I Don't Recall Breaking Two Mirrors

Mood: blah but improving

Woke up to see that very little snow had accumulated and even though it was still snowing it didn't take a genius to add up that we weren't going to get the amount that the weatherman said we were going to . I was happy about that. A little too happy though. You see, mania has started creeping back in to my personality slowly but surely. It has started to show up in the morning because I don't have any medication in my system yet and I was always a morning person. They used to love me at my last morning job. I used to open up the store and been done with my work while everyone else was just walking in and I would have all this energy and I really enjoyed myself and my work. I still miss the people and the job. Anyway, this morning I was laughing and having a great time telling my poor father all about something or other (I can't even remember) and blabbing about this and that. Luckily he didn't even notice it but I did, so I took my pills and did the dishes and decided to call my sister and talk some more and laugh some more. An hour later I did some house cleaning and I got a huge headache because being manic is kind of like the feeling you get after you've had a few too many beers or glasses of wine or whatever. Sometimes after the really great time and all the crazy laughing your brain just says it's had enough and it poops out on you. So, I've had this crappy headache. And Tylenol doesn't help and I can't take anything stronger, so I've tried heat packs and that made it worse and now I have cold packs which are helping somewhat. Serves me right for having such a good time, I still am at a point where I could have controlled myself by not talking to anyone and just sat down and read a book. Well, I guess every so often I still put myself in the position of guinea pig to see what happens.

Mood: happy

I feel slightly sick right now. I'm not sure why. I didn't eat too much and turned away dessert, a chocolate cake that my brother had picked up at the bakery. Maybe it's the feeling of knowing we're having another snowstorm that is making me feel like this. Hmmm...whatever it is, it will pass. I finished reading my book this morning at 5 a.m.  I woke up too early and didn't feel like getting up so I read the rest of it. It ended sadly, I wished the title character had found more happiness in his life but that's the way it was meant to be be. I recommend the story highly and I am going to read her first novel too because it received even higher awards. Now I will be taking a few days break from reading because of Easter and the need to do a little extra cleaning. I tend to fall into that spring cleaning routine anyway. I have developed extra energy because the Depakote has been leaving my system and it is very strange what is happening to me. I can remember my dreams again and have very strong emotions again.  In a nutshell, I am alive again. It's really incredible and you can't even imagine it unless you've been through something like this. I've missed being in touch with myself for years. Before I could tune out my inner voice and not listen to my true emotions and they would be left drowning below the surface as my Depakote world would glide silently over them. Now, I stand here and say to myself, "HEY FATTY!....LOOK WHAT YOU"VE DONE TO YOURSELF. I GUESS YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO TO GET ALL OF THAT WEIGHT OFF, HAVEN'T YOU?" It's getting really hard to ignore that voice now, especially when I know it's true. Well, I've got to get a drink of water as I've been working at this computer too long and my legs need a stretch. Bye