meaningless insights

Mood: wired
Listening to: the fish tank bubbling

3:30 am and I am wide awake.

I usually sleep really well, but here I am. Every now and then I have a night like this. It is like I never worry about stuff and then I have this one 'awake' night of anxiety. I usually worry about work. I stll have one week of holidays, so I do have time to get all my jobs done.

I always end up working throughout my holidays. I just cant help myself. It is work, but also a hobby. People think I am a touch crazy, but that is fine by me. The only thing that haunts me is when Dad was dying he said something about work to me...

He said something like.... work should only be a part of you life..not all of it.. life has to come first. He said it much more poetically than that but that was the essence of the message.

But I just can't help myself. So I think I will finish my powerpoint presentation and try for some more sleep.

That reminds me - I must remember to write about my sons new pets - two fish - I did not realise I would get so much pleasure out of watching them fan their tails around that tank. It is so gentle to watch. I just love them ... but I must write down the story of their names .. next entry...

 

Mood: confused
Listening to: the heater blowing

Holy Crap! I actually went for a walk today. It has been such a long time since I have done that 'exercise' thing. Although, I must add, it was kind of ok.

Just did 2 kilometers... so I cannot brag too much. But hey, it is a beginning. I am hoping I have the tenacity to do it again tomorrow.

I worry about how tired I am. At the moment my head is so heavy. Bones in my back ache. BUT i think a good dose of healthy walking could cure it all.

Well, that thought is all the faith I have for tomorrow. I do want to feel well again. Heavens forbid if I can fit into all my favourite clothes again. .....slow down... I think I better take this one step at a time. I can't begin to think about all my smaller clothes at this stage.

It is ridiculous to watch myself battle against all these demons... nevertheless, I find myself trying.

Time, yet again, will tell,

And to anyone reading this...... have a gloriously wicked day! ;)

 

Mood: floating
Listening to: Dianna Krall in Paris - jazz supreme

Well, tonight I have been pondering the idea of 'inner peace'. I don't have it very often.... although I always feel confident that it is not too far away.  Now that I am on holidays I am beginning to feel it again. (That is not to say that I love my work... I live for it... I am married to my job) But a little break is soooo bloody wonderful!

Just that time out of life. Sleeping in an extra two hours. What bliss, what rapture, what sublime wonderfulness!

So, I guess that feeling on inner peace is just the idea that I don't have to meet deadlines and timetables and other such stuff.

It is totally delightful and delishfully perfect. I am going outside to look at the garden under the moon and have a cigarette ( i no i no- I should not smoke) But nevertheless - I am going to enjoy the now! I don't enjoy the 'now' often enough.

To anyone reading this....... I hope that you have a delightful day/night as well!!

Peace, love and low GI food!

XXXXX