All The Small Things

Watching Oprah today, and it was the episode with Pink talking about women and the stupid ways that we behave in today's society.

Something was said that really reasonated with me, not sure why.

"We have to teach our young women that it is OK to be pretty and smart. You can be both."

YOU CAN BE BOTH.

I wonder what it is that makes us as women choose one or the other? I know that it is something that I'm probably guilty of.

At a young age, I was labelled as the smart one. My sisters were the pretty one and the funny one respectively.

I have a total lack of respect, and often an inability to recognise, my own attractiveness. If someone gives me a compliment, I either brush it aside immediately, or if I know them better, tell them off for making fun of me.

I often feel that the person giving me a compliment is making fun of me.

Which is interesting, because from an intellectual point of view, if you recieve the same compliment from several people who don't know each other, then chances are that the compliments are not the result of a conspiricy to mock you. Rather, chances are that the thing that these unrelated people are commenting on is something genuinely pleasing about you.

Also interesting, I am happy to stand and proclaim that I am an intelligent woman. Should someone compliment me on my intelligence, I am happy to graciously accept their compliment. It wouldn't occur to me to tell someone off for that.

I wonder why I cannot accept that I CAN BE BOTH.

 

In a potentially related conversation that I had with my meditation leader on Friday, discussing the whole Mr. D. and Nicky situation, she also said something that just reasonated with me.

"Sounds like you've given up your power."

There was a time when I stood tall, didn't doubt myself, knew that I was a beautiful, intelligent, joyful, powerful woman. That I was the one in charge of how I experienced my life.

It lasted about ten minutes, but my oh my was it blissful.

I would really like to recapture that feeling. Especially now. I know that I would be able to deal better with the stuff that is happening at the moment if I was feeling that secure in myself again.

So this is my mission for the week, based on the theories that:

a) What you focus on expands

b) Positive thoughts breed positive experiences

c) Fake it till you make it baby!

I will:

Breathe

Stand tall

Smile

When asked how I am: I am fantastic.

Breathe

Sing

Laugh

Cry at more appropriate moments

Breathe

and this is the hard one: Accept Help When It Is Offered.

 

I do have the most incredible crew of friends, and they are all there to support me if I can get past my stubborn stupid independence and let them. Accepting support is not a declaration of incompetence.

 

I also wonder if a person can change the person that they intrinsically are? I had a conversation with my Dad yesterday. He said that I really have to stop going through life thinking that everyone is a good person. That I'm too naive for my own good, and that if I didn't get a clue soon that I'd get screwed over. The conversation went on for some time in this vein. Basically, he thinks I have been travelling through life thus far completely deluded as to the nature of people, and the nature of life itself.

I don't know.

I AM surprised when people that I trust betray me.

I DO trust nearly everyone that I meet, or that comes into my life, unless they prove themselves unworthy of such trust.

I DO expect that other people will behave towards me with the same respect and kindness I show them.

I DO try to see the best in people.

And yes, lately I do seem to be getting screwed over with alarmingly monotonous regularity.

But I don't feel a huge desire to change my perception of the world. Sure it sucks when things start to go pear shaped. It hurts when people that you trust betray you, or behave in a manner that is hurtful to you personally.

I believe that the world is a wonderful place. I believe that people ARE inherently good. I love my rose coloured glasses. I'm not taking them off.

I think I'd rather live in a world that occasionally blindsides me with a single horrible incident, than in a world where I am constantly focussing on the negative or unpleasant aspects of those around me, and the events that impact me.

 

I know that I quite often have a sooky la la on this blog, but in real life, I'm a pretty upbeat sort of chicken. And I fully intend on staying this way.