All The Small Things

So this weekend I packed up my jarmies and headed to the much anticipated:

McWedding of the McYear.

And it was McLovely. (See what I did there... with the Mc???... Nevermind.)

The bride was all pretty and thin and tall and beautiful (as usual, only moreso) and her makeup was flawless and obviously waterproof because she was sobbing her heart out and blowing her nose and stuff in the church, and she STILL looked a million dollars when she stepped outside afterwards. And the dress, stunning. And her hair - I wanted to touch it because it was so pretty and shiny and soft and perfect looking. I kept expecting a Pantene / L'Oreal / Mac Cosmetics film crew to pop out of the bushes. Mrs. Macca you could have stepped out of a magazine. (Something like Cleo Bride, not Tatts and Peircings Monthly obviously...)

The beautiful bridesmaids all looked lovely, and the dresses were stunning. Just a little something Mrs. Macca ran up on the machine in her spare time I'm told. As you do.

The Groom, CK, looked his ever gorgeous self, and the sight of the two of them together made you want to close your eyes lest your retina's be ever scarred by the wonder of it all. The wonder and the beam-i-ness of their smiles. And the constant flash of camera flashes. They'll be seeing stars for weeks I'd imagine.

Much disgusted by the groomsmen though - particularly the Best Man.

Never been more appalled in my life actually, than I was about the Best Man.

Almost came and told you so at the wedding, restrained myself though.

Now, lets get serious here for a minute.

I've been on-again off-again single for a while now, and YOU'VE BEEN HIDING HIM FROM ME AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU ETC. How can it happen that you never introduced us before??? And now I have a boyfriend. And unlike the previous ones, I love this boyfriend. So whatever. What. Ever. ... Keep your hot friends to yourself and see if I care.

*sulks*

I will very grudgingly admit that all the lads looked super spectacular, and were lovely people all round. As you would expect from CK, who, like our lovely Mrs. Macca, attracts lovely people like moths to a flame. *Flutter Flutter, slams self into window*

The venue was delightful, the band dance-y, the photographer snap-happy, and the barstaff accomodating, and the waiters were nothing short of HOT. (There were brothers!!)

If I had any complaints, they would be that my delightful boy gave me a blood blister on my toe with his chair (ouch) and that I didn't get to handjive with my girl. And now she's not mine anymore. But I do know that she's in very good hands (and musically talented hands too) and I'm sure that we can work out some sort of lend-lease-rental arrangement for handjiving.

I would like to try before I buy however, as God only knows what CK is going to do to her on the honeymoon, and she might come back unable to perform at her handjiving best. I'll have to take you for a test jive Mrs. Macca!!! (Test jive, geddit??)

I seriously considered crash tackling Mrs. Macca's baby sister in order to get my hands on the bouquet, however, due to the tenuous hold my dress had on my upper torso, I decided against it. In hindsight, I believe this to be the right decision.

I will at this point put in another apology for the Reading at the Church - Mrs. Macca I think you and I are going to be arguing about this one in the retirement home when we're both in old people nappies and have no teeth and we have to yell at each other and compete with our squealing hearing aids! 

Mrs. Macca swears that she asked me to do a reading at the church, and I swear with equal vigour that she never asked me.

And because its my blog I'm going to add to that by saying that I know that I'm shithouse, and that I forget dates, and all sorts of things, I forgot to pack shoes to match the dresses that I packed, for example, HOWEVER. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered if you'd asked me to do a reading at your wedding, because I would have been (and AM) absolutely stoked and honoured that you thought of me and included me on your big day. And I'm desperately sorry that I didn't hear the call to get up there and do the reading, and that I didn't mug an elderly relative (from CK's side obviously) for a booklet when I arrived so that I could have read my name in there and known that I should have been up there reading. Particularly because we picked the readings (pending CK's approval) and they meant so much to you. I'm so sorry Mrs. Macca.

I guess all weddings have something go wrong don't they, and unless I missed something exciting like a rello getting smashy and hitting on the staff, or someone faceplanting in the cake, or breaking a leg falling down the stairs, then I am the something that went wrong. Story of my life.

Perhaps THAT is why you were hiding the Best Man from me? Because I'm shit and wrong?? LOL

 

So to recap, here are some....    

::: THINGS I LEARNED AT THE MCWEDDING OF THE MCYEAR:::

1) Cuddle up to the bride from UNDER THE VEIL so as not to pull the brides head off.

2) There is always going to be one cute guy that is super good friends with the couple whom they never thought to set you up with, and seeing that person in a very cute suit will make you want to take the happy couple out. (And not to dinner)

3) Bring a jacket. Particularly if you are wearing sweet FA in the undergarment department.

4) I'm shit.

5) Mrs. Macca makes hot dresses, and I will definitely be hitting her up for that when the time comes.

6) She also makes a rather delicious mudcake.

7) And organises extremely elegant and beautiful weddings.

8) Mrs. Macca and CK deserve each other (in a good way, like cold milk deserves Cadbury)

 

That is all. Unless I think of something else in which case I'll add it later.