Wondering
Mood: tired
Listening to: the wind outside
It has been so long since I have written here. I have not done so cause I really cannot stand the thought of writing down what is swimming in my mind.
Things are still quite tough. I have to spend time with my grieving mother. People don't seem to understand what I have been through, so I don't bother talking. I hate boring people.
I am still drinking way too much.
Work is not proving as rewarding lately. Actually, I am most disatisified with it. I have never felt this way about my career.Usually I love it. I imagine this is because I have a strong sense of justice. This is one thing that is lacking in my workplace.
My boss has no idea about how to judge her colleagues. She lets the wrong people feed her information. She actually listens. How fucking stupid. When I am in charge, I will not do that. It is really bad to cut yourself off from the sane workers. One thing about my job is that I have always learned about how to do the job well, by tolerating really weak bosses. A friend told me that was learning in the negative. Maybe it is the best way to learn. It has helped me so far.
I am on holidays soon, however this proves depressing as I have so much work to do in order to prepare for next year. It sucks that I do not get overtime.
I will put this in writing now.... In the holidays I really want to take a rest from the alcohol....get fit again... and fit back into my clothes. I hope I work towards this. My self discipline can be so strong at times. Then it can spiral out of control. I wonder if it is due to my fatal flaws or just sheer stupidity. I will ponder that later.
One thing I do hope for is peace, globally, ethnically and environmentally. All those things are out of my control- damn it. I hate things being out of my control....
must go.
