All The Small Things

HA! I found it!!! This is the post that I wrote the other day, turns out that I changed the date on it before I hit post, so it ended up in August... par for the course really. I'm just stoked that it didn't completely disappear! 

 

So last night I went out to see my beautiful boy.

The first thing that he said to me was "Are you OK today, you sounded so upset last night. I'm so sorry about your friend darlin'" 

And in a very gentle not nearly as blunt as this kind of way, I said to him that I'd been confused by his behaviour the night before, and that I didn't understand why he hadn't come to see me. I said that I felt disappointed that he hadn't done that.

He apologised profusely, and explained that he wasn't sure that I wanted him there, because he thought that I was upset with him about getting his new job, which means that he'll be away during the week. He said if he'd known that I wanted him, he would have been there in a heartbeat.

Isn't it silly how we misunderstand one another sometimes. He assumed that when he saw me in the street and told me about his new job, that I was upset at him for taking it, when in fact I was upset because I'd just found out about my girlfriend. I should have told him at the time, but I thought he looked so happy that I didn't want to put a damper on it for him.

So we came to the conclusion that from now on if I need him, or he needs me, we will say that straight up and not assume that the other person knows.

 

We had a really big talk about his new job. I'm not stoked that it will take him out of town for the entire week, and that he'll be a really long way away, generally in Melbourne. I'm going to miss him terribly, and I won't get to see him nearly as much as I do now, which will just suck bottom bigtime. However, he's feeling the same way, so that makes me feel a bit better.

I couldn't understand why he wanted to take the job. He loves milking, he loves the farm. Why would he want to go working in the city (albeit in an outdoors job)?

The answer is right outside your door my friends.

The drought is already biting. Feed has gone up. Water is being trucked in. Cattle are being sold off in record numbers, and you can expect that soon enough we will have a shortage of meat, and milk and it will be of a very poor quality. There has been no harvest this year, so there will be no feed when the grass dies off. Those lucky farmers like GM who have a little will be rationing to avoid paying the inflated prices for feed.

GM has taken the new job to try and offset the costs of the drought.

"I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it for this place. We'll be needing the money soon enough."

What can we do? We talked a bit about how its going to make life difficult for us, not seeing each other as much. He'll be working on the farm when he isn't on the road.

"It won't be forever darlin'. And I'm only a phonecall away. I'll message you everyday, and I'll see you on the weekends. I love you, more than you know. I'm gonna miss you."

So here, upon my head, sits a brand new and not altogether comfortable hat. Its that of the patiently waiting ever supportive girlfriend. I daresay it will grow on me.

After we'd talked about the farm, and the costs, and his reasons for taking the job, I asked him if he'd told his family that that was why he was doing it. "I reckon they'd have figured it out."

They haven't though. His brother was telling me when I arrived about the job, and how GM'd been offered even more hours than he'd initially thought. He said he thought GM was tired of farming and needed a break from it. He said he couldn't blame him, he'd been working on the farm since he was 18, and not taken a break from it. This morning I was talking to his mum, and she was saying it was great to see him getting out and doing something new, because he must be so sick of working so hard on the farm.

Its not my place to tell them, but God, someone should. He loves that place. He loves everything about that life, and he's giving up what he loves for the next six months or more, to help keep it going.

 

I love him so much.

 

Prepare yourselves for many posts bemoaning my loneliness and lovelorn-ness. I don't know what I'm going to tell Nicky, she loves him to pieces.

 

In related news, my car packed it in this morning outside GMs house. Ace. Also, because I had let my RACV membership lapse, I had to pay double to rejoin, so that they would come out. Yay! Hooray for being overcharged because of an overabundance of optimism regarding the reliability of your vehicle!