chasing time

Listening to: nothing

Wow my life has changed sooo dramatically over the past 3 months, im in love. proper and for real this time.

 ive met someone, and we instantly clicked. Im not quite sure how it all happend , it just did. And for the first time in my life, someone liked me. ME- for myself, i wasnt trying to be  fake or act like anyone else, he saw me as   i was.

 Ironically when i first met him and we started talking i promised that i wouldnt start to like him in that way, for awkward reasons, We are in a band togehter now. So that was why. he had been in the band about 3 weeks maybe a month.   And we were in a studio recoring our ep. we had been laughing and joking as he had with everyone, but somehow  me and him just seemed to click more. it was when he was in the drum booth and we were making funny faces toeachother was when me and him kinda realised that maybe there was something there. Probably thought at the same time reaally. i just remember looking at him and thinking, "i think i like him" 

I never thought that that thought would be returned to me. We carried on in the studio for a couple day and occupiying ourselfs by playing fifa 06, i dont even like football but i gave him fair competetion which was great!

On the friday i remeber wainting in his car with my borther and him, waitingto collect the cd as they were finishing up editing and mixing. we were just sat listening to music occasionally thinking of conversation whenever it came. I remeber lying in the backseat and him moveing his seat backward to talk to me. Then i had  the oh so legend and funny idea of creating suspicious handprints  on the passenger windows and  back windscreen. which are still there aprently.

 it wasnt untill one day, he was round, we stayed up and talked and talked till 2 in the morning. as he lived quite far away, we decided best if hed stay the night affter watching lee evans, we fell asleep on eachother. all that night he kinda secretly held my hand (as my borhter had been in the room at the time) no one had ever held my hand. ever. I felt hundreds of butterflies in my stomach at the time.As my borther left the room to go to bed, we layed on eachother getting closer again. 
By this time he had put his arm around me  and was really close. my heart was still beating. it was such a nice feeling. everything went out of the window. the logistics and whole situation didnt seem to matter anymore.

i remeber looking up at him, then looking back at the tv, i remeber doing this several times, before he  leaned in and kissed me. it was beautiful, I was sooooo nervous. i hadnt kissed anyone in my entire  life and there i was kissing someone 4 years older than me who was in the same band as me, who really in truth, i kinda hardly knew.  i couldnt belive that someone would want to kiss me.

i remeber feeling his lips on mine.  i was perfectly still but relaxed. after the kiss we looked at eachother, and hugged again. I never really knew what was to come of it. i just thought hed soon regret it in the morning and would be awkward after that moment. but it felt so right. we had made a kinda of bed on the floor afterwards and we soon fell asleep next to eachother.

i remeber the next momrnig and my mum coming into the room looking for my brother. i couldnt feel anyone near me. so i had asumed J had left or  at least woken up. after the door closed i rolled over to find him right over the other side layed quite confortably. he woke up and rolled over to join me.

That night was the halloween party, the band and a few mates were arranged to stay over.including J. he had to go home that morning and about 2hours laterhe came back. i rememeber almost feeling sick, i still had butterflies and i had kept replaying the kiss back in my head over and over.

that day we spent mostly togehter. just talking really. the whole party was just me and him sat on the floor in the corner watching horror films everyone else was in the room too. but hthey didnt really pay much attention to me and J.i remeber holding his had down by the side of us, so it didnt really look like we were holding hands. becuase of course no one else really knew about about us and in all honesty we were exactly yet officially an item. at the end of the night, me and J  decided to go in the other room and sleep on the double bed. 1) becuase it was too crowded in the other room and 2) we just wanted a comfy bed and 3) so we could cuddle and no one ask questions.

that night we kissed again. it was as great as the first. i was still incredibly nervous though. that night we fell asleep togther and it felt so great to roll over during the night and find someone on the other side.

 

it was great. and after 2 months and 2 weeks it still is =]