Raining
Mood: Sad
Rain today, making me feel ever-so-slightly melancholy.
Don't really know why.
Perhaps I am just having a little bit of a burnout day, after the full on and awesome nature of my weekend.
Perhaps it has more to do with the packing up I've been doing over the last two days. I'm putting Nicky's baby clothes away. Don't really know why I'm putting them away, it's not like I'm going to have another baby any time soon, and really I don't have the room to store the clothes, toys etc. But I can't bring myself to part with them. Some things are easy, off they go to St. Vincent de Paul. Other things, it just makes me sad to see them.
Because of Mr D. The memories of the clothes, we bought them together, or he liked her in that set, or we went to the park / party / had a special occasion together when she wore that particular thing.
Does make me feel rather sad to think that if I did have another child, it wouldn't be the same. There wouldn't be any sharing of memories when we unpacked the clothes. Mr D. wouldn't be part of that. It wouldn't be a full sister or brother for Nicky.
I know that I am lucky to have such a good relationship with Mr D., but at the same time, I can't help but wish things had ended differently. Or not ended as the case may be.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that we should be together, or that I would want to be with him again, just that I am recognising the extent of the loss, for me, and for Nicky, now that it is over between us.
It makes me sad.
It makes me want to make better decisions in the future.
