Mood: Rather sleepy and thoughtful
Listening to: My lil sister's iPod--Interpol, "Slow Hands"
I'm not quite with it today, methinks. It's the first day of winter break and I have absolutely nothing going on. The rest of my family is out golfing and I'm...at the library. I'm thinking "accidentally," but you can never accidentally end up somewhere. I didn't know that my whole family, all six of them, were going to go golfing. I wanted to get to the library today. Three books were due with no renewals left, for Chrissakes, and weren't my parents harping on about no more fines, ever? (Haha, not quite like that...But very close.) So anyways, when I asked my mum if I could go to the library today, she said, "What about golfing?" My answer was, "Well, I'd like to go, but not for sport, just for company." She asked, "Would you rather go to the library?" I told her yes, so here I am. I thot perhaps one of them might stay behind, but no. Lol. I don't know how to feel--a bit left out, yes, but it wasn't an action for the Teenage Independence Movement. I came up with that organisation today. It's not serious, thankfully, but for every movie I see w/o supervision (that would amount to two), I'll account it to T.I.M.
Yesterday I found out something horrible had happened. When Mom and another one of my family members come over to the house I share with Mom, Sis, a few cats and myself, I always block up the bottom of the door, so I can get some sleep and not see light. It's wishful thinking, trying to block the noise out, so sometimes I'll grab a CD player from another in the house and leave the Beatles in there so I have a distraction. But tonight I had put a CD I hadn't heard before--Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Fever to Tell. That was such a mistake! A friend of mine had burned it for me, and Mum didn't know I had it...So in the middle of the night, she comes into my room and takes the CD player, complete with forbidden CD inside. Being as I've tried to come clean lately, I decided to ask the family member we had over if they had enjoyed the CD, and he answered, "We didn't listen to it. In fact, your mom threw it away. Something about being more honest ith us." As you can imagine, I twigged. In my defense, Mum had listened to, whether she had caught snatches of music from my room or if I had been listening to it in the basement or something, most of my "forbidden" music, even if I hadn't told her it was the forbidden sort ppl had burned for me. But it turns out she hadn't thrown it away--she just hid it in her purse. I found this out b/c I asked if she had enjoyed the CD, and followed up by pointing out, "Hey, you've heard all of my CDs. I don't have a huge, hidden collection anymore." Oh well. Thank God I got it back. I didn't show all my CDs to her, as was recommended by the family member, but they're all out in the open. They have been since August. September. Whenever I got busted for a bunch of things.
Mum and I have been butting heads a lot recently. We're either the best of friends, when she isn't bugging me about opening up to her and I can get away with giving her the barest headlines of my day. As you can see, I do feel rather guilty for being so much trouble, but she thinks I'm just a nuisance. Maybe she's finally figured it out that there really ISN'T anything going on in my life worth note. She knows all of my romantic wishes, which is all they will ever be, it seems. She knows about when I'm arguing with friends, my academic troubles, the stuff going on within our family. You know what? There isn't much meaning to my life outside that sort of thing. I don't tell her about what I THINK about, which prolly bugs the hell out of her. I ought to. But if I don't share that with anybody...When am I obligated to share it with her? Nah. Hmm.