I Don't Recall Breaking Two Mirrors

Mood: happy
Listening to: AMERICAN IDOL

We finally sold our house at the end of February. It was such an excrutiatingly long time to wait. Since the closing, the weeks have passed quickly though. I have passed the time by getting my daughter into the dentist because she needed to be seen for her wisdom teeth. She's having them removed tomorrow. Surgery for four impacted wisdom teeth...eeek. I also had my husband seen by a dentist to set up a plan for receiving a full set of dentures..Yay...no more hillbilly teeth..no offense to hillbillies but enough is enough. We also retired the old 17 year old car and got a new Nissan Xterra. The old one was so rusted the sliding door wouldn't slide anymore and the rear hatch had it in for me. Always trying to smash me on the noggin'....Now we have a sunny yellow Xterra, that can be seen across the parking lot. Perfect for a blind old fool like me, who forgets what planet she's on half the time and the other half doesn't even care. Well, got to go and unplug this wire so my father can go to bed. Bye all.

I am frozen to the bone at the moment. I've been out raking leaves again from the big old tulip tree that loves to drop it's leaves very late in the season. But it needed to get done, so be done it was. It has been diffiicult writing like I used too. I still haven't had my computer repaired for lack of money. Back in September we put our house on the market too and that seemed to have gone very well but we are stuck in limbo now. The house received offers after only one open house and we accepted an offer within the first week and we have been waiting for the closing date since then and then our lawyer delayed the closing but hasn't told us the final date yet. I am going crazy not knowing the date. It's very scary because I am afraid the deal will fall through and I'm also feeling paranoid about it. And you know how fun it is to dream about spending some money when you haven't had any for so long? That is what I have been doing. I thought the kids could have some cool stuff for Christmas and now the closing probably won't happen in time. Honestly, I don't care as long as it does happen. This is more stressful than when we bought the house. So, I don't know what's going to happen.

Mood: happy

I was walking around my yard this afternoon,feeling rather dejected. For no matter how old we get having our father mad at us can still stir feelings of dispair. Honestly, I wonder at times, what I have to do to get over the feeling that I am not a child and I don't have to feel as if I am being judged for making sensible decisions. You see I had been discussing with him that I was researching the ins and outs of selling a house and what it involved and he had to tell me all about the reality of it from his standpoint. That would be like asking Archie Bunker his opinion. And he concluded the discussion by saying he would probably be dead by then anyway. Oh happy day, another beautiful sunny day destroyed by pouring acid on my open wounds. So, anyway, I took my dogs outside so I could pick up crap (fun, fun) and what do I see out of the corner of my eye.... a fat-bug-like thing darting around among the old-fashioned orange tiger lilies. I had to take a closer look, because even a new bug is worth a peek but I was overjoyed...it was a hummingbird!! I had never seen a hummingbird here in my entire life. I had only seen one once in California at my brother's house but never here. Of course it disapeared as quickly as it arrived but that was all it took. I know...I'm such a sap....I don't care. It's so cool. Now I'm glad I'm happy again. Thank you hummingbird.

Mood: happy
Listening to: whirring of the fan

Welcome to the summer 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. 1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:15 am 2. Diamonds or pearls? pearls 3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Farenheit 9/11 4. What is your favorite TV show? House 5. What did you have for breakfast? toast 6. What is your middle name? Rena 7.What is your favorite cuisine? Italian 8. What food do you dislike? lamb 9. What is your favorite chip flavor? salt & vinegar 10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Velvet Revolver-Contraband 11. What type of car do you drive? Dodge Caravan 12. Favorite sandwich? Italian sub 13. What characteristic do you despise? LIARS !!! 14. Favorite item of clothing? old blue jeans 15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Norway 16. What color is your bathroom? white and gold 18. Where would you retire to? Massachusetts 20. What was your most memorable birthday? 16th got to fly in a two seater plane 22. Favorite sport to watch? Red Sox baseball (smile) 24. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide 25. Coke or Pepsi? COKE 26. Are you a morning person or a night owl? morning person 27. What is your shoe size? 9-9 1/2 28. Do you have any pets? 3 dogs, 3 birds,a fish, and a neighbor's cat that has adopted us 29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family or friends? I'm still sane!!! 30. What did you want to be when you were little? A policewoman

Thanks for looking out for me everyone. Hi Jackie. I'm glad I know you by name now. I've been stuck using an iMac computer instead of my own Pc for quite some time now and the screen shot here is very different. This is the first time I've even been able to see the side bar where I am able to record an entry. Anyways, my dog Jing is doing well minus his cancerous toe. His leg looks like a dachsunds, all shaved smooth but he is back to his old self, only slightly demented. Last night he was standing near the bushes lost in thought and I practically had to drag him inside because he was lost to the world. Don't know what was going on but doggy Alzheimer's can just go away and stay away. Dealt enough with that with my mother. At least now the fireworks exploding around here don't seem to bother him anymore. Now my Eskimo is the one running to me, scared to death. Poor fellows. How's everybody's garden's doing....those that partake of flowery follies? I am in heaven, my garden is more than I could ask for, just wonderful. My tomatoes are still stunted but who cares. The ones my neighbor gave me are huge and producing well. With the heat we had they shot up tremendously. My cukes are fabulous, as are the green beans. I have squash everywhere, nothing producing yet but I'm patient. I've had to do some carpentry work too. Started out scraping paint on my front porch with my father but the 'king box' at the foot of the front stairs was too rotted to be saved. So I tallked my Dad into letting me rebuild it. He used to do all of the carpentry and I said we could still do it. I ended up doing most of the work because his knees are shot but I love to do it. Now there's all that painting to do. Seems like it's time for a painting party!!!! Too bad he doesn't go for those things. Oh well, painting is another of those therapuetic jobs I enjoy. So, hope all have a safe 4th.

Mood: okay

You know you have no life when selling items on ebay is the highlight of your entire decade. I decided to finally become a seller on ebay last night. I have put up for sale my homeschool books that I'm no longer using  because I need room for the newer books for this upcoming year. And since I need every cent I can get now I decided to try to sell everything I can. It's very addicting, isn't it. I was so happy when I made my first sale. I'm such a sap

Of course now I'm going to try to sell every last thing I own so I can get some money for my doggy's surgery. He has been doing okay. He keeps trying to get his sock off though. I hope so badly that he doesn't have cancer. Well, whatever happens happens.

My neighbor has been very nice to me lately. She gave me some tomato plants the other day. I was happy to take them because my seedlings are tiny and the way the weather has been so cold they may never progress beyond toddlerhood.

Mood: okay

Yes, I am still alive! Thank you for asking. I have been gardening and playing chauffeur to my daughter who goes to the doctor many times a month. I've enjoyed the gardening part of it and hated the driving. We've been going to the eating disorder's clinic and playing their game which really adds up to my daughter eating properly when she finally decides to do it. I understand how frustrating it must be for her. I can relate it towards smoking. When I quit finally there was that hurdle I had to get across, it must be the same for her. Frankly, I don't have an eating problem. I eat just fine, probably too well but I enjoy it just the same. My weight has always been a problem but when it gets to really bother me I know I have to eat less and exercise more. There is no secret pill or formula. Presently I have worked my knees into their gardening condition. I didn't think I would be able to this year because I have gained the pre-menopausal stomach that us fat women get. But I managed to crawl through the dirt and gave my neighbors a show that they'd never forget. HAH!! It was all worth it, my garden is spectacular. Every time I look at it I am in heaven. I also am finding things that I planted last year that I forgot I planted. I knew I planted them but forgot where I planted them. So, now I am keeping a gardening journal.

My dogs are doing better now too. My Eskimo, Fox has been diagnosed with hypo-thyroidism and will be on pills the rest of his life. But it explains his balding tail and haunches and his poor depressed demeaner. He's been on the pills for two weeks and already he is much happier. He even chased after a ball today. I am so happy to see that because he was such a happy dog before. The breed tends to be like that and when he started acting fatigued I thought he was just getting old, so I am glad there is an answer to his problems. My other dog, the Silky Terrier, Jing has to have surgery on Tues. the 24th. He has a growth on his front toe. They will remove it and biopsy it. If it is cancerous he will have to have the toe amputated. So, I am saying a doggy prayer that he doesn't have cancer. He just turned 13 and he is such a cute little fellow.  Thankfully my dog, Sandy, who is a mixed breed is okay. It gets awfully expensive when things go wrong all at once. I was even considering finding another job. But I don't know when I could get away from watching my father. Maybe if my youngest daughter settles down I could work in the evening.

Right now she has started taking Clonodin. She was on Ritalin but it caused her to have a rapid heart rate so she had to discontinue it. The Clonodin makes her feel tired but that's actually a good thing. She is so wired in the evening that she gets out of control, so I only give it to her at night. Maybe this will work. If it doesn't, it doesn't. We are all through with school for this year and won't be starting back until September, so we will have until then to figure something out. Well, that's all for now. Hope you've all been well. Till next time.

Yesterday we took Theresa to the eating disorders clinic at the children's hospital for her appointment with the medical doctor. It was supposed to be an hour appointment. The doctor decided that she should have an EKG because Theresa had been experiencing heart palpitations. Because of the time of day we had to go over to the emergency room and you know what that means. It's too bad I don't know how to knit. I could have learned in the time I was there. We spent six hours there for the time it took to have an EKG. But I am glad to say that it was normal. They are not sure why she has the palpitations. I am wondering is she has a sensitivity to that fake sweetener phenylyne or however it's spelled. I've told her to stay away from it just to see if it makes a difference. Of course, her starvation diet could cause it too.  But that is the whole point of her attending this clinic in the first place.

Once again I disappeared off the face of the earth but I am back. I am not sure for how long though. Life is tolerable at the moment. The green of the earth calls me outdoors and I spend little time tapping away at the computer screen. My daughters are doing okay. My older daughter is enjoying life and has a boyfriend that is treating her nicely. My younger daughter is taking her Ritalin and is okay. She still has occasions when she loses it and has problems with anger but we are working on it together. Hope everyone is doing okay too.

Mood: happy
Listening to: Malcolm in the Middle

The last two days my daughter has been enrolled in a partial hospitalization program aimed at preventing a full hospitalization. Supposedly she's to learn how to cope with her problems and not react with so much anger that she punches herself in the head and do further damage to herself. My family is familiar with the program since my other daughter went to it last year since she is bipolar and she suffered from severe depression. My younger daughter is the exact opposite in character though and 4 years younger. After two days she no longer wants to attend and I can't blame her for wanting to leave. I would love to know who the genious was that decided 11 year olds should be with kids up to 16 to discuss their problems. After all, I'm sure they have the same issues to discuss. She came home to tell me all they talk about is how they take Ecstacy and cocaine and drink all the time and have sex. I should have known better too because we homeschool and she is not even subjected to the public school atmosphere. We do have kids in the neighborhood of different ages but not many older than her, most are in her age group. So, she stuck with it for two days but today she got upset and told me she wouldn't go tomorrow. I am not going to make her either. I'll call them and speak with the director and tell him I'm not really pleased with the age difference and that she feels very uncomfortable. Of course that brings me back to square one again.      I will continue to try. Next stop is family therapy...yuck.....but, what the hell, I've been in therapy alone since I was 12, what difference does it make?

I went out in the garden again today. Had a wonderful encounter that only fellow gardeners could understand.  Seeing all of the new growth that had emerged since Sunday and then I uncovered more that hid been hidden by the snow previously. This is what truly fascinates me in the world and I love to watch things grow. This garden is especially nice because I made it last year as a memorial garden for my mother. Seeing as I had planted alot of things during a time that I was seriously grieving I've found that I can't remember exactly what I planted. Some plants I recognize since I've gardened since I was young but my pills have caused my brain to forget alot so I feel like a kid in a candy shop. I had the biggest smile on my face while I was uncovering my "babies". My daughter says I look like a kid unwrapping presents on Christmas. Exactly.