Judging a Book
Mood: Contemplative
Listening to: Tick Tock
We are all guilty of it from time to time.
We make snap decisions about people based on the way that they look. We assess their clothing, their hairstyle, their makeup, the way they smell, the way they dance, the car they drive.
These things have such little bearing on the type of person that they are though. Why are they so important to us??
Why do I choose with care what I step out my door in? Why do I bother with makeup when I hate it with such a passion? Why do I worry what others will think of me when they see me?
Perhaps it has to do with the insecurities I have about my appearance. I'm no beauty. I know that. I'm not hideous, "I've seen worse", but I'm not going to be fighting off Model School Talent Scouts either.
But what is beauty? What standard do I judge myself by? Where did these ideas come from?
Apparently beauty is symmetry. Those of us with perfectly symmetrical features are considered more attractive than those of us who are horribly lopsided. Am I lopsided? I don't think so...
My more airy-fairy friends would say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Perhaps that is true. I've found men attractive when they really aren't, just because I was attracted to them, perhaps for other reasons. If I can find an unattractive man attractive, it stands to reason that a man could find me attractive even if I'm not.
Should this lead me to disbelieve the men who have been in my life and thought I was beautiful?
Why when I look in the mirror do I see different things? Some days I can look, and say, yeah, you look ok today. Other days, I see nothing but my faults. I see my scar. I see freckles. I see bad skin.
Again, by what standard am I judging myself? Magazine covers? The producers of such tripe filled programs as ACA would love us to believe that it is the magazines giving us all terrible body image, causing such evils as anorexia and plastic surgery. I don't think so personally. I would like to think I am too intelligent to succumb to the stereotypical woman airbrushed within an inch of her life on the cover of Cleo. Who would want to look like that?
Perhaps the truth is more about my perceptions than reality. What I see as a fault, others hardly notice. No one looks as hard at me as I do. And what we focus on expands. Like my hips. They take on gargantuan proportions if I focus on them, where realistically, I'm a size 10 so they can't be that big.
Sometimes, I wish I didn't own a mirror. Once I have left the house, I don't worry about what I look like. I have a mental picture of myself, looking average, and I guess that's what I expect others are seeing. But more than that, I hope that they are judging me on my merits and not my appearance. It isn't going to happen, we have all been conditioned to align ourselves with the more attractive people around us. Folks aren't suddenly going to decide that I fit into that category. However.
There is always hope, isn't there. If I begin to look beyond appearances, and deal with people purely on a personality level, perhaps that will become apparent to those around me and encourage them to behave the same way.
My mum says: A change in me makes a change in you.
Something to work on.
Symmetry is not the real meaning of beauty - if you have ever read one of those trashy women\'s mags - they sometimes have pictures of celebs and what they would look like if they did have symmetrical faces (no one does, by the way) and some looked ridiculous. Plus, have a look at someone like Claudia Schiffer (stunning, in my opinion) - clearly not symmetrical, but beautiful none the less. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder - call me airy fairy or not, but that is so true. Just look at our own highshool crushes - the guys you liked were often repulsive in my opinion, and I\'m certain the same could be said for the opposite.
Anyway - I have to agree with you about the mirror thing - the same thing happens with me. It happens to all of us.
I do, however, disagree with your statement about the magazines causing bulimia, anorexia, etc. I think that for people of our age, it is less likely, but for younger people it sets high standards for appearance and weight. How else could an 8 year old develop this disease? Obviously there would be other factors at play in the disease striking such young people, however the idea would spring from somewhere - and that I would say is the media.
Anyway, after all of that - I learned something (well, I think I already knew it, but had never had it put into words before) at a leadership meeting I had at work last week...
take charge of your own morale.
Don\'t allow anyone else take charge of this - be it family, friends, workmates. Only you are responsible for this, so do not allow others to affect your morale. If they do affect it, it is only because you are allowing it to.
I thought that this was refreshing to hear. It is very easy to allow yourself to be dragged down by others, so it is encouraging to be reminded that this is in your own hands.
Also remember that there is a need (often subconscious) to be liked and accepted by everyone. You won\'t be. That is normal and natural. There will be people who won\'t be impressed by you, or like you, or accept you. If you acknowledge this, you may then be able to stop trying to please/impress everyone, and from there you will be able to leave the house with no makeup!
Anyway, cheer up - hope your voice returns quickly, and that you get better soon!
I deleted my blog - I can\'t be bothered with it anymore.
Also - everything fine here, will email you next week.
Take care
Love Tink.
Therefore it makes sense that of course all that trashy magazine shit makes things worse in our heads about our images - they reinforce our image insecurities.
Sassy is right if we all treated eachother like looks don\'t matter the world would be a better place etc - that is something to aspire to.
I\'m sorry if I offended anyone, I mean Tink and Sassy are obviously friends if they are emailing eachother - no offence meant - only that bullshit about being in control of your morale/emotions/depression etc really gives me stomach burn.
I mean it really sounds like Tink is either Terminally bubbly or hasn\'t really gone through too much bad shit.
regards Pendulum
Thanks for your comments, it is refreshing to be called a vulva, or did you mean a stupid, incompetent fool?
Vulgar names aside, please don\'t think I am trying to prescribe a remedy for clinical depression - it is simply not what that was meant to be. I was referring to, in fact, Sassy\'s comments about workmates not caring that she was sick. Please also note that I did not say \'we are all in charge of our own morale\', I said \'TAKE CHARGE of your own morale\'. I think that these have significant differences.
At any rate, your comments about people with anorexia and possibly that you interpreted from my comment that these people don\'t have other issues - that certainly was not what I had meant, as clearly there are. It is just that, and I see you make that point yourself, magazines/other media promote an unrealistic image for many people, and reinforce those insecurities.
Pendulum, thankyou for your enthusiastic reply, I love a good debate, there is not much worse that having a reply that is simply in agreeance with your comments. What is the point?
I have to disagree with your writing off the whole idea about taking charge of your own morale - this actually meant a great deal to me. Ever found yourself in a situation where you are unhappy, (not due to clinical depression/other mental illness/grief, etc, etc) and later realised that all along you had the power to change that situation? Maybe you would understand if you have been.
Some days I look in the mirror and am happy with what I see, other days not. How can the same face look different every day, every mood? I\'d be interested to know how other people see me, because I can be pretty critical of myself! I think that\'s pretty normal though!
I know it sounds terribly corny, but to me I find nice people more attractive than others. For example, one of my work mates when I first met her, I thought she was stunning. She\'s actually a bit of a bitch, so this makes me view her as quite unattractive. It is strange how a person\'s personality can completely change the way I see them. I wonder if anyone else has noticed this too?
The way other people perceive me, good or bad, is their own business and out of my hands.
Does that make life easier? Sometimes.
But I\'m a good person, and always try to do right by others and myself. If someone doesnt like my hair or the way I dress? Meh.