Even More Random Stuff
* SHE is a bitch. I now officially hate her more than I have ever hated anything - including PE at school and low fat milk. And that is a lot. SHE refused to let me speak to my daughter on the weekend - refused to hand the phone over. What a bitch. GRRRR.
* If I were a policeman, and I was going to be on television, I would at least make sure that my hat was on straight.
* I had a car accident yesterday. I wasn't injured (you can stop the panic etc), however, I did trash my car pretty well. Yay me. Yay for my inability to correctly identify hazards in my rear view mirror.
* I did my eye makeup in five minutes this morning. This leads me to the conclusion that five minutes is far too short an amount of time to do eye makeup suitable for work. However, it also leads me to the conclusion that if I ever need to go to a fancy dress party as the victim of a mugging who sustained two black eyes - five minutes is all I will require. Cloud, meet silver lining.
* It does not take three firemen to check one ladies smoke alarm. I don't care how old and frail she is TV Newscrew, that is overkill. If they were hot firemen, yeah, OK. But they aren't. So clearly, one would have been sufficient. Quit wasting our resources already. And PS: That isn't news.
* Napisan is a wonderous product. If you have some in your cupboard, and you haven't used it as a paste yet, go now. Go and try it. Get a stain that you are SURE will not come out, and do as I say. (Ignore the instructions on the packet - do it my way. Trust me.)
Wet the garment. Sprinkle the Napisan on the garment liberally. Then drip water onto the Napisan, while holding the garment from underneath, until a paste is created. Paddle around in the paste-y Napisan-y goop. Feel the heat coming through the fabric?? How cool is that??? TRY IT PEOPLE. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER (or amuse you for milliseconds at the very least).
* If you are going to use the word "slander", and you are semi-retarded ho-ho from a backwater town who's only remarkable feature is your astounding ability to get knocked up "by accident" every time you sleep with a bloke... (I'll give you three guesses who I'm referring to... and a hint... see point one) GET A DICTIONARY AND KNOW WHAT THE WORD MEANS FIRST.
Also: Slander and Opportunities do not go next to one another. Ever. The juxtopostion robs both words of their intended meaning. Grammatical vandalism, thats what that is. Have a think about your sentance structure prior to putting pen to paper. It isn't that hard. Writing poorly just pisses me off, plus it makes you look stupid. And you look stupid enough without doing anything to enhance that state. So don't use those two words together. Ever. Actually, even better than that? Don't write to me. Leave that to Mr. D., you know, the other parent of my daughter. The person who actually has a right to have a say in her life. That one, you know who I mean? Just to be really clear here: NOT YOU.
* Lindor Balls are by far the best chocolate I have ever tasted. And more satisfying than anything I've experienced lately. LOL Hands up if you're not getting any! *Raises both hands and shakes them all about, does hokey pokey, turns around, sits right down a-gain la la*
* For my birthday, my lovely girlfriends took me to the pub at the hour of my birth (which was 6.30pm for those playing at home) and we had a drink and purved on boys. This was a simply delightful way to spend an hour, and yet...
* I am still pathetically mooning over GM. Is it wrong that I still have his picture beside my bed and say goodnight to him every night like I did when we were going out? I mean, its only been a month... you know what, on second thoughts, don't answer that. Hey, at least I didn't take it away with me. I was disappointed that he didn't even send me a text message for my birthday though. I know. I'm sad and pathetic.
* And finally for Jobe - I am now going out to my washing line. I'm going to be pegging out the washing. And it is once again blowing a gale in Sassville. So now you have your wish. I rather think that this post has everything - including Pegging Out.
