have a relaxed day. After all, everyone has sick days now and again. She is such a perfectionist, she insists on schooling every single day, even when sick. ... Sat, 19 Mar 2005 01:08:56 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/a-need-for-popcorn/47/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/a-need-for-popcorn/47/ This is day two for the ritalin and so far so good. I am afraid to become optimistic  though. Too many times I have been burned by optimism, only to have my feelings stomped on and my emotions smashed to the floor. I am going to follow the advice of AA and take it one day at a time. I saw my own therapist today too. Got into a good rant about things and how my medication sucks and depression is a daily occurence, blah blah blah. So, we came to the conclusion that my medication at this current dosage is not going to work and at a higher dosage I will just eat myself into a coma, so we are going to try a new medication (for me anyway) Guess what...I already have the medication in my house because it's the Topamax that my daughter couldn't take. So tomorrow morning I'm going to try the Topamax. So, if it kills me, thanks for reading my little blog of insanity.  And if it doesn't kill me maybe it will cause me to lose my appetite and then I can drop a million pounds and win the lottery and go on a... Tue, 15 Mar 2005 00:09:43 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Day-Two/46/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/Day-Two/46/ Today we ventured to the doctor during the snowstorm. I was hoping we could get there and back before the snow but it wasn't meant to be. Anyways, we now have a new diagnosis. She is being treated for ADD this time with Ritalin. All I keep remembering about Ritalin is a boy who killed a girl many years ago and he took Ritalin and the defense used was that the drug made him do it. Now I know, of course, that it was only one case but it came to mind, nonetheless. So, I will be giving her this drug tomorrow and keeping my fingers crossed that it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't but I have this selfish part of me that just wants a little old fashioned normalcy to my life and I'm sure she does too. You see, I don't know what she feels like cause I have bipolar disorder not ADD. So, wish me luck! Sun, 13 Mar 2005 03:03:37 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/new-diagnosis/45/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/dedgekko/new-diagnosis/45/