Weblog of Susan

Sep 2, 2005 at 21:43 o\clock

Another day of Hell in my head......

by: browneyedgirly

Mood: crazy and sad
Listening to: miss me baby

Another day when I could have just not woke up and I would have felt awhole lot better. All I wanna do is think of CS and how I messed up. Why was I so dumb?? DP thinks if I didnt love him I wouldnt have came back but WHY did I really come back??? Was I scared? Scared of him or scared of not having him? When I was sad and we talked on the phone I always felt better. I did miss him. What is the world is wrong with me??? CS said if he took me back he would lose some of his family but he said he didnt care because the ones he would lose didnt matter anyway. And theres baby....what is he really thinking about that??? Does he really wants us or does he just not want DP to have us? OMG, I wanna scream.....I know CS's sister would love to fix him up with someone new and that scares the crap out of me. I love him so much......

Sep 1, 2005 at 21:43 o\clock

Being pregnant.......AGAIN

by: browneyedgirly

Mood: crazy

Being pregnant for the 5th time was a big surprise. It was a shock actually. Now that I am almost 20 weeks and I feel baby moving its not so bad. I dont get sad about her anymore. I wish she was here and we could be together and I could talk to her. I miss having someone to talk to. I am in such a mess. Having to choose between two guys that I care for alot.  Sometimes I think about not picking either one. Just me and my  baby going off and living alone with no men. Maybe Krissy could come too. Its just so hard to pick. Why did all this happen in the first place?? Why did I get pregnant again? My doctor said "everything happens for a reason". Why???