All The Small Things

Dec 13, 2005 at 14:07 o\clock

Feeling a little...

by: Sassy1

Mood: Tired

Overwhelmed.

Its been an interesting couple of months.

My sister is oscillating madly between gushing friendliness and pure cruelty.

My family have shifted the venue for our Christmas Lunch again in order to placate my sister. We will now being having dinner at my Grandparents Retirement Village.

While I don't object per se to having dinner in a location convenient to my Grandparents, it actually irritates me more than you could ever know that we will be eating 3 courses prepared not with loving care in our family home, but in a sterile stainless steel kitchen by people who are probably cursing the fact that they can't be at home spending time with their own families.

I'm also cranked that my little girl will be eating Christmas Lunch in an environment that is just completely impersonal. I don't want to spend the half a day that I have with her sitting in a dining hall with 30 odd other families. That sucks.

I don't even know what to do about it. I don't want to not have Christmas with my family, but at the same time I really can't think of anything worse than going to the Retirement Village. I'm going to have to talk to Mr. D. and see what he thinks.

I just want it to be a special day for Nicky.

 

I'm also feeling rather out of my depth with the men in my life at the moment.

On one hand, we have Shane, who is not being out loud pushy about us getting closer again, but who hints whenever I see him that we should see each other more often, or that he misses spending time with me. He also comments on how improved his behaviour is around me. What does he want? An award?? Its a bit cloying.

Then we have Jay. Jay has rung 3 times while I've been typing this. You can add that to the two text messages he sent while I was in class today, and the two he sent last night after 10pm. I can only repeat yesterday's question. Where the Hell do I find these people???

I swear I must have a large flashing sign above my head.

Stalker Weirdo Clingy Needy Men Welcome Here!!

Added to those two:

Bloke will be coming home in early January. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. I miss him, I love when he calls to say hi. I miss his solid, unshakable presence in my life. I miss the stability that I had being with him, and more than anything, I miss HIM. I love the conversations that we have. I love the understanding that we share. What the heck does that mean?

But then I have silly little crushes on a range of different boys. And they are silly, and they are just crushes. Not going anywhere, no intention of following them up. But in their own way just as diverting as a "real" relationship.

Feels like I am just being torn in so many different directions at the moment.

 

"I shouldn't need to be loved to feel beautiful" Loren

Comments for this entry:

  1. quoteSponky wrote at Dec 14, 2005 at 02:04 o\clock:Hmmm, ok this is going to sound wrong and mean, but I think you should think about whats best for you and Nicky. If that means spending the day/half day with her and not seeing the rest of the family, then maybe that\'s what you should do. You could then make plans to see your parents/grandparents on boxing day.



    Explain to your \'rents that although it might be what\'s easiest for your sister, it is not good for you, and you have to make other arrangments.



    But then, maybe I\'m wrong.
  2. quoteSassy1 wrote at Dec 14, 2005 at 11:09 o\clock:It doesn\'t sound wrong and mean at all Sponky, actually I\'m glad that you said it, because its what I am thinking. Christmas when you are a kid should be a time for joyful abandon, for running around, playing with new toys, eating all day and playing non stop. I don\'t think it should be a time for being told to sit still and eat your dinner, that\'s so mundane.



    I want Nicky to have the most wonderful Christmas... I know in lots of ways for adults its just a day like any other, but for a little kid like Nicky its a magical day - or at least it should be.



    I want to give her that. Thanks Sponky.
  3. quoteDiddums wrote at Dec 14, 2005 at 16:48 o\clock:On \'Grumpy Old Women\' on TV, one of the women says she\'s always hearing people saying \"I don\'t want to spend Christmas in that place/with those people\" - but as it\'s their Christmas Day, they should spend it where they want to. Probably easier said than done though - I bet many people feel torn.
  4. quoteSassy1 wrote at Dec 15, 2005 at 06:46 o\clock:True. And in the grand scheme of things, its only one day isn\'t it. For adults its much easier to put what YOU want aside, in order to avoid a years worth of hassle about not doing what the family was doing, or going where the family was going.



    But little kids are different. I don\'t want to NOT have Nicky around her family - they love her so very very much, but at the same time, I don\'t want the location to be so dodgy.

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