Mundanity

Wakes me at 5.30am wanting either food or to go out.  He ended up inside overnight, dammit.  Now he's miaowing again for food.  Greedy bastard.  He should go and catch some mice.  He's taking out his impatience on the furniture...

I guess I should feed him, stupid cat.

So I actually remembered to take my camera this morning, but it's too late now.  The low sun is low no more.  The sun's too high.  Gone are those long shadows and delicate spotlighting.  I won't see those again in the morning until autumn now.  Makes me appreciate those moments of beauty even more. 

The swans were in the pond this morning.  I crossed the bridge and looked down on them all.  One of the adults saw me and turned back warning me off their half-grown cygnets.  I smiled and walked on.  Some bastards have thrown plastic bags and bottles into the pond, destroying the serenity.

I hate people.  They're a curse on the earth.

I get addicted when I have stuff I should be doing.  I'll drink some coffee and just keep going - trying to improve the stats.  Then I get pissed off when I lose so I have to start another one to get the stats back up.

From coffee to wine...

Just one more game...

Mood: sodden

Rain.  Grey skies.  I can handle a day or two, but more than that and it depresses me.  It takes away the delight I feel in seeing beauty spotlighted by low sun.  The long shadows of trees on rolling hills, glistening halos, the colourful sky itself.  I can't see the beauty in constant grey and wet.  The wet doesn't shine without the sun.

The cygnets are growing.  They're losing their grey down and are becoming black.  They've grown so quickly.  Meanwhile, I caught a glimpse of a duck with about 10 little ducklings swimming after her.

I had meant to update earlier, but my mood swallowed what I was going to say.

Mood: frozen
Listening to: Crystal Method

Winter has come, but it's too late.  It's supposed to be spring.  So back out come the winter woollies and heaters stay on.  We were fooled into thinking the warm, sunny  weather would continue and started looking forward to summer.  Hah.  Nature has other ideas -  Don't start getting cocky - I'm still boss.

Mood: bored
Listening to: evanescence

Sometimes my life feels like this:

I'm here in this watery 'tunnel' and I can see the promise of a beautiful world beyond, but I just can't make it and the waves keep crashing in to prevent me reaching the end.

I took this picture one summer at Piha near Auckland.  Great place to reflect on life and just relax.

I know I'm bored - I've just eaten a quarter of a packet of 'Golden Fruit' and consumed another cup of coffee.

Motivation eludes me.

Mood: Elated
Listening to: Eisbrecher

This Tuborg pilsner beer is rather nice - Danish.  Yeah, very drinkable.

Goes well with Eisbrecher.  I need some more of their music.  Ah, peace and quiet - time alone to turn up MY music and sit back and relax.  Plenty to be done but pah, let it wait.  I'm in a procrastinating mood.

The clock ticks and I don't care. 

A moth fluttered around inside my car.  Eventually it settled on the window so I opened it a bit.  It headed up towards the opening, then, feeling the cold, swift air it flattened its body against the glass.  Flicking my eyes between the road and the moth, I lowered the window further - right down, in fact, and it disappeared. 

Quite a few birds singing this morning.  I walked past an open shed and the birdsong echoed inside.  It would have been deafening in there.

Some of the lambs are growing up - ie getting fat and boring.  The smaller ones still stick together, play together and interact with each other.  I saw a couple sniffing each other as I zoomed past in the car (well not zoom exactly, not with the price of petrol it is now).  Pity they have to grow up.

Cows, on the other hand - they're interesting.  They're curious.  They watch you.  A group of cows watched another group of cows head over to a fence and that group of cows looked over the fence to look at a cow and calf.  I love the way they seem interested in everything...

I was struck at the number of webs in trees at my bro's place - they glistened with dew in the sun - practical works of art, spun each night.  I should have taken a photo, but didn't.  I should learn to keep a camera in the car.

So, I'm back - to civilisation.

Spent a couple of nights at my bro's place.  He really does live in the middle of nowhere.  The house is in a small valley and every morning (well, two) a cold mist covers the valley floor.  It was freezing there.  Then the mist rose and the sun broke through heating it up pretty quickly.

Sat out on the deck and just listened to the sounds.  Sheep baaing, cows mooing, all number of birds cheeping and singing, a rooster crowing, quail calling.  It was damned noisy, I tell you!  I could imagine how the world used to sound like before man introduced all his noisy toys.

OK house, but I felt oppressed surrounded by those hills and mist.  I like to see the horizon, the promise and hope of another world out there beyond my sight.

Nice to be home in my quiet little corner of the planet.

I'm heading off this afternoon to my brother's place in the middle of nowhere.  Probably be dark by the time I reach there.  They have no computer/TV/couch, etc yet.  Still waiting for their furniture.  So I'll be back in a couple of days.

Mood: weird
Listening to: clock ticks

I often 'zone out'.  I just sit and let thoughts and emotions wash over me.

A friend of mine thinks I should write a book and even suggested a (brilliant) title.  But, any book I wrote would have no point to it.  No story.  Like my life.  Who would want a book of random thoughts?  Eh.  It's worth a thought, maybe.  I could collect previous entries in blogs, poems, etc and put them together. Then again, no.  Some of it is just... well... nothing.

The clock ticks as the minute hand moves.  It's slow today.  The sun beckons and I'm tired.  I could happily escape out the window, go home and fall asleep in the sun.

Mood: Tired, like I said
Listening to: Dog, eating

No observations to make today.  Love watching the lambs as I drive to work - they're so cute for such a short time.

Drinking beer...

Found new blog - funny poll.  More competition in the land of the boring blog.

Mood: weird
Listening to: nothing

Not motivated to do anything.  Got started on an assignment but didn't do a great deal.

Had a bath by candlelight last night - first time in months.  Wrong music was playing though - wasn't exactly relaxing.  Oh well.  But I lay there and just was.  I noted the way the light played on my hand - the candlelight sparkling on the droplets - tiny moments of beauty...

Today I spent a lot of time trying to get rid of spyware and viruses.  Scanning with all sorts of programs never seems to get rid of them.  Tried the registry cleaner I had, but couldn't understand how to use it or didn't know what I had to do.  I should have checked before uninstalling it anyway, because I can't seem to find a free one that is user-friendly.  I hate those try and buy things - one of them only allowed for repairing 6 faults.  What's the point if you've got 50?  I can't afford to buy anything right now, least of all a piece of programming.  Sick computers are such timewasters.  There's still crap on here I know.  It's running slowly and browsers crash occasionally.  Such a pain.  And it'd been trouble-free for months.  Perhaps the visitors used the web and allowed some shit to install or download.  More than likely.  It was fine one day and crap the next while they were here.  Not blaming them, but still...

Ooh, pretty long entry for me.  The weird mood continues.  I wonder when I'll snap out of it.

Mood: tipsy
Listening to: Fear Factory

Love it.  It can take me to amazing heights or comfort me when I'm deep in my depths.  It lets me know that I'm not the only one to experience all this.  Others have and have been lucky enough to express it all in music.  Gives me time to reflect.

I'm currently eating garlic bread, and it has to be about the worst commercial garlic bread I've ever bought.  I'm not quite sure what the garlicy stuff is, but it's not butter.  It's nasty, in fact.  Even washing it down with red wine, doesn't get rid of the 'ugh' factor.  *Gives to dog*.  Poor dog.  But she seems to enjoy it.  Or is that licking her chops a doggy 'ugh'?  She didn't seem so eager for the second piece.

As usual, there is nothing on TV.  I visited a video store yesterday, but couldn't find anything that caught my attention 'here pick me! I'm exciting! I'm really funny!'.  Most of it was titles I'd never heard of.  I seem to be having a difficult time typing correctly.  Having to go back and correct my typos.  At least I'm sobre enough to realise I made them.

Ants are insistent bastards.  Just my thought for today.

Mood: pensive
Listening to: Eisbrecher

Visitors have gone.  Went for a drink after work with workmates.  Had a bite to eat.  The boss was in the RSA down the road so we had another drink with her (she was tipsy already) then made my excuses and left for home.  All quiet.  The dog blobbed beside me.  I can breathe.  There's nothing quite like heading home to some peace and quiet.  Time is mine.

Quiet online too.  There was a time when I was often in the chatroom.  Now I rarely bother.  Is it me that's changed?  Or have the people in there changed?  I get bored sooner.  The virtual world is never better than the real world, regardless of how lonely it is.  Unless I make a real connection, it's not worth sitting at the computer looking for.. what exactly?  Exactly that I suppose.  A connection.  The trouble with online friendships is that they're so tenuous.  You can meet someone and have wonderful conversations, but real life takes over sooner or later and you're lost to each other.  Gone as easily and as quickly as you met.  It's a treasure and a trap.

in small, almost impercetible, ways. 

Felt a little down coming to work - the 'hangover' from yesterday's anger?  As if personifying my mood thick grey cloud crept over the sky like a big woollen blanket, about to shut out the light.

Got to work to find my free carpark is now reserved for authorised users.  Great.  Now I have to park further away on a hilly 'gravel pit'.  Soon they'll be charging money for that one too.  Then I'll have to catch a bus from somewhere in town.  And so I'll be here later and have less time.

Time to go.