All The Small Things

Batchelor Number One is still on the scene, and still being lovely. I asked him not to call me so much, and he's pretty much complied.

I've seen him a few times, and I have to say that I'm just really torn.

Part of me enjoys his company, and has a good time. He's kind, gentle. He makes me feel rather beautiful and special. I feel very secure somehow, in the fact that he really likes me, and wants nothing more than to be around me. Its nice to feel that another person thinks that you are the most wonderful thing since sliced bread.

But another part of me wants to run away from the attention that he lavishes on me. I don't want to feel his eyes constantly on me. I don't wish to hear that he thinks that I'm attractive. I don't want to have him constantly touching me. (And I do mean constantly.)

I asked him the other night to give me some space. To back off a bit, and not touch me so much, I was tired, and I needed some space.

His response was to immediately do as I had asked, and thank me for telling him how I was feeling.

For some reason, this made me really cranky. I mean, seriously, the fact that he was happy that I'd told him to back off, and he just sat there looking at me, was more irritating than his initial behaviour. In the end, I left.

Is it wrong for me to think "Where is your self respect man?"?

It feels as though he is depending on me, as if even his moving away from me was an act of dependance. I haven't seen him do anything without checking with me first.

I don't really feel much respect for Batchelor Number One. Thats a problem for me.

While I appreciate that he's trying to make me happy, and to be considerate, and be affectionate, that isn't what I want to see really. What I want is someone who knows who they are, and is just as happy with me as they are without me.

I guess I'm happy in myself and in my life, and I'm looking for someone in the same situation, who wants to be with me, not because I define them, or can dictate their behaviours, but because we complement one another and have mutual respect. Someone who has their own life, as I do, and wishes to share that, but maintain our own individual identities.

It all sounds a little Professor Higgins... "why can't a woman, be more like me?"