A "trial-marriage"
Love and Marriage
A "trial-marriage"
includes a sexual relationship, without any question. Young people reproach the Church and those who share her position with hypocrisy: as if many parents and grandparents had not also "tried it" prior to marriage. They maintain that the almost neurotic fixation on sexuality, its overvaluation on the one hand and idealization and taboo status on the other proves how unrealistic the conjugal morals of the Church really are.
These are harsh reproaches and, admittedly, hurt the Church badly. We will try now to explain the Church's position and ask for understanding. No institution concerned about the welfare of the people entrusted to it will take these questions lightly. It is obvious that parents and older people are more conservative than young persons in these matters. Life experience has taught them (often painfully) how readily people deceive themselves and others, and that egoism and indolence are easier than commitment and responsibility.
Young people are usually more open, optimistic and self-confident and act in good faith in their relationship with others. They do not understand the "old people" who seem to them to be "distrustful and pessimistic". On the other hand, young people are also realistic and they know that there are risks, dangers and painful disappointments. They realize that betrayal and dishonesty before they are officially married hurts as much as after and is equally unacceptable.
Morals, truth, human happiness, what is good and right - these questions cannot simply be reduced to the question: "marriage - or not?" A critical test should be applied not only to Christian values, but also to alternative, "modern" lifestyles. We think that it is not only "the Church" which questions the motives behind the decision to not get married or not have children yet. What kind of expectations and fears, what type of self-image lies behind the desire to secure a happy relationship through a test period?
Doing something on a trial basis is different from doing it permanently. It implies reservation, a chance to bail out. Does this conform to human nature? Love - at least in its ideal form - does not know this provision. No one knows this better than the person who loves and this is exactly what makes people "infinitely" vulnerable. Love hits right into the heart and touches the center of a human being. When we say that a happy love can be "heaven on earth", but the "whole world collapses" if love fails, this is more than just an image. A love relationship belongs to those experiences in which everything is at stake. From a Christian perspective, this "everything" relates to God.
This is the reason why the Church sees conjugal love and faith in God tied to each other insolubly. Therefore, she cannot deal with these questions in the light way that many people would want her to.

