Four Sleeps To Go...
Mood: Melancholy
Listening to: Rove Live
I lost my voice two days ago, which has made me nearly go stir crazy. I never realised how much I talked during the day. Or how often I yelled out to people to get their attention. Or how much I rely on the telephone. I had 14 messages on my work answering machine, and I couldn't return any of them, cos I had no voice. Possibly a good thing, as I wasn't supposed to be at work anyway!
I'm a tad excited, as I am getting a special visitor on Saturday. Four sleeps to go!! Just needed to get that out of my system really!
Righto, on to something that you may be interested in reading...
I went to the most interesting engagement party on the weekend, in Sydney. My little cousin (who I really should stop referring to in that way, as he is 22 and 6ft something) got engaged to a lovely girl. Her parents are from Chile, so it was a really interesting evening just from the cultural point of view.
They had the party at her parents house, who had basically redone the entire backyard to accomodate the 100 people that they had invited. There were beautiful fairy lights all over the place, helium ballons, candles, and glittering stars strewn over the grounds. The pool was lit up, and there were flowers and candles floating in it. All the guests were in formal wear, and my cousin had bought his fiancee a gorgeous red dress, and was in a black suit with red tie and hanky. They looked lovely.
There were speeches, priests to bless the food and the ring, dancers doing some traditional dances, traditional foods, (including a very odd concoction of wheat, apricots and nectar, which the waiter assured me was a drink... a dessert drink) a three tier engagement cake, and bonbonierre. All the tables were done with damask table cloths, candlabras, silver wine chillers, the whole deal.
My cousin and his fiancee had her engagement ring blessed, and then he made a very emotional speech about how much he loved her, couldn't live without her, and was so grateful that she had agreed to be his wife, then he turned and put the ring on her finger. Many sniffles and sighs from the crowd.
I personally thought it was a bit OTT for an engagement - I've been to weddings that weren't as nice! - however, horses for courses. They obviously do things big in Chile. Can't wait to see what the wedding is going to be like... it was too romantic for words.
I left feeling rather melancholy, I guess the whole night put my romantic experiences to date into stark relief . Or perhaps I'm just feeling rather melancholy in general. Losing my voice is a bit of a metaphor for the way I'm feeling now.
I don't really think that I'm being heard. Definitely the people at work aren't listening to me... after all, telling me to go to the doctor, and then in the same breath telling me I should be checking the mail each day despite the fact that I'm on holidays doesn't show much genuine care for me as an employee or a friend.
Mr. D. has been quite vocal in his opinion of my personal life of late. He thinks I should stay home, be single, and value myself more highly. I think what he would really like is to not have to deal with the fact that I am dating.
I understand that his opinion is based on what he truly sees as being best for me. But at the same time, I am going to do whatever I want to do. For the first time in my life, I am free to be me. And I'm really enjoying that. I'm not going to let it go just yet. Most people do this stuff when they are young, I didn't get that chance. I was engaged, I was in a full-on full-time relationship with a guy who didn't like to go out. Then I was with Mr. D. and had Nicky to care for.
Now, I spend most of my time looking after Nicky, but when she isn't here, I will do whatever I like. It's not that I'm even doing anything bad. You have read the worst (?) of my exploits to date, and really, since that failed experiment, I've been a very good girl. I go to the pub occasionally, I play pool, I drink a little - not a lot - and I have fun. Nothing wrong with that. I'm not tired of it yet, and until I am, its my life and I'll do as I bloody well please.
Perhaps I should take on board how angry this has made me. If I really wasn't concerned about the opinions others had of my lifestyle at the moment, I wouldn't be getting so angry about it, would I.
I would love the strength of character to really not give a stuff, but I am aware that it's part of my makeup, I really do care. My intention is never to make those around me upset or uncomfortable, but at the same time, I think I've hit a point in my life where I just have to bite the bullet and do what I need to do for me. This is it. I need to experience that freedom for a while.
