.......PERVERSE FLATULATION

Feb 16, 2005 at 00:29 o\clock

Forget Cialis and Viagra!

by: brydye

 

 I'd never taken any before; this was all spontaneous and a certain foxy lady gave me a Viagra pill (she was hoping for a full 4 hours worth):

 I didnt have a water wash, and I swallowed it TOO SLOW....

 SO all I got was.....A STIFF NECK!

 

 "Hey, there's Bob!......."    has anyone seen and disliked the 'Enzyte' TV ads?

In them, the fabricated smiles on everyone's faces, and the symbolism of huge phallices are really weird!

 It's a commercial for enlarging one's penis.....

Feb 14, 2005 at 18:00 o\clock

MEN BUYING TAMPONS

by: brydye

Mood: Valentine's Day-ish

When I was in college.....  I had this male buddy who was new to having a live-with girlfriend but was trying to be really harmonious at it...

 So one Sunday, when she was ill and bed-ridden, she asked him to go to the ONE drugstore in our little college town because she was out of tampons, and obviously needed them!

 There was much protest and childish sighing before he agreed to, but Charlie (my buddy) saw secure reinforcement in asking me to accompany him.

 At the Walgreen's we looked and looked in every appropriate aisle, but could NOT find them. Probably out-of-stock. It was Sunday evening and the store was very crowded.

 I urged the timid Charlie to ask someone, but he demurely refused. We proceeded to a check out line anyway.....without the goods.

 With a lengthy parade behind us, we got up to the male cashier. Charlie and I looked at each other - Charlie was beet red.

 So I knew I had to do the asking. I leaned over to whisper quietly in the clerk's ear, asking if they had any "Tampex"......

 But the clerk mistakenly thought I said 'Thumb tacks' , so his too-loud response was:

 "DO WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB, OR BEAT  IN WITH A HAMMER??!!"

 Charlie swooned and dropped; The line of onlookers was confused. We went back without any feminine hygiene products, which ultimately caused their breakup.

Feb 2, 2005 at 03:21 o\clock

GREETINGS, DEAR READERS, LET'S HAVE A DRINK TOGETHER

by: brydye

Mood: inebriated
Listening to: fizzle of my glass

 

 Dear Readers,

 I'm so happy we can share this editorial time together. I have much to say, and to learn too.

  These weblogs are wonderful! We can teach each other, learn things; share information and techniques. And be entertained, too!

  For instance, I'm relaxing after work right now...having a Martini...excuse me a sec.

 Aaahhh...that was good! I drained the glass.

  The "logs" are so wonderful and helpful. And you are too, dear reader. I just don't have enough time in the day to read everyone's weblogs and satiate my thirst for knowledge and entertainment...speaking of thirst, scuse me again.

 Ever have a martini? This one's with lemon peels. So good, so tasty...I've now made myself a pitcher of them, wish you were here to help dirnk few of them.

 where was I? Oh, yes. It's nice to have YOU and these loogs. Some arent that great or funny or interesting, but still somm are good yoknow?

 It would be nice ot be able to meet each other, or some of us getto0gether, know what I mena mean? Hold on a   minute

 I'm having another glassssssss or tootwo. They arere very verry good. THANKSSSzzZZZOU VERRRY MUUUUUUCCCCCCCCHHHHHH as Elvis used tosay.

 this be my THirdd or forth mertine mariatni...martin? I cand dtell now. IT WOUD BE soooo ogood--no greate for some of ussssssh to jee meet each other, woud it? maybne get some young chick to come over now..er mebbe cople ofdem.

SO THElogs aaaaaa you know are not sthat great realy. fact is, kinda stp stupid nd dumb jJSUT like someOF YOU GUYS, yadum asses..inever liked these logs anywya. threy're disgussting....

SOOOOO   KISSMYAZZZZ    AN GOOBYE AND DONT COME OVER, THISwauz the stupppdist thing ever i done.

anoudder thuig..fi ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........

(Apologies to W.C,)

 

Feb 2, 2005 at 02:57 o\clock

...On Racial Bigotry....

by: brydye

Mood: anthropomorphic
Listening to: the plumber clanging the pipes

 

 I hate Rascism & Bigotry! (for the record, I'm caucasian)

 Like M&Ms candy, all colors and races are WONDERFUL and delicious. (And the same on the inside?...)

 Reduce mankind to "common denominators" - according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, ALL of us..black, brown, red, yellow, white, etc...have the basic wants and needs of shelter, food & water, being appreciated... love, recreation, ...and the intense desire for an early Tax refund!

 All it takes is for One to indulge in races and cultures NOT their own, as I have, to appreciate and familiarize oneself with the beauty, benefits, and significance of another's race or culture. I HATE RASCISM AND BIGOTRY!

 Black really is Beautiful! Brown skins are wonderful too! The Yellow race has just as much to offer, as do the Red cultures, and even us whites (although I'm starting to have doubts about some of us 'crackers').

 Everyone should be treated equally as a human being! Abilities, intelligence and other inner strengths can be judged on an individual basis.

 What is MORE beautiful than diversity of Races? and Racial Harmony? I HATE RASCISM & BIGOTRY!!!

 And besides, how can anyone compare a black, brown, yellow, or red person TO A GODDAMM STUPID POLLOCK!!???

                                     

 

Feb 2, 2005 at 02:34 o\clock

DEAR DIARY

by: brydye

Mood: alilomelithic
Listening to: animal sounds

 

 Dear Diary (Jan. 31st),

 Should I ask B. to go out with me? Probably NOT, if she won't even tell me the rest of the letters in her name..

 A strange greenish and milky substance is oozing out of my processor, which is also smoking wildly. Is this a bad sign?

 Electronic machines are smarter than we think--and they are related. Today I kicked my processor when the browser wasn't transitioning...later, when I went to my bank's ATM machine and inserted my card, the screen message appeared: "Are you the guy who kicked that Pentium?" (Whereupon it spit my bank card back out at me, hitting me in the forehead, opening a surgical-like gash which bled profusely)