All The Small Things

Mood: Happy Happy Joy Joy

Today I am in the most SPECTACULAR mood.

I'm so happy, I smiled all day!

ALL DAY!!

(My face is completely achey, but it was worth it!)

And what, do I hear you ask, has put me in such a fantabulous mood? Why, the very fact that I live in this incredible town, surrounded by the most amazing and beautiful of friends, Nicky gets to stay an extra night with me this week, and I am happy in my soul. First time in a long time, I'm happy in my soul.

I wonder what has changed? I think perhaps the internal dialogue I've been having about this silly tick tock person has helped actually. I'm kind of convinced in myself that he is going to make a move on my friend, which would very neatly answer my question as to whether he likes me or not.

And while I will be desperately disappointed if that should happen, I am listening to what I am saying to myself inside, and what I'm saying is this:

"I'm a fantastic, amazing, intelligent, funny, interesting person. If he chooses her over me, then he's missing out."

She is more attractive physically than me, "she is the Mary", but on the balance, I'd rather be with someone who liked me in my entirety than someone who was more interested in my external appearance.

It's taken me a long time to come to grips with me, and I really like this person that I am. I like my rosy glasses, I like my scars, I like that I am real with my emotions, I like that I can share myself openly with others. I like that I'm willing to trust and love despite experiences that have proven that to be a dangerous thing to do. I love having courage to do hard things, and the resilience to deal with some pretty bad stuff on my own. I like me.

So if the tick tock person doesn't like me, then that's fine by me, he's missing out. I do like him, a lot. I have a sickly crush on him. But I'm not going to "fight" or try to convince him that I'm the better choice. I'm not going to contest this decision. It's up to him. He knows us both, if he wants to go out with her, then good luck to them both.

I'm just a happy little person in myself at the moment. So I don't care what happen's externally (with the exception of Nicky and the custody thing of course!) I'm not going to let external events take this blissful feeling away from me.

Sweet Blissful Joyful Smiles To You All!