All The Small Things

So tomorrow evening, at 5.30pm, I have to take my beautiful Nicky to meet her Dad.

She will be spending the next three weeks with him, including the entire Christmas / New Year period. I'll see her again in the second week of January. Feels like forever away.

I know that I should be focussing on the fact that next year it will be my turn, and that I want her to have a good relationship with her Dad, and that she's happy there and that Christmas is really a time for children, and it isn't fair to drag her between houses at Christmas time.

But there is a very selfish part of me that just wants to keep her here with me and spend Christmas Day with my little girl.

I look after her all year, I'm the one who provides for her, who cares for her when she's sick, who stays up all night with her when she's got nightmares, who takes off work when she needs to stay home, who volunteers at her school and packs her lunch every day and tucks her into bed at night.

I want to do the caring for her on the one day of the year that the whole planet recognises as a day for being with the ones that you love.

 

I'm going to have lunch with my parents on the day - my grandparents on Dad's side will be there, the rest of the family are going away this year. We aren't doing presents, and I have to say that it really doesn't feel like Christmas to me at all this year.

I got Nicky a portable DVD player and some speakers for her iPod - she's opened them already and had a play with them. It didn't seem right to hold onto them until she came home. All the excitement has gone by then. She was really happy with both of them, which was great. She loves to listen to her music, and she's set up the speakers next to her bed. The DVD player she wants to take with her to her Dads house. Its hers, so I'll let her if thats what she wants. I just hope it comes back in a decent condition.

I miss her already. Tomorrow I'm going to take her out for a day of whatever she wants to do. Just the two of us. I'm tired of running all over town to visit everyone else and getting no quality time for ourselves. Tomorrow is our last day together for a while, and we are going to enjoy it!!! 

 

 

I'm looking forward to spending Christmas Eve with some old friends, and with my Ellvis. He is such a strength and delight to me. The other night I was out having dinner with Tink and our big brother, Ellvis, and Nicky, and I accidentally took some medication then drank some wine. I mean, I didn't accidentally take the medication - I did that deliberately - I just didn't clearly think through what I was taking, and the fact that I was drinking a glass of wine at the time. By my second glass of wine I was a cross between off my face and asleep. The medication absolutely wiped me out.

Lovely Ellvis drove me back to his place in my car (I could hardly keep my eyes open, no hope of driving!), then packed a bag and drove us home to our house (45km) and put Nicky and I to bed. I slept the whole way home, getting more and more wiped out by the minute, and when he put me into bed he couldn't wake me up enough to get me out of my clothes. Needless to say, this is rarely an issue that Ellvis faces with me!!!!

He had to get a lift back to town with a workmate the next morning, and then another lift home to his house to get his car. It was so terribly inconvenient for him, and he was planning on getting a good nights sleep - not nursing me and getting up at 4.30am! He's such a wonderful man. I love him... which is weird, because I didn't think that love could grow.

I'm beginning to realise that this whole slow and steady, growing into each other and into love is a much more stable and satisfying way to go...

and although that makes it sound a bit boring and pedestrian, its really anything but that. Its exciting, and intense, and delightful, and joyful and safe and kind and beautiful and solid.

Who would have thought! (Except for you Mrs. Macca - obviously!!)

 

What a disjointed post. Oh well. Tis getting late in the year and I'm not in a great frame of mind at the moment.

 

Wishing anyone reading a very merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years, Sass xoxo