All The Small Things

Da Na Na NAAAA

Last night was the first public outing for GM and I as a coupled up countrified pair.

Off we headed to a Public Hall in the middle of a paddock in the middle of nowhere. It took me 40 minutes to get there, and when I arrived, the hall was full and festivities were well underway. Which basically meant that there were many, many drunk people attempting to answer musical trivia questions.

Of course, I'm sitting at a table with GM, who very cutely held my hand throughout the evening while we were sitting at the table, and my two beautiful next door neighbours, and some other lovely young folks whom I had previously met but not actually spent much time with. Making new friends makes the baby Jebus smile.

It was most interesting to watch the folks around as they mentally processed what they were seeing before them. They would look. Blink. Look again. Nudge the person beside them. Two would look. Brows furrowed. Enlightnement dawns, suprise is evident. Smiles.

End of the night saw us less than victorious unfortunately, but not disgraced, which I thought was a damn shame as the prize for the wooden spooners was a block of chocolate each, and I think we all know about my deep and committed relationship with Mr. Cadbury.

At the end of the night, we were standing outside the hall watching as the rest of the tanked up audience got into their cars and drove home. As they left, groups would stop and say goodbye to us, as they knew either myself or GM or both. It was lovely to catch up with some folks that I hadn't seen in a while, while also slightly horrifying to see that drink driving is still alive and well in the country.

"Its only 8km down that road, I'll just follow the white line" said one gentleman who should have been old enough to know much much better.

Favourite thing about this farewell format:

• The number of young farmer types who'd been eyeing us all night who came over to introduce themselves...
• and to find out in stage whispers from GM if "this is the new missus" or my personal favourite "Is this Mrs GM?"
• GM put his arm around me and was obviously as pleased as I was to be standing there proclaiming our coupliness.
• That there was an equal split of people telling each of us that the other was lovely and that we'd made a good decision in choosing them.
• We got to say goodbye to everyone, and so the news should be well spread by Monday.

From there, I was being asked if we were going back to Club GM. Which apparently the name given to parties hosted by my lovely man at his place. There was already a party underway, and we were heading back to it. Turns out that there was 5 of us going back, and boy oh boy, was it an eye opener.

Firstly, the music. While GM and I share quite similar tastes, the stereo was under the control of some of the other guests and GM's little brother, who was holding the party. Death Metal was the flavour of the evening, and I think it would be fair to say that I'm not a big fan. It just sounds like noise to me. I appreciate that its a stereotypical viewpoint to suggest that such music is the domain of depressed and suicidal goths, with greasy hair and stinky vans and lots of drugs at their disposal and in their systems, it was the last type of music I would have expected these wholesome farmboys to be listening to.

If listening is the right word. It was so loud that the music was almost tangible. I felt like I was swimming in it. It made me feel kindof dirty and wobbly, like I'd been driving for a long time at high speed down a bumpy dirt track in a convertable. I wanted a panadol and a hot shower.

In stark contrast there was an incredibly talented young man playing guitar and singing in the kitchen, creating a beautiful soundtrack for those playing pool. Am I the only person who gets completely swept away with the talent of live performers and falls a little in lust with them? Probably.

GM was a perfect wonderful companion throughout the evening, and we went to bed at about 2am. I'm not going to give details, mainly 'cos that would just be feeding CK's addiction to smut, but I will say this... Isn't it nice when things, just, work.

There was much deep converstation over the course of the night, because despite hitting the pillows at 2am, we didn't actually go to sleep until 6.30am.

I love talking to him. He's measured and considered in his opinions, he asks intelligent questions, and he speaks his mind. I like that a lot. And he's really willing to discuss his feelings, not in an OTT irritating way, but in a "this is what I'm feeling" way. That's actually quite helpful, and I like it. He's very funny too, and he makes me laugh. The best part is that we seem to be on the same wavelength all the time - it all just clicks.

I know that there have been a number of men appearing and disappearing lately in my life, most recently the dancing man. Most of these men I could list positive traits for and had a genuine affection for at the time. But I daresay you would have noticed that I could find fault with them immediately, something about them that I wouldn't like to live with, or that they would have to change if they wished to maintain a relationship with me.

I don't have that with GM. I just like him *exactly* as he is. Undoubtedly he has faults, no-one is perfect (except maybe... me) and I'm sure that they will become evident over time, but for now, I can't see any at all. And having spent a significant amount of time with him over the past two weeks, for me that is almost a record!

And you know what?

It feels like love to me.

I've been head over heels twice in my life before, and this is what it felt like.

 

 

But I'm so very desperately afraid of that particular emotion that I'm avoiding those three little words like they are carrying live ebola in open test tubes.

The very idea of making myself that vulnerable again scares the crap out of me.

And that my dears, is a whole other post.