A Bit of a Catchup Post
So I've been promising for a while to blog more often. That (obviously) hasn't happened. Instead of just repeating myself, I think I'll face the reality that life at the moment is horribly horribly busy, and I don't think that I'll find time regularly to do this anymore. No matter how cathartic I find it, or how enjoyable it is to do, or how much my friends nag me!
It would make sense to have the regular well spaced and logical recap of my life that we've all come to know and love, so we shall go through in random order.
NICKY:
My little person is the most beautiful little girl in the world, I'm quite sure of it. She's doing brilliantly at school, making lots of friends and learning heaps. I'm blown away by how clever she is - and how incredibly well she copes with the rubbish that goes on in her life. She's getting tall and more beautiful as each day passes, and it seems as though she constantly has something new and grown up to say to me, and sometimes I am positively shocked by the adult way that she is able to articulate her feelings.
I can't wait for her to grow up so that I can know her, and at the same time, I never want her to grow up. I want her to stay my little person forever.
I daresay all parents suffer from the same tearing of heart.
THE COURT STUFF:
We're back off to court in early July - the dates arrived in the mail the other week. That means that I'm back on the treadmill of writing affidavits and figuring out what needs to happen to make the arrangements between Mr. D. and I workable. Its difficult to know what to do sometimes - I want to make sure that she has a good relationship with her Dad, but the further we go down this track the harder it is to keep focused and clear about that.
Things have been ugly. Which is nasty and horrid and completely unnecessary - that bothers me. Mr. D. has the potential to put a lid on it, and for some reason he chooses not to. But. They have agreed to attend counselling and get some help in sorting out these issues, so at least there is some hope.
All I really want out of it is for Mr. D. to realise that whats been going on is inappropriate and to put a stop to it. And for there to be clear ground rules about where each parties responsibilities begin and end.
BB has been wonderful throughout this whole time, and being with him has added a whole new dimension to how I think about our situation.
I am essentially in the same position that SHE is in. The difference is that I know my place. I don't make the rules for his children. I don't deal with their mother. I would never dream of doing those things. The same thing goes for BB's ex's new partner. He keeps himself to himself and does not have anything to do with BB.
That is how it should be, I have realised.
Perhaps the error was mine in that I allowed more contact and encouraged more contact than that at the start. Perhaps I shouldn't be blaming Mr. D.. Perhaps the blame for this situation belongs with me.
That doesn't excuse the behaviour that has happened, particularly lately. But perhaps she is feeling as though her powers are being stripped from her - and they are. The problem is that she should never have had any power to begin with.
Silly me.
BB:
Things are going ever so delightfully with BB. He's a good man. This has now been independantly verified by Mrs. Macca and CK, who made a flying visit to Sassville to give him the once over... and to spend some time with me too of course!!!
I don't really know what else to say about BB - other than that its awfully amazingly brilliantly different-in-a-good-way to be dating a grownup.
He's a man. He treats me as a lady, he is a wonderful Dad to his own children, and he treats Nicky beautifully. But he's a man. A manly man. There is nothing tooHe isn't playing silly games, he isn't racing out and behaving like an idiot, he doesn't drink himself into oblivion. He's sensible.
And oddly, that doesn't bore me.
I rather like it.
He makes me feel safe and secure and cared for and respected. I can't remember ever feeling so respected. Its a delightful feeling that.
The only small and yet seemingly continual difficulty we face is getting together. All we seem to have is snatched time, between picking up and dropping off kids, nights after kids are asleep. The waiting is sort of a delicious torture.
And now I'm tired. I have some serious catching up on sleep to do, as I went to a 70's 80's party last night and the weight of my false eyelashes plum tired me out.
Well, that and the reaction that my boots and fishnets and seventies style minidress provoked in dear BB! (Thats for you CK ;-) )
