http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter expressing my ramblings, my world, my view, my way. en crazywriter crazywriter Fri, 30 Sep 2005 07:57:42 +0200 daily 1 Yes, I have a new blog. Finally, I can do something FUN with the template. Not that blogigo isn't nice, but I can't figure out how to change the template the way I want it to be. Too bad. Anyways, the link: http://lessemotion.blogspot.com/   Check it out, k? It's kinda nice. And I even have a cbox. :D Fri, 30 Sep 2005 07:57:42 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/me-new-blog/64/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/me-new-blog/64/ ...thanks for your comment. Really helps to know that there're people out there who actually read this blog. Anyway, I'd finish typing like about a minute ago, but lost everything coz I played around with the cute little boxes that exist on this page in which I'm typing now. I think only people with blogigo accounts know what I mean. Anyway, since I don't feel like typing it all over again, I'll keep it short. No, it's not because of the power imbalance fear or anything. It's more, I guess, my own fear of commitment. After the many times that he'd told me that he likes me, today was the first time I took the initiative to say that I like him too. Well. May not seem like much to you, but it's a great deal to me. Oh, and another milestone was crossed. Not telling you what that's about, though. XP Hmm. I guess it all boils down to trusting him, trusting God and trusting fate. Things will occur as they will occur, and nothing I do will stop it, or change it or do anything to it. So...*leaning... Thu, 22 Sep 2005 15:24:30 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Dear-pendulum/63/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Dear-pendulum/63/ ...and yeah. I've been having this internal conflict for quite a while now, as to whether I really like him back, as in really, really like him back. And then, on monday, he gave me it. As in a ring. Yeah, yeah, I know, many couples get rings too, to signify their love and all, but it really pressurized me as to whether I really like him back, coz he seems to really like me, despite all my flaws. And I have many many flaws, I assure you. And being a perfectionist, I hate myself. But that's beside the point. The point is, I was arguing with myself day in and day out, and then yesterday happened. He fainted. OmG! Panic literally swamped me, and I couldn't stop trembling, couldn't stop thinking, omg. omg. Why is this happening? What happened? How is he? Where is he? I want to see him, to see if he's okay. I don't want anything to happen to him. I want him to be okay. I want him to be okay . In that instant, I prayed to God , God, if you could possibly let him be okay, let him be all right... Wed, 21 Sep 2005 18:06:42 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/continuing/62/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/continuing/62/ ...and I really shouldn't be here. >.< Just went to esther's blog, and found it really, really, really cute! Just like how air-stir is.   Then I saw her link to yeanyang's blog, and then I went like, what! yy has a blog! omg! this i gotta see, and click goes the mouse. Turns out that he has this pretty cool blog design, with the last entry dated at august 2. Still, it is pretty cool. Wanna design something as cool too. >.< Can't remember the last time I designed anything. Or even wrote anything. AAHHH! My left brain is deserting me! Come back here! ~runs off after left brain~ Anyways, I was just thinking. I haven't told him that I have a blog. But then, I remember him telling me that his eyes got spoilt because of the com. >.< Don't want to make his eyesight even worst. >.< Bah. XinXian just left. And not for home. Bah. Will continue once I reach home. Wed, 21 Sep 2005 15:22:29 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/8-more-days-to-Promos/61/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/8-more-days-to-Promos/61/ Was randomly surfing the net and came across the official Erementer Gerad website. If you recall (which you probably don't) I was rambling about this newest anime that looked really interesting in the earlier part of this year. Well, it's currently showing up till ep. 24. Of course, evalpowar.com hasn't subbed up to there yet. I only have up to ep. 21 downloaded. But that's not the main point. The thing is, I just saw these super kawaaaiiiii mini figurines! Okay, okay, it's only a photo of the figurines, but still, they're super kawaii. :) Can't seem to upload the file, coz it's too big. Well, then click below for the official site: http://www.erementar-gerad.com/ Had three tests today: lit, econs, math. Actually, the lit 'test' was more like a 'quotation quiz' which had no serious implications for our promos results. *phew* Lucky for me... Lost 9 marks in the math test out of 25. *sigh* There goes my 'A' again...But can't really lament it too much. I really didn't know how to do the... Wed, 14 Sep 2005 13:14:57 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Erementar-Gerad/60/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Erementar-Gerad/60/ That's my msn nick for now. Coz I'm really confused as to whether I like him or not. But one thing's for sure, I don't want to let him go. Really selfish, right? I know. He's a really nice guy and all, and we've been together for like a month and 6 days. (hey, I'm a girl. We take notice of such stuff, okay?) So, he says that he likes me before. Quite a few times. But I've never said that I like him back, and he doesn't push me for it. Hmm. I don't know. I knew I shouldn't have agreed go stead so quickly. And for the record, I was thinking of just being normal friends first before we progress, so to speak. But then, my hand was already being held by his. It didn't seem right to say that I just want to be friends. *shrug* I don't regret my decision, though I think that we might have gone too fast along this road. We care too much about each other. We are so very afraid of hurting the other party. We watch our actions, and words very carefully. That's why, I have this feeling that we don't really know... Tue, 13 Sep 2005 18:21:41 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/.s0L3mnLy-c0nfUs3d./59/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/.s0L3mnLy-c0nfUs3d./59/ Bah. Finally got home from school. Lessons ended early, but I wanted to do some work, so I stayed back with karwai, xinxian and esther. Actually, esther wanted to leave, and xinxian too, but later xinxian changed her mind and esther reluctantly also came along. Did some real work, like maybe four or five math questions in like 2 hours. That's not including the amount of time we spent to settle down and stop talking crap. Or gossip, for that matter. This shows that I'm really getting math-rusty, and this calls for MORE practice. *groan* But I really want to take that s paper, which means I must work doubly hard. I can smell dinner from my room, which means that it's almost ready. Good. Oh, and speaking of food, emily is on a diet. Again. Can't blame her, though, coz I'm kinda on a diet too. :P But she's like 46 already, and aiming for 45. I'm like, 52 aiming for 50. She is soooooo light. Sooooo not fair. XP Gotta go. Mon, 12 Sep 2005 13:22:37 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Back-from-school/58/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Back-from-school/58/ Afternoon. Finally. Couldn't wait for the day to pass. Finally finished the pw written report, which was practically brain-draining. But, it was kind of fun when I was doing the contents page with karwai, coz we kept saying lame stuff to each other, and it got lamer and lamer until we finally finished the whole thing. Grand total count of the number of words? 5200+. Okay. At last count it was 5127, but before the biblio was added in. Now, it's usually good to have a lot of words, but in our case, it was TOO many. Bah. But at least now I don't have to look at it anymore. It'll be Mrs. Gan's headache, not mine. :P For a few days, at least. Hmm. Didn't get to have lunch with him . Not that I was planning to have lunch in the first place, but I didn't get spend his two hour break with him, coz he had something on. A meeting with teachers, I think. I don't really know, but I do know one thing. I felt just a tinsy bit of disappointment. Okay, okay. Maybe more than just a tinsy little bit. But, I don't... Mon, 12 Sep 2005 08:12:05 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/1338/57/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/1338/57/ Was supposed to wake up at 2.30 to rush the pw, but it didn't work out, coz I plonked right back onto my bed after switching off the damn alarm clock. It's waaaay too loud, for god's sake. But that's its life-long purpose, to BE loud, so, yeah. stupid alarm clock. I'm supposed to be working on the written report now, but I can't find the correct way of quoting somebody in the wr itself, and how to write the biblio. That's equals to losing part 1 of the wr lecture notes. Bah. I noticed that my ankle has this tendency to swell waaaaay out of proportions, even when I'm not doing anything but sitting. My bro tells me that it's because it's BELOW my heart level, hence the blood gets to flow DOWN to the injured area, and since it is injured, the blood is able to flow out of the vessel and into the injured area (capillaries), and hence, it gets swollen. The only cure, it seems, is to eat that stupid medicine given by the stupid doctor (refer to previous entry), and to raise my leg above heart level. That... Sun, 11 Sep 2005 22:30:53 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/It-s-4.21-in-the-morning/56/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/It-s-4.21-in-the-morning/56/ ...and lazy me. >.< Okay, not really. I did do some work while my mum was still around the house, but now that she's gone to work, here I am, blogging away. *sigh* Tried to edit the main pic for me old site, but I got tired of it. >.< It didn't really work out the way I wanted it to, so I got tired of it. :P Ended up reading fanfics. Was looking for some about Hitsugaya Toshirou and Hinamori Momo (THE best couple in Bleach, imo), but there really isn't any super good ones out there. If only I wasn't so busy with school and my own writing, I would write some. That's an excuse, of course, but still a valid excuse all the same. Ended up with this site that had like 'The best fanfic collection' kinda site, and there was a LOT of Eriol and Tomoyo from CCS. And since that was one of my fav couplings when I was watching the show, I thought I'd read some. Ended up reading lots for like 5 hours or something. >.< Oh, and I spent the morning at the polyclinic. Remind me never to go back... Sun, 11 Sep 2005 07:58:49 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/lazy-sunday/55/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/lazy-sunday/55/ Well, I'll admit one thing. It's a lot less of a hassle if I blog here than to blog on my own site, even though I have the advantage of having control over the design. Me being a design freak and all. :P Oh, are you wondering about the 'owww' above? That's for hurting my ankle while falling down the stairs in school. >.< No worries, it wasn't from the top flight of stairs. And no, I don't have bruises, nor cuts, nor abrasions, just a very sore ankle that the doc says 'might' be fractured, or cracked or something, for it to hurt this much. Hmm. It's really kinda hard to blog freely, especially when I think of all the people I know who might be reading this. But I have to got to get this off my chest, so here goes: I wish he were here. No, he does not refer to the 'he' in May. The 'he' here was someone I got to know in ltc in august. He's a nice guy. A too-nice-to-be-true kinda guy. And no, I'm not going to fill in all the juicy details of the past one month and three days. (heck, I... Fri, 09 Sep 2005 16:23:05 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Owww/54/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Owww/54/ It's been, what, 4 months since I last updated? Hmm. Guess I really got tired of telling the world about my stupid life. :( Well, anyways, I'll be shifting back to my old blog instead of this, mainly because I can't figure out how to change anything here. :P Can't be bothered to struggle with it, either. I'll still post here occasionally, when I feel like it, but it'll all be mainly over the other side. url: http://www.freewebs.com/kerri_chan/ Look out for uploads of my work from the past few months. ;) Thu, 08 Sep 2005 05:21:36 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Long-time-no-update/53/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Long-time-no-update/53/ and the reason for that? 20-05-2005. That was the day that more than 150 couples in Singapore tied the knot. And what was I doing on that day? Going out on a 'sort of' date with him. God...*burys heads in hands* And I only found out today, after going all those newspapers I should have read earlier. :( I'm not particularly sure if he knows about it, but you can be sure that I won't be the one to tell him. The fact that he said he wanted to give us a chance on friday, told me he didn't mind my parents' disapproval as long as I wanted to continue on Saturday, and on Sunday, happily told me that he still couldn't forget her. What's a girl to do in the face of this? This was precisely the reason why I didn't want to let him know in the first place. Because I knew what would happen if things didn't work out. :( I would be -and am- constantly thinking of him. That's not the worst part. The worst is when we meet and I can see the pity in his eyes when he looks at him. That is what I totally hate. I... Fri, 27 May 2005 22:30:27 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/muz-the-densest-person-walk-the-suface-Earth/52/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/muz-the-densest-person-walk-the-suface-Earth/52/ Okay, so the day wasn't so very weird. The camp was insanely useless, but I liked my facilitator, so we went along with whatever it is we were supposed to be doing. I'll admit that I was preoccupied with something - not telling u what - so I couldn't care less. Approaching afternoon, I sort of just shrugged off the melancholy mood and went on with other people. I have to say this, the Lye guy is a total weirdo, and an irritating one at that. He kept saying: Congratulations. You're responsible. It's totally stupid. Okay, I kinda understand the reason for it, but it totally pisses other people - and me - off. It's like, you're congratulating us for making a choice. That's not too bad. It's the 'you're responsible' part that's really irritating. It's like, we're not really sure whether you're trying to be sarcastic or not, so we're not really sure to be pissed off with you or not. It's just so damn insulting lar, even though in a really twisted kind of way, I understand that you're trying to be... Tue, 24 May 2005 15:06:08 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Re-Weird-day-weird-night/51/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Re-Weird-day-weird-night/51/ Mixed feelings. Really mixed. I seem to have an innate ability to like people who already have people they like. Two times already. Damn. Stupid me. Now my mum has nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. Damn. Okay, I am a bit upset. But I'm grateful for friday. And I'm grateful that things didn't drag out. That doesn't stop me from crashing down from seventh heaven. Now even I have nothing to worry about, coz it's impossible. Damn. Stupid me. I feel like burying my head in the sand, dirt or something. Even better, just jump down the building and hope that I die. Damn. I have another year or so to work together with him. Damn. Going to be so awkward. Damn again. Never mind. Sun, 22 May 2005 14:29:06 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/cough/50/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/cough/50/ ...and it ended on a most disturbing note. No, don't think dirty. :P Nothing that's not proper happened. But I'm going waaay too fast. Let's see...That was on Friday. I was supposed to be earlier than usual, so as to hand in the form on time. Then it turned out that I forgot to bring the stupid form which was the reason why I went so early. So I had to rush back home, get the form, and take a taxi to school. Turned out that it didn't matter, since there were so many people there, the teachers didn't notice who was late, and who wasn't. Urmm...then it turns out that I don't have enough money to pay for the deposit. I am so totally klutzy, I don't remember what I brought, and what I didn't. But he was nice enough to overlook it, so I went into the lt 4 with him, supposedly to just listen to the announcements. Then it turned out that it was too much of a bother to try to struggle out of the masses of people to leave the lt, so I just stayed with him for the first hour. Erm, I know I get cold... Sun, 22 May 2005 13:21:15 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/I-just-had-what-I-think-was-my-first-date/49/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/I-just-had-what-I-think-was-my-first-date/49/ What am I suppose to say to, 'If you are expecting anything from, give me some time to settle things first'. Does that imply that he likes me too? For once, I'm glad he doesn't read my blog. It'll be waaay too embarrassing. We'll be going to the supplier tomorrow, to give the design and the deposit. There'll be lots of time for talking. I dunno. My mind is blank, but my heart must certainly isn't. I really dun know what to think anymore. I'm the type of person who like certainty and stability, and right now, my world is rocking on the tip of an iceberg. I really need help. Urrgggghhh! Confusion, confusion. My life is always either proceeding too fast, or too slow. Now it's too fast. And I'm just afraid that it'll slow down too soon.... Thu, 19 May 2005 13:51:33 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/I-dun-know-what-to-think-right-now/48/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/I-dun-know-what-to-think-right-now/48/ ... I confessed to him. :P >.< -.-;;; And over msn too. So... weird. His reaction, I should say, was better than josh's. Eh, well actually, in josh's case, it was a confession at the back of the class. I know, so not romantic, but yah, I was bursting at the seams. So embarrassing. Damn. And then I had to do it again this time. But it was because he told me who he liked (which wasn't me), and he made me promise to tell him if he told me first. So, yah. You get the drift. He took it surprisingly well, moving off the topic super quickly. I don't know...it's hard to get any feeling off him through msn, but ... I'm not really sure how to proceed from here. I'm sure he'll look at me from a different angle, but I didn't really want it to change in the first place. Uncertainty is not really my forte... A bundle of unhappiness has settled into the pits of my stomach, and there's no way to remove it. What should I do now? What should be my next move? Should I act nonchalant? Should I ignore... Thu, 19 May 2005 11:00:49 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Juz-did-the-stupidest-thing-i-could/47/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/Juz-did-the-stupidest-thing-i-could/47/ I just didn't feel like sitting at my com and typing whatever I felt into it. It was beginning to feel like an obligation. Definitely not what I want. Anyways, the chess club ex-co committee is finally out! And I'm the secretary. :P Which suits me perfectly, since I like order so much. :D Hm...the 2.4km run was yesterday, and until today, my legs still hurt. It'll probably continue for the next week or so. So not fun. But I did get an A, way beyond my expectations. And it was because I kept a particular someone in mine. And for the sake of my sanity, blood vessels as well as Kar Wai, I shall not mention his name here. :P I don't know. He's quite different from josh, my previous crush. Let's see...he's difinitely shorter, less muscular, less clever... The list can go on. But there just seem to be a feeling about him I can't shake off, as if we can get along well together. I don't mind his lame jokes too much, I can be pretty lame too, when I'm not busy being nervous. But he's just....actually,... Wed, 18 May 2005 14:31:29 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/It-s-been-quite-a-while/46/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/It-s-been-quite-a-while/46/ even though it ended officially at 2.10. P.E was okay. I have 2As and 3Bs for my NAPHA. Wooohooooo! :D That's like my personal record ever. But it'll be marred by the 2.4km run. I am so not motivated to run. Unless, of course, I'm really pissed with someone, like last week, but it was only slightly better, a difference of about 1/2min. Not that it really mattered. Hm...went back to anderson after school. It's really undergoing serious construction right now. You have to weave through the maze of corridors before you get to the temporary general office. *sigh* I even had to ask directions from the councilors. :P But the classrooms are really bigger. You can have six columns in a classroom and still have space at the side to put your backs. It's so much better than the cramped temporary classrooms of our time. Even though they don't have aircon. :P Hmm...also went to get my specs fixed, and visited the library. I think they juz restocked the shelves, coz I found some pretty new books. :P And brought... Thu, 12 May 2005 13:41:13 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/A-hectic-and-tiring-day/45/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/crazywriter/A-hectic-and-tiring-day/45/