Don't you wish you were British?

Mood: Sour
Listening to: Hate chants in my head. Cheerful, yes?

Blogigo is evil. Hate to say it...but I just spent the better part of the hour writing about my woes, and it kicked me out. Right now, it is officially on the evil list.

Mood: Cheery
Listening to: STD, not sure what song

Posted June 8, 2005

In a better mood today than yesterday. I called my Ag. teacher last night, just to figure out what the heck was going on, but I ended up leaving a voice mail. Pooponbread. I don't think he'll get back with me any time soon, and our current president is at Murray State, so how am I supposed to get acclamated (sp?) on camp and crap? That's what I should've named this entry. "Camp and CRAP!" Lol.

So, the reason for my sunnier mood. I've found a way to keep myself totally occupied, w/o a doubt. Work. Farm work. I'm not sure which side of the family gave me that philosophy, but there's a lot to be found at work. I remember when I was volunteering at my Mom's vet clinic last Friday...one of the assistants commented, "Oh, you must be the crazy one who actually likes work," in an undertone. Well yes, I may like work, but I'm not really crazy. I don't believe it's the work I enjoy, tho there's happiness to be found there. It's the results. I love looking out on our two-acres of grass after I've finished mowing it (w/ a push mower, no less, these ppl have me brainwashed). I can appreciate how each row stays straight, and the art to the smoothness of our land. V nice. But I'm also happy when I've got work next to mowing grass. Like yesterday. This summer, I want to stay productive. I don't want to waste it. But my parents have yet to agree to let me volunteer at a horse stable (my DREAM! I am a simpleton), or volunteering at the library. I have a leash. I understand that, tho I have yet to like it. So I do what they want me to do. I volunteer at Pets Plus. I mow grass. In addition to those two things, I clean what feels like a mania at our house, then I trek over to Nick and Kim's for yard work. Yesterday I pulled out a thick growth of poke weed that had park itself in front of the barn; that took a while. I helped Nick and Kim haul stuff out to the van for when they took off to the airport, and in the arvo, I cleaned up the barn so it was useable. I brushed Copper (our dog) till I had his fur reverse direction (that was a LOT of hair), and then I gave him a bath. I want so BADLY to stay productive. To feel like I'm WORTH something; I'm worth knowing. I dunno. I can't get that sastified feeling w/o working. And a slice of myself wants to be admired for her hard work. I guess I am crazy. So afer N & K come back from their trip, I'll weed along the fenceline, clean out Copper's pen, do LOTS of fencework, weed around the barn, find a place for my watermelons, and possibly wash a few cars. This is only over at Nick and Kim's. I like to keep productive, for sure. I'm not sure if it's enough. It just doesn't FEEL like it, which is really nutters.

Cheers, StarrGurl

Mood: Another Word for Down
Listening to: Travis Tritt

Posted June 7, 2005

The cheerful, chirpy, always humorous StarrGurl you Blogigo friends have come to known is getting ready to book out. She's...I want to say sick of being so friendly...but I'm really just sick of things not going my way. It's me, throwing a tantrum. But it just has become apparent that things are collapsing quickly on me. Badly. I feel like screaming and all sorts of wild things. I've been a good girl! So careful to toe the line, to help out, to be the best person I thot I could be. And yet...life is hear to slap me out of that mentality, to throw many obstacles at me. Nice. Am I not a good person? (That's a question that only I can answer. Pooponbread.) You know...since school let out, I've tried to keep in contact with friends. I mean, I love my parents and the adults I come into contact with daily, but their humor is a horse of different color. You just need juevenile stuff, so I go to my friends. I've had things that I find funny that they'd appreciate happening to me lately. But it wasn't meant to be. Phone disconnected. "She'll call you back tomorrow, Allison." I can tell that message was heard well! My name isn't Allison! Idiots! Email address changed. OK. Their loss, right? I had a nice focus on FFA Camp, that'd be when I'd be welcomed back by friends, heralded. Not if Fate has a say in it. Mr. Stephens, my Ag teacher whom everyone loves and adores, he's leaving. Booking out to a different county, a different, better FFA Chapter. I feel like all of my plans to "revive" our current one, my hopes for an excellent year, are getting turned into cinders and ash. If there is no Stephens, the Seneca FFA Chapter may as well call it quits. Everyone who matters, our new President, all of the officers, are going to leave. And Seneca, my high school, practically shoved Mr. Stephens out the door. A stuffed shirt from PRP is coming in to replace him. And there's rumors that she heavily changed the PRP FFA Chapter; ruined it. There isn't much to ruin nemore, I guess. So I don't know what's going to happen with the FFA. I'm going to give it a chance. I can spare a month or so, less, b4 I decide to change schools. Seneca's getting a new principal, and our biggest advocate for the Liberal Arts (this awesum program at Seneca) is retiring, so what's holding me back? Just hope. I mean...maybe my plans could still work. But I need support. I can't get all everyone in our FFA Chapter to run away. I think we could pull it off. I just wish...Mr. Stephens would've stuck it out one more year, for me. But that's crazy; I was just an idiot savant of a student.

Summer so far has been alright, up to the newest obstacle. I went up to my Grandfather's with my Mum and Lindsay, to pick up Mum's possessions (Grandpa died in October of 2004). We drove a Penske truck up there...MY was that interesting. Mum had air shocks in her seat, you can imagine the bouncing she did over bumps. Endless laffter. I find it difficult to think of that now...that's stupid. Maybe in my next entry I'll go into more detail. This past weekend I was able to go to Nolin Lake with friend for a "Ya-Ya Weekend" with Kim, the motherly figure in my life when my real Mom is working. That was loads of fun...but still distant. And I'm sorry for everyone who was enjoying my party story. It feels like that was a mil-bil years ago. I'll continue it another time. Promise.

Kudos,

StarrGurl