Getting on with it
So I'm still working on the whole getting over BB thing.
I love him.
I want to be with him.
And what has been happening lately has been destructive to both of us.
My self esteem has reached new levels of lowness (now there's a study in grammar for you), and I have just lost that happy vibe that I was so enjoying not that long ago.
So I'm going to try to get that back.
And I'm going to try really hard not to call him anymore.
I've been practicing my guitar, and I'm getting better. My fingers hurt like buggery though.
That's been helping.
And I'm going to start texting my friends whenever I feel like texting him.
That should work out ok I think, especially in this lead up to the silly season.
And I think maybe I will just keep a low profile pub wise for a while.
As much fun as I had last weekend, I really wonder if it isn't just a way of avoiding spending some time dealing with the loss that has happened in my life lately.
Which is exactly what I want other people in my life to stop doing.
So I think maybe I'll hang at home. Feather my nest a little. Enjoy the time that I have with Nicky. Practice my guitar. Finish renovating that new wardrobe that I got. Clean out my garage. Keep my garden alive.
And hopefully, I'll get back to a point where I'm happy in myself again, and I will forget about BB.
I don't know that I'll stop feeling for him though. I love him.
Its not that I feel less complete without him, I'm a complete person on my own.
Its more that when I'm with him, I feel like a better version of me.
Its hard going back to being an analogue signal after seeing oneself in HD.
And that is quite enough of that.
Back to practicing my G and D.
D and G.
G and D.
D and G.
"I bought my first real six string, bought it at the Sassville Hall, played it till my fingers bled, was the summer of 2007"
I'm so muscial etc.
