BB, two DVD's, a Couch and a Cuddle
The four ingredients to make a perfect night.
So a while back, I made a decision that there wasn't going to be any more physical contact between BB and I - that it hurt too much to hug him.
I don't know what has happened to me over the last few days.
Perhaps I just gave myself enough time to think about it, to get a little stronger, to get really clear about the direction that I want to travel in with BB.
Perhaps the conversation that I had over the phone with BB helped a lot - to know that he misses me has made a huge difference, silly as that might sound.
I went around to his place last night, and we just chilled out. We watched some DVD's, and snuggled up on the couch together.
We had a conversation, after BB let out a huge sigh, and made the statement that he wished life were easier, that it wasn't so complicated. I asked him what he meant, and he went on to explain that he wished that he didn't have his issues to deal with, and that his life could just be the way that he wanted it to be.
I asked him what that might look like.
He said it looked happy, simple, easy.
"And do I have a part in that life?" I asked him.
"Of course! We'd be together. We would be together, with none of this stuff getting in the way" He answered.
I don't know who I think I'm fooling.
I DO hope that we are able to be together in the future - I want him in my life, I adore him.
So we spent the night snuggled up together, and it was amazing, perfect, loving and tender.
I'm sure from the outside it looks a complete mess - but from where I am, it feels ok.
It feels like we are going to be OK.
Maybe we're not, maybe we are, but it just feels like everything is going the way that it should, and whatever the outcome, it will be OK.
