All The Small Things

Things that are currently SHITTING ME TO TEARS.

1. The fact that despite my will, despite my logic, despite chocolate, despite interest from other more polite, cute men; I am still infatuated with that silly boy. The tick tock one. I just can't get him off my mind. I really like him. And I don't want to. I really don't want to. It's doing my head in.

Why, oh, why, can I not just forget him.

Because I like him. I like everything about him. I like his conversation, I like spending time with him. I like his eyes, I love his smile and his daggy loud laugh. I like that he makes witty jokes. I like that he wears thongs all the time, and dresses like a bogan and still manages to look completely hot. I like that he makes me laugh. I just like everything.

I'm disgusted in myself for it, but I like him. I want him.

And although I can fool myself that my head rules the roost here in Sassland, the truth is that my heart is the real power. And it says that it wants him.

 

2. Mr. D, his new fiance and her little boy. (This is narky but honest)

The little boy is a nice kid. He is. But he calls Mr. D. DAD. Really. For God's sake. MR. D. IS NOT YOUR BLOODY DAD KID. Your mum got knocked up by some bloke who's first name she can't even remember, and the only reason you exist is cos she was in freaking denial about being pregnant.

I'm sorry that you don't have a Dad. I am. I think thats a shithouse thing to do to a kid, but at the same time, Mr. D. is NOT YOUR DAD.

He IS on the other hand NICKY'S DAD. Why should she have to share her Dad with you just because your mum was too ignorant to use birth control? Or get the surname of the bloke she was screwing??

The fact that they've been shacked up for the last 2 months does not make him your Dad. He will never be your Dad. He will perhaps be your STEP-DAD one day. That is all.

You are not Nicky's older brother. You are not her brother at all. You are not likely to become her brother until after they get married, IF Mr. D. adopts you. But, Ok, once they're married, you will be her STEP-BROTHER.

And only that if your mother puts that fricking engagement ring on HER RING FINGER, instead of wearing it on the wrong finger. How INSULTING is it to wear it on the wrong finger?

Oh, and by the way, Mr. D, Shell... You aren't a frigging family. You've been dating for 12 weeks, your engaged and you're buying a house. Hooray for you, you're in love. Great. NO, really, great. But it doesn't mean that:

• Mr. D. has travelled back in time and redistributed his sperm.
• Nicky suddenly has a new brother.
• You can say "Our Family".

 

3. I'm sick. I've got frigging CHICKEN POX. Seriously. Yes, I know that its something that small children get. Its ITCHY.

I'm being driven insane by the itching.

Perhaps that's why I'm in such a foul mood tonight. I'm full of nastiness, and I just feel pissed off at the world. I'm contagious. Shit I'm itchy.

 

Really, I think I'm just peeved with Mr. D. et al because he's got bloody everything. I had a bit of a rant tonight at Mum and Dads, and Dad just turned around and gave me a hug. That did me in, I started bawling.

I shouldn't care that the kid calls Mr. D. Dad. It's not his fault, he's just a kid. A kid without a Dad.

I'm just jealous. They have each other, they have Nicky more than I do, they don't work as much as I do but they're getting ahead so much quicker. And they don't have bloody "Spots" as Nicky's calling it.

Mr. D. actually asked if perhaps it was fleas.

For F*cks Sake. Fleas? I've never even had a pet that had fleas. I've got frigging chicken pox. But please, I have a pathetic love life, where the guy that I'm seeing is nothing like the guy that I'm secretly in lust with, I have a job that pays me sweet FA, and I'm sick.

Feel free to kick me while I'm lying here Mr. D. After all, why should that be hard for you, when everything else is so bloody easy?

 

Life is not fucking fair.

 

And I am a cranky bitter itchy bitch tonight.

 

Enough.