I tried so hard to deal with Mr. D. over the papers thing. I have since the start.
Lets talk about it.
No.
Lets go to see a mediator.
No.
Lets go to some sort of Court approved dispute management thing.
No.
All that seemed to have changed with the events of the holidays.
I thought this was a positive sign.
I'd asked him repeatedly to meet with me to talk about it - to sit down with me so that we could work something out.
We met on his suggestion early last week to talk about it - I gave him some copies of what we were asking for, on his request.
He took the copies away and we agreed that he would come back on Friday with them. And with an answer - yes or no. Signed or not.
On Friday - nothing.
He arrived, he hadn't signed anything, and he had had his lawyer draw up more papers.
So I rang my lawyer, who sent me over a copy of his papers.
And they were no good. I wasn't going to sign them, they were rubbish.
She'd also included a lovely note saying that my lawyers had behaved improperly, and that I had no right to deal with Mr. D. without including her in the conversation.
She sucks.
So I rang to speak to Mr. D. on the mobile, and it had been cut off.
So I rang the house.
And the guard dog answered the phone, and I asked to speak to Mr. D., but he wasn't home.
Could the guard dog help me?
No, it was about the Court Orders, I needed to speak to Mr. D.
Snarl. You should talk to me about that. I have the right to deal with you about that.
No. No you don't.
Yes I do, I have the right.
No, and I'm not going to deal with you.
Well Mr. D. isn't here, so you don't have much choice. I am involved, I have the right to talk about this with you, and you should talk to me.
Could you get him to give me a call when he gets in please.
No. He's going to be busy.
I don't care how late it is, its urgent and he needs to ring me. Could you let him know.
Fine.
Hangs up.
So he never rang me back.
The next night, I'm trying to ring Nicky to say goodnight, as we always do. No answer at home, mobile is out of range. I tried and tried and tried, and tried some more. I left messages on both phones.
Eventually, I tried for a final time, quite late. And the guard dog answered the phone.
They'd been out playing summer sports. Or more to the point, the dog had been playing, and Nicky had been watching her child while she did. All day. In the sun.
And so I couldn't speak to Nicky, because Nicky was asleep. She'd call me in half an hour when she woke up. She was rude, didn't apologise, and clearly had recieved my messages, but hadn't bothered to call me back.
And she did. And poor Nicky was exhausted. She hadn't had any dinner - I asked her if the guard dog was getting something for her, but no, she was out feeding the cats.
Because clearly, an hour and a half after my little girls BED TIME, it is more important to feed the cats than it is to feed my CHILD.
I wasn't happy. My poor little Nicky deserves SO SO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.
Where was Mr. D.?
Good question.
Why had he not returned my call - ALL DAY?
Really good question.
Had the guard dog even told him that I had called? Who would know.
Because he had been out drinking all day, and he wasn't due home any time soon, because he was too busy getting drunk with his mates.
He hadn't spent any time with Nicky.
Now I was ropable.
So I left another message with the guard dog, that I would be calling to speak to Mr. D. in the morning, and that it was urgent and about the Orders.
You see, the urgency was that our court papers were being lodged on Monday. If we didn't work something out, we were going to end up back in court. No ifs, buts, or maybes, it was happening. And I was trying to talk to him so that we didn't end up back there. So that we could get something agreed on before that happened.
So I left it until 10am, then I tried ringing.
Home phone engaged. Left a message.
Mobile switched off. Left a message.
I rang every half hour, and it soon became apparent that the home phone was off the hook, and the mobile was off.
I was so bloody angry.
Sunday night, nothing was said.
No conversation about the Orders at all.
Monday morning, he rang me at work, to discuss what we were going to do about them.
By this point, I had FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY realised that I had been the one doing all the work on this. All the way through, I've been the one doing the hard yards to get us into mediation, to get us talking.
And I'd been answered every time with the same brick walls.
And I'd finally had enough.
Taking the phone off the hook, when he knew that we needed to talk, was the end of me.
So when he asked me on Monday morning what we were going to do, I said to him, "You know, I tried all weekend to talk to you about this. I left message, after message, after message."
"I know."
"And yet, you didn't answer any of my calls, you didn't call me back, and you took your phone off the hook. I've tried so hard Mr. D., I have. Haven't I?"
"Yeah."
"Well, you know what? I'm done. You don't want to talk to me, so now you can talk to the lawyers. I'm tired of trying."
"So you aren't going to talk to me?"
"No. I'm not. You can talk to your lawyer, and that will take however long that takes, and it will cost you a fortune, and you have no-one to blame but yourself."
I said goodbye and we hung up.
The next day, I had word very late in the day from my lawyer that his lawyer had been to their offices, and had given the head lawyer there an absolute blasting over the way the whole matter had been dealt with, and how incompetent my lawyers were, and so on.
Bitch.
So first thing the next morning, we get word from his lawyer that Mr. D. has signed the papers, and that she was going to post them over to our offices.
I went in and signed them today, and now it is over.
Really not feeling good about the whole thing.
Its ugly.
And it doesn't feel like a victory, you know?
In the end, the lawyers fought it out, and neither of us got what we wanted, and there was no mending of our relationships, it just made everything uglier.
Now Mr. D. has made it clear that he feels like a victim, that I've taken advantage of his situation. He has written me a vile letter on what a selfish bitch I am for doing this to him, and that Nicky will hate me when she's older, when she realises what I have done to her, but he has no choice but to sign.
Ugh.
Ugly.
And I'm still feeling like I'm just at the end of this.
I'm tired of dealing with him.
I'm tired of dealing with the shit that comes from the guard dog, and from Mr. D.'s unwillingness to speak and make adult decisions about Nicky.
He has also been on at me about Child Support.
He doesn't want to pay it.
He wants me to make an arrangement (in writing) that he'll never have to give us any financial assistance. Ever.
I said no.
He has said that he won't be giving us a cent.
In the past, I haven't made him pay anything. He hasn't contributed anything. And that gave him the opportunity to buy his own house, while we are still renting. Lucky old him. When I did ask him to pay something, he got the figures adjusted so that he was assessed at not having to pay anything. And to add insult to injury, after the adjustment, I was assessed as having to pay him. So for the last four or five months, he's had ME paying HIM.
On top of all of Nicky's school fee's, uniforms, excursions, coloured clothes days, book club, and after school activities.
'Cos thats fair and all. You know.
Now I'm thinking that whatever the Government of the Day decides that he should pay in the future, he should pay. And if he doesn't want to, then they can deal with him.
Because I'm over dealing with him.
I just am wondering if after all this time of trying so hard to do this whole thing the nice way, the friendly way, if I should just stop being nice, and let the system do its job.
After all that has happened, what do you think? Do you think I should make him pay what he is supposed to? Or do what he wants, and not get him to contribute anything?
