Eeek
Sorry about that last one. I was... a bit of a mess.
Queen of Understatement is in the room folks!
I'd had a fight with Mr. D. over Nicky. First fight we've had - nasty. And something more earth shattering even than that. Mr. D. is after a girl. Not just any girl, the girl that he loved from the age of 16, who broke his heart and moved away after they had celebrated their 21sts in a joint birthday party.
She came back, at around the same time that we met. Pregnant. No dad in sight. Hating my guts.
That passed after her little boy was born, and we get along great now. She and Mr. D. and I used to hang around heaps. She and I used to take our kids out to Playgroup and the park together.
I think some part of me probably always knew that Mr. D. had a soft spot for her that being with me didn't alter. Don't get me wrong, he loved me. He still loves me, and I love him. I just could never quite understand why they didn't get together. Like peices of the same puzzle.
I guess its just hard to see that now that I'm gone, shes the one.
It knocked me. And to have Shane, who patently ISN'T the one, try to comfort me just made it even harder.
Enough. Lets get onto something more interesting, and more importantly, less depressing!!
Friday night was a terrible messy event. Fantastic fun, wish I could make every Friday as much fun as that!
Stace and I went down to the Vic, but there was literally no-one there. There were crickets... So we decided that we would head down to the Sassville pub.
There were some new faces, there were some old faces. There were a number of very cute faces...
We played pool, we had a few bevvies, we laughed... a lot. The boys were in especially fine form, and we were all flirting like mad things - in a nice way of course. I'm a nice girl after all.
Stace decided she needed to go home about 1.30, but I wasn't done yet, so I stayed on. Jase was there, and his little mate (who is a blonde freckled cheeky spunky monkey), two likely lads from up the road - farmers, with a large dose of the hotness, and a couple of others, including Mushy. Don't know that I've told you about Mushy. He has these eyes... they're amazing. Huge, deep brown, you could drown in them.
So we were all mucking around together, got booted out of the pub at closing, and headed back to one of the lads houses. He cracked open a bottle of port, and the lads polished it off in no time at all. Before she left, Stace and I had quite a frank conversation out the front of the pub.
"So, are you going to go for farmer #1, you should take Farmer #1 home, Farmer #1 is hot, he wants you, you should TOTALLY go for him. Are you going to go for him??
"Um. No."
"Why the hell not?? You're frigging mad you know that!??"
"Thanks Stace, thanks a lot. I'm not interested in Farmer #1... but he is kind of cute isn't he??" LOL
He is cute, no doubt about it. But he also expressed in no uncertain terms the intimate relationship that he has had, and continues to have with drugs of all descriptions. Particularly pot. This came up late in the evening, when we were back at the house. One of the lads said that they'd love some "green" and Farmer #1 volunteered that he had some in his car. I don't know that the look he gave me as he said it and tossed them his keys was meant to be "Hey babe, I'm connected - are you impressed?" or "I'm gonna get you stoned and have my way with you" but either way, I was neither impressed nor willing to even kiss him.
And he had the most kissable lips.
Yay! Aren't I progressing!
So I decided that I really needed to leave just about then... or actually it was just after then, when the boys piped up with "lets stick some porn on" and Slave, who just happened to have a porn film IN THE VCR decided that it would be totally OK, and not AT ALL inappropriate in mixed company to oblige them.
Now don't get me wrong - there is a time and a place for everything. I just don't think that in the middle of a party is that place.
So I asked Jase to walk me home. He was the safest bet I figured, as the other lads were all fairly full and getting a bit rowdy. And while all of them were pretty much the hotness, I didn't want to go there. Now while we were sitting at the house, Jase was sitting at the table. He was fairly sober - he'd had a couple of drinks, but, like me, he was still in full control. I only mention this because it becomes important in a minute as you will see. He was sitting at the table, playing with his lighter. We were chatting, I asked if he could walk me up to the corner (he lives on the corner just below me) so he put his lighter away and got up and we left.
So we're chatting away as we walk, and we get to the corner.
"Goodnight Jase, thanks for walking with me."
"No worries. (Gets out his cigarettes) Shit, I've forgotten my lighter. Do you have one?"
"No Jase, I don't smoke."
"I don't want to wake everyone up looking for one... do you have one at your place?"
"Um. Yeah."
So he came up to my place. Which, as I'm sure you can see now is really really odd.
So we are sitting in my lounge room, and he say's to me, thanks for letting me come back here. And I said, no worries Jase. But can I ask you something? Why did you pretend not to have a lighter? You don't have to make an excuse to come here you know. You are my friend, and you are welcome anytime.
He got a bit embarassed then, which was funny, and he pulled out his lighter. Men think we play games. HA.
So we probably got back to my place at 2.45am, and we just sat around chatting. It was weird. Again. He still doesn't know what to do about his girlfriend, which is just cruel in my opinion. I told him so too. If the only reason you are still living with someone is because they do your washing, that's not cool. And just not going home will only serve to make her feel like crap. Thats just not fair on her.
While we were talking Jase's little mate was text messaging him - apparently he is related to Jases girlfriend, and even better, thought that Jase was "cutting his lunch". Just to get straight on this, although he is a cutie, and has a hotness rating way up there, I'm not interested in having... lunch... with Jases mate. Or Jase for that matter. We are friends, nothing more. He has a girlfriend - about whom he needs advice. Thats it. Period.
He didn't leave until 5.30am. I don't even know what he told them when he got home. The sun was coming up for crying out loud.
I worry a lot that I'm going to wear it over this.
I am so naive. Or is it stupid?
I'm sure that when I lived in a slightly bigger town than this that I was able to have male friends without people thinking that something was going on. I used to have a lot of male friends.
I used to be able to leave my front light on too. Tell me, what does that mean where YOU come from??
I miss being able to write every day. I'm going to have to start getting my act together. More tomorrow... hopefully.
