After cooking a Thai red curry, a tomato and corn fritatta, a spicey pumpkin soup, an ordinary meat and three veg for my son, and a low fat pizza for my husband... I was feeling a bit tired.
I was a touch disappointed that I did not get to make the cupcakes for my son.. but shall do that on Sunday morning.
I don't know why, but sometimes I am really in the mood to cook. I also wanted to do a vegetable ravioli and an Indian chicken curry but they will have to wait.
Oh.... don't think I eat it all. I just put it in little freezer bags so that I don't have to cook during the week. I feel like I have some semblance of control over my life if I do things this way.
Yesterday was the anniversary of my fathers untimely death. I went to mum's house and we drank one of his nice wines from his collection. He would have been glad that we did that. Weirdly, it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Mum and I coped pretty well together. To be honest, I find it very hard to listen to Mum's pain. I mean, I do it..... but it really hurts, to listen to her 'hurt'.
I began thinking about my mother and her mother.... Phyllis, my grandmother is still alive. she is about 93. She married a man called Alfred Clarence but everyone called him Jack or John. (I believe it is an Australian thing)
Anyway, reading between the lines, my very Christian grandmother fell pregnant to him and had to get married..... But they were not a match. Actually, they did not like each other at all. (Sad really. - at least today, it would be no big deal to divorce.)
When I was chatting to my Mum she disclosed that he used to drink and become violent. I found it hard to belive. It pissed me off.
Then I asked Mum why Nanny didn't leave my grandfather (knowing that social codes at the time did not really allow for it). My mum informed me that she did leave him. I looked shocked.
My mother had tears in her eyes. It happened when my mum was about 8 yrs old. They went back to live with Nan (my great grandmother). But my mother was pretty upset. So my grandmother asked my mother what she wanted. My mum said that she wanted to move back home.
So, I am sure my grandmother moved with trepedatious steps.... packed their bags and moved back home.
Sadly, my mother remembers this. Unfortunately, my grandmother, never again left my grandfather. She lived unhappily ever after... well, until he died in 1986.
Actually, she has not been happy ever since. The whole rotten marriage destroyed her soul. I think my mum still feels like she missed the chance to save her mother.
When Alfred Clarence died, my mother did not shed a tear. She could not wait for the funeral to finish and then she took my Nanny out shopping for a whole new furniture set up for her home.
My mother never liked her father. He was loud, pushy and annoying to her. She lives with the fact that she denied her mother freedom.
I guess I was just pondering the fact that family issues follow us. and sometimes they make impacts that are invisible most of the time.
genetic memories. curse?
