All The Small Things

Mood: Arrogant (after 11pm!)
Listening to: All the Small Things

Before I do anything else… I must congratulate my best mate Tink on her triumphs at the Hockey tournament. I always knew you were Gold Medal material, and now you have the proof! What say you – next time you visit our fair home city you can wear your Medal, and I shall pretend to be paparazzi, seeking your autograph!. Go Tink Go!!! *Waves Pom-Poms, kicks legs, pigtails flying*

 

On to other news…

 

Well, my visitor has been and gone, and I believe a good time was had by all parties involved. As this particular visitor has pointed out to me that certain people were expecting this to be “long distance booty call” (Tink – please restrain that man!) I shall endeavour to keep this account clean and pure, and buff some of the tarnish that has apparently attached itself to my previously spotless reputation.

 

Or perhaps I should just continue to write as I have been writing? For me and me alone? Yes, I think I shall choose the latter. After all, can you imagine how dull this would be for you dear reader if I were to portray myself as a one dimensional do-gooder… I think if you have read any of the previous entries you are well aware that I am good, when it suits me, and when I am bad… at least I have the decency to be good at it!

 

Before I go into details of the weekend, I have a confession to make. I do this in order to abase myself for the sin that I know I have committed – to prove the sincerity of my apology. “I am soooooo sorry!!!”

 

After 13 hours travel across our great brown (and green – the drought has broken after all… tangent man!!) land, the intrepid visitor stepped from his plane, collected his bag, and took a seat. Because I wasn’t there to pick him up… I was only about 20 minutes late (for me that’s an achievement in itself) however – I will admit that I should have been there on time, and it was a rather inauspicious beginning to our 3 days together. It wasn’t even a particularly early flight!

 

However, I am pleased to report that that was the low point of the weekend. I do realise I am speaking for myself alone here – perhaps my guest would disagree with me? LOL. I don’t think so! (Ah – I’m writing this at night when my “arrogance” kicks in!)

 

I was going to write about the nice things we did, the lovely compliments that were exchanged and all sorts of romantic shit. However, I realised that a) that would only serve to vindicate certain peoples opinions, b) this would be more fun, and c) there is little to no right of reply on this blog, so Ha Ha Ha Ha *evil laughter echoes round my lounge room* I can write what I like!

 

So instead… I am going to write an account (mainly fictional – partly factual) of my guests atrocious behaviour during his stay in Sassville.

 

**Asked for coffee. Coffee was made. Inferred dislike of coffee by use of “Third Fine”. Punishment ensued. Guest was made to get his own coffee for rest of visit. (I am nothing if not thoroughly lazy!)

 

**Used masses of hot water immediately on arrival. This apparently was necessary for him to shave. I chose not to inquire what… He volunteered that it was his head. "Too much information!" I cried!

 

**Went fishing. This was despite the presence of me, in my bucket hat. I ask you fellow citizens, would you go fishing? Two words folks, Bucket… Hat…

 

**Cast dispersions on my creative talents and made grout jokes. Grout Jokes.

 

**Failed to bring a long promised gift. This caused untold damage to my psyche. As if it were not damaged enough.

 

**Complaint at lack of “Breakfast Menu”. I can think of two words that also start with B & M… “Bite Me!”

 

**Fully checked out the slappers at the Vic – undoubtedly with the sole intention of “upgrading”. Yeah, I saw you lookin’.

 

**Beat me at pool three times in a row. On the black ball each time. (Those of you who know me will understand that this is the fictional part of the list!!)

In reality, I had a lovely time (even if he did really complain about my coffee!). He was a pleasure to have around, and will be welcome back any time. It’s nice to have friends in far flung places, even if they aren’t on the map!