Searching for the Will to Live

This is the time I feel the serious impact of generation gaps. The people I used to work with were from my generation. We know how to share and care, everything is negotiable.

The people I work with now is of another. Nothing is negotiable. They expect me to give every single minute but they never thought of giving back even a little.

They lack everything from respect, self-discipline to humanity.

I am not complaining. This is how the world has developed. I just want this to serve as a reminder to myself.

 

 

 

This morning I have the pleasure of spending 4 hours up on the 12th floor with an image consultant.

Seeing her was a very fresh change from the people surrounding me day in day out. Here is someone whose job is to care about her personal image and appearance. As I sat there watching her and comparing the people I call my colleagues, I realised that the company has finally come to terms with the fact that all the workers are low in morale.

And as I sat there taking in this new breath of fresh air, I told myself, I want to change. I am sinking in this stinking pit of anguish. I cannot feel my pulse anymore, I cannot feel a thing anymore, I am dead. But I want to revive again.

If I ever declared that I had been through hard times, now I realised that I wasn't serious after all.

Now is the true grinding that I am put under.

I truly appreciate the meaning of happiness now. It is not about money or status or power.

Happiness is to be able to be free, the body is free to move, the mind is free to roam. And I, am a prisoner. I am my own captor, for I cannot make myself leave this prison no matter how hard I try.

I am slowly losing consciousness, walking towards death and decay. Someday I'll weep, but not now. The pain is numbing me, numbing my emotions, numbing my heart.