....faith and life....life and faces

Love and Marriage

A "trial-marriage" 

includes a sexual relationship, without any question. Young people reproach the Church and those who share her position with hypocrisy:  as if many  parents  and grandparents had not also  "tried it"  prior  to  marriage.  They  maintain  that the almost neurotic fixation on sexuality, its overvaluation on the one hand and  idealization and taboo status on the other proves how  unrealistic  the  conjugal morals of the Church really are.

These are harsh reproaches and,  admittedly,  hurt the Church badly. We will try now to explain the Church's position and ask for understanding. No institution concerned about the welfare of the people entrusted to it will take  these questions lightly.  It is obvious that parents and older people are more conservative than young persons in  these matters. Life experience has taught them (often painfully) how readily people deceive themselves and others, and that egoism and indolence are easier than commitment and responsibility. 

Young people are usually more open, optimistic and self-confident and act in good faith in their relationship with others. They do not understand the "old people" who seem to them to be  "distrustful and pessimistic". On the other hand,  young people are also realistic and they know that there are risks, dangers and painful disappointments. They realize that betrayal and dishonesty before they are officially married hurts as much as after and is equally unacceptable.

Morals, truth, human happiness, what is good and right - these questions cannot simply be reduced to the question: "marriage - or not?" A  critical test should be applied not only to Christian values, but also to alternative, "modern" lifestyles.  We think that it is not only "the Church" which questions the motives behind the decision to not get married or not have children yet. What kind of expectations and fears, what type of self-image lies  behind the desire to secure a happy relationship through a test period?

Doing something on a trial basis is different from doing it permanently. It implies reservation, a chance to bail out. Does this conform to human nature? Love - at least in its ideal form - does not know this provision. No one knows this better than the person who loves and this is exactly what makes people "infinitely" vulnerable. Love hits right into the heart and touches the center of a human being. When we say that a happy love can be "heaven on earth", but the "whole world collapses"  if love fails,  this is more than just an image. A love relationship belongs  to  those experiences in which everything is at stake.  From a  Christian perspective, this "everything" relates to God.

This is the reason why the Church sees conjugal love and faith in God tied to each other insolubly. Therefore, she cannot deal with these questions in the light way that many people would want her to.

Love and Marriage

Changing conceptions

For most people,  marriage and family  remain life goals, despite the increasing number of single people and changing ideas.  The Catholic  Church is considered by some to have missed the "new orientation" and to adhere to old and outdated values and norms.  Some people support the position of the Church, while others react aggressively and  with  rage  because they cannot and do not want to adopt the attitude of the Church in their lives.

Delicate questions

According to a Rome news report dated January 29, 1991,  Pope John Paul II emphasized the Catholic view regarding matrimony in an address to the Church marriage court. He deplored the fact that in wealthy, consumption-oriented Western countries respect for  Holy Matrimony  is absent.  Because  desire and pleasure are overvalued, "free love" is practiced increasingly and is "leading to the evil of divorce."

The Pope mentioned certain African customs and spoke out clearly against polygamy, as well as "trial-marriages" (to find out whether a woman is able to conceive, etc.) He said  that all of this is "absolutely unacceptable" to the Church.  In his address, he stressed the values of free choice of partners and equality of rights for men and women....

With these few words,  which are not the private opinion of the Pope but the valid  official  teachings  of the  Catholic  Church,  he touched on almost everything that upsets so many people regarding the Church's position on marriage. It is  Catholic  belief  that  marriage is indissoluble, and for this reason, remarriage is impossible.

Statistics show that in 38% of newlywed couples at least one spouse was divorced. Divorce figures are rising and include a corresponding number of Catholics. At the same time, we find a dramatic increase in couples who live together without bothering to get married. - Under these circumstances, how realistic is the position of the  Church?  Should  she  be  influenced by these numbers?

Fewer and fewer people are able to adopt the position of the Church. They feel misunderstood and rejected, even discriminated against. Words like "trial marriage", "free love" or "overvaluation of desire and pleasure" just add to the indignation. "Trial-marriage" sounds like "the right to return". This hurts many people who want to get to know  each other well under the real conditions of living together in order to test the durability of the lifelong bond they envision.